Mark 10:21 says "Jesus looked at him and loved him. 'One thing you lack,' he said. 'Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'"
'Jesus the King' by Timothy Keller explains this in a powerful way: "In other words Jesus says: 'If you want to follow me and to have eternal life, of course you shouldn't commit adultery; you shouldn't defraud people or murder them. You shouldn't do bad things. But if you just repent of doing bad things, all it will do is make you a religious person. If you want eternal life, if you want intimacy with God, if you want to get over that nagging sense that there's still something missing, if you can't find a way to get the stain out, then you have to change how you relate to your gifts and successes. You have to repent of how you've been using your good things.'"
That woke me up. It shook me up. Hold on to that thought for a moment.
You see, I've been struggling a lot lately... I advise others against people pleasing, but it's the exact trap I'm falling into myself. Other's attempt of direction over my life is clouding out God's direction in my life.
Ever since I first became a Christian a bit over 3 years ago, I felt called to ministry. It has been my heart's desire to eventually go into ministry. And everything I'm doing right now is preparing me to do just that, learning and growing, getting ready to give back, perhaps in a big way. But by nature of this world, that has been clouded. It's been clouded by the pressure, from myself or others, to do more than what I am doing and to do it now, not wait. I've been feeling that tug, that uneasiness, that uncertainty and it's clouded my head with confusion, doubt and horrible fear.
But here's the thing, and it's huge... I AM good enough. My worth is defined in the eyes of God, not people.
So last night I pulled all that together to once again be reminded of something, something big. God wants me right where I am right now and I am certain He has good reason. This is a time of rest, a time to work on improving my health to my greatest capacity, a time to reflect on His goodness, a time to research, read and learn, a time to discover who I am in His eyes, not the eyes of the world, a time to prepare me for something greater in the future, a time for Him and a time for me- together. This time is a gift. And I've been, countless times, nearly throwing that gift away due to placing the voice of others above His.
How does this connect to what I was reading in 'Jesus the King'? Well, let me continue.
Timothy Keller goes on to say this. "And there are many ways that we use these 'good things.' We may be using our 'good things' to deal with the imperfections that no one else can see. We may be incessantly trying to turn material wealth into spiritual treasure to deal with that inner sense of poverty... We also may be using our good things to feel superior over others... So Jesus is saying to the man in this passage, 'You have put your faith and trust in your wealth and accomplishments. But the effort is alienating you from God. Right now God is your boss; but God is not your Savior..."
Wow. That just hit me over the head. So many people have told me to write a book. I've pondered it, I started writing one a few times, and I always thought that would be awesome to do. But honestly, it's one of those clouds I was just referring to. This is why: This morning I was thinking, if I write a book and I'm 100% honest with myself, I'd be writing this book for me. I'd be writing this book to feel like I'm worth something and have something to show for myself, to prove to others I did something valuable in life, to receive words of affirmation and praise. Even if it would touch and affect other people, ultimately the root of my intention would be for me. How selfish is that.
Let's continue to wrap this up. "If you want to be a Christian, of course you'll repent of your sins. But after you've repented of your sins you'll have to repent of how you have used the good things in your life to fill the place where God should be. If you want intimacy with God, if you want to get over this sense that something is missing, it will have to become God that you love with all your heart and strength."
If I ever write a book, I want it to be strictly guided by the Holy Spirit in what He wants me to write and when. I want to even have the courage to remove my name from it, so all the glory goes to God, not me. But right now, is not that time. Now is a time of preparation and reflection of who God intends for me to be. And I have to remain content in that and block out all distraction leading me away from it. I have to love God with all my heart and strength in order to even have the capacity to fully love others.
What is clouding your relationship with God? What is causing you to not hear His voice and instead listen to the voice of others? How can you change this to assure God is Lord of your life? Does anything you are doing have selfish intent? Can you step away from the craziness of life, reflect, and redirect back onto the path God wants you to be on?
I pray we may all have the courage and strength to refocus our lives to God's greatest commandments, first to love Him and second to love others. Live life intently, His intent. God bless.
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