Mark 10:21 says "Jesus looked at him and loved him. 'One thing you lack,' he said. 'Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'"
'Jesus the King' by Timothy Keller explains this in a powerful way: "In other words Jesus says: 'If you want to follow me and to have eternal life, of course you shouldn't commit adultery; you shouldn't defraud people or murder them. You shouldn't do bad things. But if you just repent of doing bad things, all it will do is make you a religious person. If you want eternal life, if you want intimacy with God, if you want to get over that nagging sense that there's still something missing, if you can't find a way to get the stain out, then you have to change how you relate to your gifts and successes. You have to repent of how you've been using your good things.'"
That woke me up. It shook me up. Hold on to that thought for a moment.
You see, I've been struggling a lot lately... I advise others against people pleasing, but it's the exact trap I'm falling into myself. Other's attempt of direction over my life is clouding out God's direction in my life.
Ever since I first became a Christian a bit over 3 years ago, I felt called to ministry. It has been my heart's desire to eventually go into ministry. And everything I'm doing right now is preparing me to do just that, learning and growing, getting ready to give back, perhaps in a big way. But by nature of this world, that has been clouded. It's been clouded by the pressure, from myself or others, to do more than what I am doing and to do it now, not wait. I've been feeling that tug, that uneasiness, that uncertainty and it's clouded my head with confusion, doubt and horrible fear.
But here's the thing, and it's huge... I AM good enough. My worth is defined in the eyes of God, not people.
So last night I pulled all that together to once again be reminded of something, something big. God wants me right where I am right now and I am certain He has good reason. This is a time of rest, a time to work on improving my health to my greatest capacity, a time to reflect on His goodness, a time to research, read and learn, a time to discover who I am in His eyes, not the eyes of the world, a time to prepare me for something greater in the future, a time for Him and a time for me- together. This time is a gift. And I've been, countless times, nearly throwing that gift away due to placing the voice of others above His.
How does this connect to what I was reading in 'Jesus the King'? Well, let me continue.
Timothy Keller goes on to say this. "And there are many ways that we use these 'good things.' We may be using our 'good things' to deal with the imperfections that no one else can see. We may be incessantly trying to turn material wealth into spiritual treasure to deal with that inner sense of poverty... We also may be using our good things to feel superior over others... So Jesus is saying to the man in this passage, 'You have put your faith and trust in your wealth and accomplishments. But the effort is alienating you from God. Right now God is your boss; but God is not your Savior..."
Wow. That just hit me over the head. So many people have told me to write a book. I've pondered it, I started writing one a few times, and I always thought that would be awesome to do. But honestly, it's one of those clouds I was just referring to. This is why: This morning I was thinking, if I write a book and I'm 100% honest with myself, I'd be writing this book for me. I'd be writing this book to feel like I'm worth something and have something to show for myself, to prove to others I did something valuable in life, to receive words of affirmation and praise. Even if it would touch and affect other people, ultimately the root of my intention would be for me. How selfish is that.
Let's continue to wrap this up. "If you want to be a Christian, of course you'll repent of your sins. But after you've repented of your sins you'll have to repent of how you have used the good things in your life to fill the place where God should be. If you want intimacy with God, if you want to get over this sense that something is missing, it will have to become God that you love with all your heart and strength."
If I ever write a book, I want it to be strictly guided by the Holy Spirit in what He wants me to write and when. I want to even have the courage to remove my name from it, so all the glory goes to God, not me. But right now, is not that time. Now is a time of preparation and reflection of who God intends for me to be. And I have to remain content in that and block out all distraction leading me away from it. I have to love God with all my heart and strength in order to even have the capacity to fully love others.
What is clouding your relationship with God? What is causing you to not hear His voice and instead listen to the voice of others? How can you change this to assure God is Lord of your life? Does anything you are doing have selfish intent? Can you step away from the craziness of life, reflect, and redirect back onto the path God wants you to be on?
I pray we may all have the courage and strength to refocus our lives to God's greatest commandments, first to love Him and second to love others. Live life intently, His intent. God bless.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Originally Posted: Miracle Testimony
***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 6, 2013
Miracle Testimony
This post is a slightly different one. What I'm about to share here will end up being another's story but ties in with my own. I am sharing this with her permission as I feel it is powerful and speaks volumes of God's saving grace, love and healing.
