Fear

Have no fear.
God is here.

I walked an entire grocery store yesterday. Whoa. Normally I use the wheel chair. I did it because I was having a "good" or stronger moment so I thought I might as well make use of this, and so I did. Afterwards, I thought that was a bad idea as my body went weak. I over did it. Sometimes, maybe actually most of the time, it doesn't catch up until later. I pay for it minutes, hours, the next day or even multiple days later. And so today I thought I will rest and watch movies. I wanted to blog. I have lots to blog about. I'm way behind on thoughts vs posts. But I said no, rest is needed. And then I turned on a movie.

In the previews before the movie was a boy and father figure, after the boy's dad passed, standing in the middle of a country road looking out into the world. I thought to myself "boy it would be nice to be out in the middle of 'nowhere' but because of MG and POTS I need to always be somewhat close enough to a hospital." I caught myself there and then I thought I must write...

I don't need to be close to a hospital. What do I need to be close to? God. God and only God. I can go out in the middle of nowhere. I can do anything. Anything. As long as I stay close to God. There is no point and no need to fear anything. I don't need to fear getting worse health-wise, I don't need to fear not being near a hospital, I don't need to fear death even because I know I am going to Heaven because I have Jesus in my heart. No fear but God fear.

This thought is so freeing. I can do ANYTHING... through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13. I absolutely love that verse. At times I forget and revert back to the fear and the worry and even the why me. But you know what that is doing? That is me saying "God I don't trust that you can get me through this." Well I do trust that He can and I know that He will. But I must stay close to Him.

I could go on and on and pull out Bible verses but I feel my point was made and I feel that's all that needed to be said. However, now that I'm already writing I must continue...

Just because we can doesn't mean we should. For some that might mean lying, stealing, taking advantage of, gossiping, hurting, cheating, etc etc. Yeah you can do any of that, but if you have God, you won't unless it is his will or unless you choose to go against Him, which personally I highly advise against. For me this means more than that. Just because I can doesn't mean I should.

I've said before I can do just about anything for a short time. I can run... to the thermostat to change the temperature when I'm freezing. I can play basketball... by tossing one ball and being done after that. I can participate in a 5k... by using a wheel chair. I could walk an entire grocery store like I did yesterday. I could push myself past the point of any of those. But just because I can doesn't mean I should. I know what the outcome will most likely be.

Why would God allow that? Why would God "let" me have an illness? Why me?

Why me? Maybe it's not meant to go against me, maybe it's meant FOR me, and more so for others. If I didn't have this illness, I never would have taken the time to start a blog. I never would have open my eyes to the value of all that surrounds me. I never would have met and become friends with so many absolutely amazing people. I never would have had such a testimony to glorify God in.

They say it's not about the destination but the journey. It's partially true. My destination is Heaven. That is my home and earth is a place I am passing through. You never know when your time will come and when it does it may in fact be so sudden that you don't realize it. That is what I live for. And in doing so I would love to welcome others onto that narrow path that leads there. And there we have the journey. Every little moment that adds up to that which we call life. Every person, every thing, every thought, every moment.

So I live to glorify Him, and if the way He wants me to do so is through MG and POTS and candida and anything else that may or may not come my way, so be it. I used to be so afraid and concerned about everything. Of course I do still have my moments, but for the most part in the grand scheme of life I realized it is so much more and worry is a waste of time. As long as I am living righteously, living for Him, then live- just live. Do what I can, when I can, how I can and give it my all.

I'm going to write a book one day. No, I'm going to publish a book one day. And if I don't make it to that day, please someone finish it out for me. I'm also going to live in North Carolina. Why? Not because I want to. I do, but, it's because I feel God calling me to. Live for Him and you won't go wrong. It may be tough but it's nothing compared to Jesus getting nailed through His body suffering on the cross. If you look at it that way, I and all of you all have it easy. So accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and then have no fear.

I realize maybe this should have been in my other blog, but you know what, it's here. Maybe there is a reason for that. And maybe not. But I'm not going to worry about it. Have a blessed day.