Closing out 2013

As we close out 2013, I look back.

All things point to this being my most difficult year ever. If I would have planned out this year, nothing that happened would have happened. Heck, I could have lost my life to a pulmonary embolism. But as I look back, it's hard for me to say this was in fact the most difficult year ever. Why? Because I had Jesus.

Let's look at the positive rather than the negative. I SURVIVED a major surgery. I SURVIVED a pulmonary embolism. I SURVIVED getting through it without the one I loved the most. In 2012, I was hospitalized for 8 weeks total. In 2013, I was hospitalized for 5 weeks total. That's an improvement, right? Right. And here I am the last day of the year about to close a huge chapter in my life and enter a new one. Every day I wake up with a song playing on repeat in my head. Todays was "This is the first day of the rest of your life... it's gonna be alright."

And alright it will be.

The past years I have looked ahead saying "This is going to be MY year." Or "This is going to be OUR year." This year I'm not saying it's mine or not mine. I'm not saying it's anything. All 2014 is is a new calendar... and none of the boxes on there are guaranteed. That's what this year showed me. We can fill up those boxes all we want, write something in them to plan months ahead... but plans change, people change and you just never know.

So I thank God for each box that is behind me and each new one He brings forth carrying me through. It's not the number of boxes/dates on a calendar we walk through, it's not even what is written in them... it's the substance within that you can't see. It's having Jesus in your heart knowing that no matter how many days you are given and what those days hold, you're going to be alright.

This isn't going to fit with all I'm writing here. It's going to sound out of place because it is. But it's something I wanted to share so I'm adding it in. At the end of 2012, a year ago, I thought about what my new year's resolution would be, just like everyone else. I decided to turn inward spiritually, instead of outward worldly in making that determination. My new year's resolution was to dedicate one day, each day, to someone I knew... and to pray for them that day, in addition to any other prayers. I am happy to say, today on December 31, 2013, is the first year I fully completed a new year's resolution. Even the days spent in the hospital, there wasn't one that past that I didn't dedicate and pray for someone I knew. And if you are reading this, most likely you had a day dedicated to you without even knowing it.

In addition, I started a prayer journal. When a specific situation arose, I wrote down the person's name and my prayer for them. I admit I was not as dedicated to this as to my daily dedications/prayer, but I tried to do it whenever I remembered. Looking back, I wrote about 60-70 specific prayers. About 40-50 of them have been answered. That is amazing! Absolutely amazing! It is beautiful to visually see prayers getting answered. And the 20 or so that were not answered, looking at them, most of them I requested something in a specific time frame on those. It reminds me, this is not my time, it is God's time. God will answer prayers in His way at His time. We must adjust, we must believe and we must hold on to the hope He gives us.

As we close out 2013, I look back. As we close out 2013, I look forward. And most importantly, as we close out 2013, I look up. And that is where I find peace. May that peace be carried with you also to bring closure on your past, life into your present, and faith about your future. In Jesus' name, Amen.