Last night, I was researching about spiritual gifts, pondering what mine is, when I felt a voice interrupting that thought process to tell me that my overall purpose is to call others to Christ. I know as Christians we should all be doing this, but this was instructed to me with such conviction, and I've felt this same calling before, almost like an epiphany of my true purpose in life. Furthermore, it was then said to me that right now I am supposed to call one specific person to Christ. one specific person and I was told who that person was. I kind of shrugged it off almost feeling like I made it up because it was too crazy of a thought to be of real intent. And I went to sleep.
Fast forward to this morning... I'm going through my morning as I normally do and eventually sign on to facebook. I received a message from a friend. She was recently in a car accident and I knew about the car accident. What I did not know about the car accident and what she proceeded to tell me out of the blue was this...
This message from her said that the seat belt for the seat she was in was broken... it was broken before the accident, it was broken after the accident.. it wouldn't lock into place. But she said at that moment of the accident, the seat belt worked. She said by all facts she technically shouldn't be alive right now... but that seat belt, the broken seat belt, for an instant was no longer broken and saved her life.
She is an atheist and I knew this already... but she proceeded to tell me that I am the only person she is sharing this part of the car accident with because she feels no one else would understand. She said she doesn't believe in God, but, in that moment... she wondered...
And how could you not? Praise God for such an amazing miracle and saving her life!
Now, this is the part that really brought chills to my spine, in a good way... At the moment of reading this message she sent me, I remembered my night last night, and my instruction of calling one specific person to Christ. Guess what? That person was her. Wow. Absolutely wow. I don't think I can portray how amazing this is through written word here. I was instructed to call her to Christ, knowing she is not a believer, and here I receive a message from her with this amazing story, almost feeling like it was an invitation to do just that- call her to Christ.
So I told her all this and invited her to open her heart to God. Now I don't know what will become of it and I am learning myself what it means to call others to Christ without being overbearing or pushy, so I need to be careful in how and what I do and say. But the joy I felt from sending this invitation is amazing. The joy I felt from this miracle of God through her is amazing. I know God is calling her, I know God wants her as one of His own and I pray she will open her heart to Him. And until then I will be here however I can for her, especially to be used as a vessel for God's love.
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:19-20
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 6, 2013
Miracle Testimony
This post is a slightly different one. What I'm about to share here will end up being another's story but ties in with my own. I am sharing this with her permission as I feel it is powerful and speaks volumes of God's saving grace, love and healing.
Last night, I was researching about spiritual gifts, pondering what mine is, when I felt a voice interrupting that thought process to tell me that my overall purpose is to call others to Christ. I know as Christians we should all be doing this, but this was instructed to me with such conviction, and I've felt this same calling before, almost like an epiphany of my true purpose in life. Furthermore, it was then said to me that right now I am supposed to call one specific person to Christ. one specific person and I was told who that person was. I kind of shrugged it off almost feeling like I made it up because it was too crazy of a thought to be of real intent. And I went to sleep.
Fast forward to this morning... I'm going through my morning as I normally do and eventually sign on to facebook. I received a message from a friend. She was recently in a car accident and I knew about the car accident. What I did not know about the car accident and what she proceeded to tell me out of the blue was this...
This message from her said that the seat belt for the seat she was in was broken... it was broken before the accident, it was broken after the accident.. it wouldn't lock into place. But she said at that moment of the accident, the seat belt worked. She said by all facts she technically shouldn't be alive right now... but that seat belt, the broken seat belt, for an instant was no longer broken and saved her life.
She is an atheist and I knew this already... but she proceeded to tell me that I am the only person she is sharing this part of the car accident with because she feels no one else would understand. She said she doesn't believe in God, but, in that moment... she wondered...
And how could you not? Praise God for such an amazing miracle and saving her life!
Now, this is the part that really brought chills to my spine, in a good way... At the moment of reading this message she sent me, I remembered my night last night, and my instruction of calling one specific person to Christ. Guess what? That person was her. Wow. Absolutely wow. I don't think I can portray how amazing this is through written word here. I was instructed to call her to Christ, knowing she is not a believer, and here I receive a message from her with this amazing story, almost feeling like it was an invitation to do just that- call her to Christ.
