Trust Him

So there has been a post I've felt I've been called to write for some time now... but then, you know, life happened. But I told myself, just because struggles are coming my way, I'm not going to stop writing. I'm not going to let any obstacle bring me down or keep me back, I'm just going to hop right over it or use it as a stepping stone to keep on pushing along. Well, or so I say. Keep me encouraged on that one please.

This is the post I've been meaning to write for a while. Really right now, this very second, I only have a topic in my head. Where it leads? We shall see...

We need to make an assumption here for just one moment. Let that assumption be that I would have gotten sick no matter what. No matter what.

Now, rewind.

I entered into college with the desire of majoring in psychology. I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to sit with people and listen to their problems day in and day out and help them work through them. That's what I imagined my life to be like. Well, freshman year of college, I took my first psychology course. I ended up with the "hard" teacher. Any time we had a test myself and a few others would be up studying until 2 am. And then the test would be filled with just about everything we did not prepare for. Why? Because where that information came from no one knows. I'm pretty sure that was one of my only C's in all of college. I may have brought it up to a B- I don't remember. Regardless, it's exhausting just thinking about how difficult that course was. It kind of put a bad taste in my mouth thinking how on earth can I put up with this instructor for 4 years? My goal going into college was to graduate with honors. I did not see that happening if I kept on this path. Furthermore, I wanted to enjoy whatever it was I majored in and the career that brought me into, not dread it. Well, partnering that aspect with someone telling me not to major in psychology because I won't find a job in it apparently was enough to discourage me from continuing in that direction. Psychology major no more.

I didn't know what to major in after that. I really wanted to be a psychologist. I also thought about being a veterinarian but I love animals so much I couldn't deal with the pain they go through and I couldn't do any type of surgery stuff. So that was out. Then there was art. I enjoy it, but as a major, I didn't think that was my path. Business? Everyone majors in business. Good option I suppose. But business and myself didn't really click. I thought of it more as a minor just to have that background/knowledge.

Then I took a communication class, and another communication class. Loved it. Loved the professors, loved the material, loved public speaking, loved presenting, loved the media aspect of it, loved how it involved organization and thought processing. It even involves some psychology if you think about it- interpersonal communication and how we communicate differently, non-verbal cues, etc. I found a match. And then I added on public relations, kind of for the heck of it. I thought going into event planning would be a good idea and thus public relations would be the best background for that. I loved those 2 majors and everything about it.

Then college graduation came along and I was trying to figure out what to do when certain life aspects added up in an odd way. I got my entry-level dream job as an event planner, but honestly I didn't need either of those majors to do that job. Event planning is kind of just what I was born to do, paid or not. And so I thought, gee, I kind of wish I majored in psychology. Everyone was losing their jobs, including myself, and the economy was going down. A lot of people could really use seeing a therapist... psychology jobs would therefore be in demand, right? I pondered going to grad school to continue on to become a counselor, social worker or eventually psychologist. But at that same time is when I started getting sick. So that option closed, at least for the time being.

Anyways, what this story is eventually getting at is this. Back to the beginning, if we make the assumption that I would have gotten sick no matter what. No matter what. Communication was my best option. What can I do right now? I can't work. I can't physically do too much. I certainly wouldn't be able to be a psychologist at the moment. But I can write. And I LOVE to write. I didn't major in English so yeah my grammar is probably all over the place. I wouldn't be able to deal with majoring in English anyways. Way too proper for me. But, I have to think that communication, and public relations major, taught me some good things that I'm using right here. And some day I do still hope to publish a book. And when I do I hope these communication skills help me write it and PR skills help me get it out there to the public.

So again, my whole point of this, why I felt called to write this. A lot of people who read my blog are fellow MGers or POTSies. We all often struggle with who we are, what we are supposed to do, what we are able to do, and if we are making any sort of difference in this world. We often have to reinvent ourselves, redefine life itself. Heck, even those without chronic illness go through this. Therefore, we must look at the positive, at what we have, at what we accomplished, and how it's currently being used in our lives. There is a reason for everything even when we don't know that reason. It all adds up or someday will. Maybe it's not how you pictured, how you planned or even how you want... but we have to believe that in fact it is actually better!

God knows what He's doing. Trust in Him.