So I told her all this and invited her to open her heart to God. Now I don't know what will become of it and I am learning myself what it means to call others to Christ without being overbearing or pushy, so I need to be careful in how and what I do and say. But the joy I felt from sending this invitation is amazing. The joy I felt from this miracle of God through her is amazing. I know God is calling her, I know God wants her as one of His own and I pray she will open her heart to Him. And until then I will be here however I can for her, especially to be used as a vessel for God's love.
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:19-20
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Originally Posted: False Disciples
***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 4, 2013
False Disciples
Old me was negative, critical, judgmental. I also had good qualities but for the sake of this post I'm focusing on the not so good ones. Well there were some who would only focus on those not so good ones as well. They would not notice, bring forth, or care about the good qualities. They were always telling me whenever I did something wrong or bad, even if that was only due to their perspective without knowing the full story. They were very quick to point out everything wrong about me, but no where to be found if I did something well or said something positive.
New me is much more positive, uplifting, loving and clearly focused on God and Jesus. And now these same people somehow manage to turn that into a negative. "Give it up." "Let it go." "Focus on something else." etc. etc... about my relationship with God! You would think those who wanted me to be more positive would be incredibly happy that I listened to their advice (though that is not at all how it came to happen) and be happy for me. But it's entirely the opposite.
Worst of all, these people claim to be Christian. That's hard to swallow. And, I used to fall into that group. Proclaiming to be something I was not in my words and actions. And that's one big proclamation to make right there. Christian. God loving person. Follower of Christ. Not being Christian is one thing, but calling yourself one and then living in a way that in no way demonstrates that is another.
Unfortunately there are many people like this out there. But it is the job of us as Christians, saved followers of Christ, to strive to live like Jesus- lose more of ourselves and become more like Him. It is our job to always strive to act and talk the best we can, be a disciple of Jesus. It is our job to put Jesus first, before spouse, before family, before friends and especially before anything material or worldly. It is our job to spread the good Word, spread God's love. It is our job to live in a way that draws more people to Jesus. Do not mistaken, we ourselves cannot save the unsaved. God's saving grace alone can do that. But we can invite people in to the way, the truth, the life and help them develop a relationship with Jesus.
Unfortunately, there are some people out there that no matter what you say or do they will take the opposite stance, similar to the example above. If you say black, they say white. If you say go, they say stay. Realize that if you are living in a way that is Biblical and portraying of God's love, you are not doing wrong in this and the problem is not with you even if they try to convince you otherwise. If you are living for Jesus, stand your ground and do not be moved. Stand strong and stand tall for God is your refuge and strength. "If God is for us, who could be against us." You still have the job of spreading God's love, no matter how much others continue to bring you down and tell you you are wrong. Living in a way that is Biblical is not wrong. It is right, no matter what others try to convince you of. Don't let the way of the devil draw you in through others false proclamation or sinful ways of living. What may be attractive or immediately rewarding is no reward in the long run. The way of the Christian isn't said to be easy, but it is said to be worth it.
Don't give up on anyone. Live by example and pray for them regularly. There will always be those who take the opposite stance no matter what the stance is, those who seem to want you to be as far away as possible from anything good while saying otherwise. Those who convince themselves they are doing what is good and right, but blind to the truth. If their actions don't match their words, don't believe their deceitfulness. The devil is always trying to pull us his way and don't think he won't use your closest friends and family to do just that. Just live in the way you know is right, no matter what. Always live for Jesus.
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’" Matthew 7:21-23
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 4, 2013
False Disciples
Old me was negative, critical, judgmental. I also had good qualities but for the sake of this post I'm focusing on the not so good ones. Well there were some who would only focus on those not so good ones as well. They would not notice, bring forth, or care about the good qualities. They were always telling me whenever I did something wrong or bad, even if that was only due to their perspective without knowing the full story. They were very quick to point out everything wrong about me, but no where to be found if I did something well or said something positive.
New me is much more positive, uplifting, loving and clearly focused on God and Jesus. And now these same people somehow manage to turn that into a negative. "Give it up." "Let it go." "Focus on something else." etc. etc... about my relationship with God! You would think those who wanted me to be more positive would be incredibly happy that I listened to their advice (though that is not at all how it came to happen) and be happy for me. But it's entirely the opposite.
Worst of all, these people claim to be Christian. That's hard to swallow. And, I used to fall into that group. Proclaiming to be something I was not in my words and actions. And that's one big proclamation to make right there. Christian. God loving person. Follower of Christ. Not being Christian is one thing, but calling yourself one and then living in a way that in no way demonstrates that is another.
Unfortunately there are many people like this out there. But it is the job of us as Christians, saved followers of Christ, to strive to live like Jesus- lose more of ourselves and become more like Him. It is our job to always strive to act and talk the best we can, be a disciple of Jesus. It is our job to put Jesus first, before spouse, before family, before friends and especially before anything material or worldly. It is our job to spread the good Word, spread God's love. It is our job to live in a way that draws more people to Jesus. Do not mistaken, we ourselves cannot save the unsaved. God's saving grace alone can do that. But we can invite people in to the way, the truth, the life and help them develop a relationship with Jesus.
Unfortunately, there are some people out there that no matter what you say or do they will take the opposite stance, similar to the example above. If you say black, they say white. If you say go, they say stay. Realize that if you are living in a way that is Biblical and portraying of God's love, you are not doing wrong in this and the problem is not with you even if they try to convince you otherwise. If you are living for Jesus, stand your ground and do not be moved. Stand strong and stand tall for God is your refuge and strength. "If God is for us, who could be against us." You still have the job of spreading God's love, no matter how much others continue to bring you down and tell you you are wrong. Living in a way that is Biblical is not wrong. It is right, no matter what others try to convince you of. Don't let the way of the devil draw you in through others false proclamation or sinful ways of living. What may be attractive or immediately rewarding is no reward in the long run. The way of the Christian isn't said to be easy, but it is said to be worth it.
Don't give up on anyone. Live by example and pray for them regularly. There will always be those who take the opposite stance no matter what the stance is, those who seem to want you to be as far away as possible from anything good while saying otherwise. Those who convince themselves they are doing what is good and right, but blind to the truth. If their actions don't match their words, don't believe their deceitfulness. The devil is always trying to pull us his way and don't think he won't use your closest friends and family to do just that. Just live in the way you know is right, no matter what. Always live for Jesus.
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’" Matthew 7:21-23
Monday, October 26, 2015
Originally Posted: Negativity
***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally posted: Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Negativity
Lately, I've been noticing how extremely negative people are... and not only negative, but so critical, rude, judgmental, quick to anger. I think I've noticed it now and not before because I used to fall into that group of people. Not to say I don't occasionally show those qualities now but I recognize them and strive not to live in that way. Though I always considered myself a realist- looking at the positive and the negative and what is more likely- others saw me as a pessimist with all of those qualities I just mentioned. The more I give my life to Jesus, the more those negative qualities shed away off of me and I become a better person.
With that said, as I become more positive, I am more aware of how negative this world is. It is hard for me to hear. It is hard to be surrounded by. The comments that others used to say that passed right by me or I would chime into, now affect me. I have to remind myself not to get caught up in that and return to that. I have to remind myself as a Christian it is my job to love and strive to live like Jesus and to call others to do the same.
Why must we all be so negative? I think it's because when you don't have your heart focused on Jesus you get caught up in worldly things. Key word: things. None of the things everyone is complaining about will matter when our judgement day arrives. So why do we care so much about them?
I used to think there was no way I could be an optimist and see everything in a positive light. I felt I was built into the human I was and I couldn't change that, or maybe I could but with years upon years of self reflection and guidance. But then what happened, one day, like a light switch that positive light was turned on. Jesus entered my heart. So for me going from negative to positive was not something I can take recognition for. But what if it is something you can bring on for yourself or at least assist in?
Looking back I think maybe it's not as hard as it seemed. Now all I hear out of people is complaining about politics, complaining about traffic, complaining about gas prices, complaining about needing a new this that everything, complaining about EVERYTHING. Think about all the time that is used up in complaining. What good does complaining do? None. Now if you're going to go out there and do something about it, devote your passion to change for the better- hey go for it. But complaining- not going to change anything. All it's going to do is put you in a worse mood and bring down the people around you. They say there is a study that shows when you live with someone who is depressed the rest of the household is more likely to become depressed. I feel the same about this. Now what if every time you were about to say something negative- as in someone cut you off while driving... instead of complaining about that person and calling them an idiot, what if instead you prayed for them? For what you can physically see, it would do the same good, but there is more power in prayer than in complaining.
Sometimes I think people just like to hear themselves talk. Honestly. But if you have nothing good to say don't say anything at all. Self reflection is powerful. Time to yourself in silence and prayer is powerful. Don't become a mute, but if you aren't going to be a positive contribution because you bring them down, just be silent.
This is not automatic for me to constantly remain positive, so I do things to try to help stay positive. Perhaps something I mention would be of help to you too. First, I start every morning off by thanking God for all of my blessings and for the day ahead and asking Him to help me through it. By going through in your head what you are thankful for its makes you realize how many blessings you really do have and starts your day off bright. As the day goes on, if someone is giving me trouble or others trouble or clearly having trouble within themselves, I pray for them. When people who surround me are being extremely negative with hurtful talk, gossip, lacking the show of a kind heart... I either step in and speak up, or if I feel I can't do that and can remove myself from the situation I do that, and lastly if neither is possible and I'm having a really weak day I close my eyes, pray for them, and think positive thoughts. I'm sure there are other techniques so to speak that I use but I can't think of them right now.
I do want to ask that everyone try to be more positive. At very least it might brighten someone else's day and/or your own day. And at best the power of prayer will send the intention up to God to change the hearts of those who are not filled with His love. So start your morning with thanks, continue your day with praise and good deeds, and end with a prayer for all those you felt conflict from.
Kindness is a ripple effect. I have to believe the same about being positive and any other good quality. If being surrounded by someone who is depressed or negative can do the same for you, I think the opposite is true also. Instead of allowing yourself to fall into darkness, rise and bring them with you into the light... the light of the Lord. Show the love you have the power to give.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally posted: Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Negativity
Lately, I've been noticing how extremely negative people are... and not only negative, but so critical, rude, judgmental, quick to anger. I think I've noticed it now and not before because I used to fall into that group of people. Not to say I don't occasionally show those qualities now but I recognize them and strive not to live in that way. Though I always considered myself a realist- looking at the positive and the negative and what is more likely- others saw me as a pessimist with all of those qualities I just mentioned. The more I give my life to Jesus, the more those negative qualities shed away off of me and I become a better person.
With that said, as I become more positive, I am more aware of how negative this world is. It is hard for me to hear. It is hard to be surrounded by. The comments that others used to say that passed right by me or I would chime into, now affect me. I have to remind myself not to get caught up in that and return to that. I have to remind myself as a Christian it is my job to love and strive to live like Jesus and to call others to do the same.
Why must we all be so negative? I think it's because when you don't have your heart focused on Jesus you get caught up in worldly things. Key word: things. None of the things everyone is complaining about will matter when our judgement day arrives. So why do we care so much about them?
I used to think there was no way I could be an optimist and see everything in a positive light. I felt I was built into the human I was and I couldn't change that, or maybe I could but with years upon years of self reflection and guidance. But then what happened, one day, like a light switch that positive light was turned on. Jesus entered my heart. So for me going from negative to positive was not something I can take recognition for. But what if it is something you can bring on for yourself or at least assist in?
Looking back I think maybe it's not as hard as it seemed. Now all I hear out of people is complaining about politics, complaining about traffic, complaining about gas prices, complaining about needing a new this that everything, complaining about EVERYTHING. Think about all the time that is used up in complaining. What good does complaining do? None. Now if you're going to go out there and do something about it, devote your passion to change for the better- hey go for it. But complaining- not going to change anything. All it's going to do is put you in a worse mood and bring down the people around you. They say there is a study that shows when you live with someone who is depressed the rest of the household is more likely to become depressed. I feel the same about this. Now what if every time you were about to say something negative- as in someone cut you off while driving... instead of complaining about that person and calling them an idiot, what if instead you prayed for them? For what you can physically see, it would do the same good, but there is more power in prayer than in complaining.
Sometimes I think people just like to hear themselves talk. Honestly. But if you have nothing good to say don't say anything at all. Self reflection is powerful. Time to yourself in silence and prayer is powerful. Don't become a mute, but if you aren't going to be a positive contribution because you bring them down, just be silent.
This is not automatic for me to constantly remain positive, so I do things to try to help stay positive. Perhaps something I mention would be of help to you too. First, I start every morning off by thanking God for all of my blessings and for the day ahead and asking Him to help me through it. By going through in your head what you are thankful for its makes you realize how many blessings you really do have and starts your day off bright. As the day goes on, if someone is giving me trouble or others trouble or clearly having trouble within themselves, I pray for them. When people who surround me are being extremely negative with hurtful talk, gossip, lacking the show of a kind heart... I either step in and speak up, or if I feel I can't do that and can remove myself from the situation I do that, and lastly if neither is possible and I'm having a really weak day I close my eyes, pray for them, and think positive thoughts. I'm sure there are other techniques so to speak that I use but I can't think of them right now.
I do want to ask that everyone try to be more positive. At very least it might brighten someone else's day and/or your own day. And at best the power of prayer will send the intention up to God to change the hearts of those who are not filled with His love. So start your morning with thanks, continue your day with praise and good deeds, and end with a prayer for all those you felt conflict from.
Kindness is a ripple effect. I have to believe the same about being positive and any other good quality. If being surrounded by someone who is depressed or negative can do the same for you, I think the opposite is true also. Instead of allowing yourself to fall into darkness, rise and bring them with you into the light... the light of the Lord. Show the love you have the power to give.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Starting a series of "Originally Posted"
When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.
Originally Posted: Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Direction
Looking. Looking and looking and looking. Searching. Confused. Unsettled. Unclear. Confused.
Does this sound familiar? Be honest with yourself and think back... does this sound familiar? If you are being honest with yourself I have to believe the answer is yes.
We all go through trying times. However, I strongly feel these feelings only exist when God is not our focus. How can God not be the focus of a Christian? Well, we are all human aren't we? Unfortunately the devil likes to try and get in the way and take control. In being human, sometimes we let him. Please don't let him.
If you keep your focus on God, on Jesus, on love, on God's love, how can you possibly go astray? Trying times will be had but with God you WILL, you will you will you will, get through it. Keep your focus on Him. I recently read that a person should have their heart so set on Jesus that a significant other needs to go through Jesus to reach them. In other words, Jesus is the answer. Jesus is the answer for everything. If God is love, how can you be "in love" unless you are in a deep relationship with God? A thought to ponder perhaps.
I think we tend to try to do everything ourselves and then call out to God, help me!! help us!! Seriously? Why do we do that! God created this world. He put this together. He made us. If He can do things so very powerful and huge why on earth would we use Him as a last resort? I think that's an insult. Instead we should pray about every situation were in, every person we encounter. Prayer doesn't need to be a memorized recited verse. Prayer can be as simple as having a conversation, like you do with anyone else. Talk to God. God already knows what is in your mind and in your heart, but He wants you to share that with Him. Talk to Him like you would a friend, your best, dearest, closest friend who loves you no. matter. what. Hard to find a friend like that isn't it? So don't dismiss that dear relationship you already have right there with our great and powerful almighty Lord.
If you want God to put you first... as in answer your prayer and not continue to wait wondering if He hears you, maybe you need to put Him first. He should be before your spouse, before your kids, before your friends, and especially before any non-living thing or possession. Why? Because God can make all of those relationships and things better. God can heal. God can provide answers, direction, clarity, guidance, hope, perseverance, love... God can provide EVERY good quality out there known to man and then some.
Perhaps its a pride issue. That's natural but not the way God wants us to live. He wants us to be humble. He wants us to turn to Him. He wants to help us. He KNOWS we cannot do it alone. So why do we continue to try to and then at the very end when we hit rock bottom cry out for Him? And then He has to dig us out and carry us wayyyyy back up. When what could have happened was He could have been walking right there with us all along. And therefore we could be so much further in life as we had imagined if we just allowed Him in. Pride is not going to get you anywhere good.
Now maybe you aren't Christian so that's your reason why you don't want to put God first. But, if you are reading this, you have to at least be thinking about it. If you don't want to put God first because you aren't a believer, still please think about this. If nothing else is working, and if at very least God is "an option" (which He should never be- He should be the answer), then why not give Him a try at it. What have you got to lose? Your pride? If it didn't work out for you after giving it enough time and your full devotion then go ahead and say I told you so. You will still be making the choices, you will still be giving the effort, you will still receive the results... but with God all those things will be possible. At very least, just open up your heart and let God know you are willing to see what He has for you.
Maybe you aren't even willing to do that. Maybe you are so closed off to anything but yourself that you don't want help. Did any of us ever get anywhere without anyone else's help? Think before you answer. Did you graduate any type of school? If so, you could not have without the teachers. So you say oh I could have home schooled myself? Could you have home schooled yourself without any books or online material? No. Someone created that. Someone helped you whether or not you "see" it. Just like God even though you can't "see" Him.
Clarity. Direction. Hope. Joy. Gratitude. Happiness. Success. Love.
They can all be yours. God is waiting to hear from you.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.
Originally Posted: Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Direction
Looking. Looking and looking and looking. Searching. Confused. Unsettled. Unclear. Confused.
Does this sound familiar? Be honest with yourself and think back... does this sound familiar? If you are being honest with yourself I have to believe the answer is yes.
We all go through trying times. However, I strongly feel these feelings only exist when God is not our focus. How can God not be the focus of a Christian? Well, we are all human aren't we? Unfortunately the devil likes to try and get in the way and take control. In being human, sometimes we let him. Please don't let him.
If you keep your focus on God, on Jesus, on love, on God's love, how can you possibly go astray? Trying times will be had but with God you WILL, you will you will you will, get through it. Keep your focus on Him. I recently read that a person should have their heart so set on Jesus that a significant other needs to go through Jesus to reach them. In other words, Jesus is the answer. Jesus is the answer for everything. If God is love, how can you be "in love" unless you are in a deep relationship with God? A thought to ponder perhaps.
I think we tend to try to do everything ourselves and then call out to God, help me!! help us!! Seriously? Why do we do that! God created this world. He put this together. He made us. If He can do things so very powerful and huge why on earth would we use Him as a last resort? I think that's an insult. Instead we should pray about every situation were in, every person we encounter. Prayer doesn't need to be a memorized recited verse. Prayer can be as simple as having a conversation, like you do with anyone else. Talk to God. God already knows what is in your mind and in your heart, but He wants you to share that with Him. Talk to Him like you would a friend, your best, dearest, closest friend who loves you no. matter. what. Hard to find a friend like that isn't it? So don't dismiss that dear relationship you already have right there with our great and powerful almighty Lord.
If you want God to put you first... as in answer your prayer and not continue to wait wondering if He hears you, maybe you need to put Him first. He should be before your spouse, before your kids, before your friends, and especially before any non-living thing or possession. Why? Because God can make all of those relationships and things better. God can heal. God can provide answers, direction, clarity, guidance, hope, perseverance, love... God can provide EVERY good quality out there known to man and then some.
Perhaps its a pride issue. That's natural but not the way God wants us to live. He wants us to be humble. He wants us to turn to Him. He wants to help us. He KNOWS we cannot do it alone. So why do we continue to try to and then at the very end when we hit rock bottom cry out for Him? And then He has to dig us out and carry us wayyyyy back up. When what could have happened was He could have been walking right there with us all along. And therefore we could be so much further in life as we had imagined if we just allowed Him in. Pride is not going to get you anywhere good.
Now maybe you aren't Christian so that's your reason why you don't want to put God first. But, if you are reading this, you have to at least be thinking about it. If you don't want to put God first because you aren't a believer, still please think about this. If nothing else is working, and if at very least God is "an option" (which He should never be- He should be the answer), then why not give Him a try at it. What have you got to lose? Your pride? If it didn't work out for you after giving it enough time and your full devotion then go ahead and say I told you so. You will still be making the choices, you will still be giving the effort, you will still receive the results... but with God all those things will be possible. At very least, just open up your heart and let God know you are willing to see what He has for you.
Maybe you aren't even willing to do that. Maybe you are so closed off to anything but yourself that you don't want help. Did any of us ever get anywhere without anyone else's help? Think before you answer. Did you graduate any type of school? If so, you could not have without the teachers. So you say oh I could have home schooled myself? Could you have home schooled yourself without any books or online material? No. Someone created that. Someone helped you whether or not you "see" it. Just like God even though you can't "see" Him.
Clarity. Direction. Hope. Joy. Gratitude. Happiness. Success. Love.
They can all be yours. God is waiting to hear from you.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
Monday, October 19, 2015
Big changes
A bit over a year ago, I got diagnosed with lyme disease and a co-infection, bartonella. This came right after a tick bite and sudden severe symptoms. However, it was determined this was actually the second time I got lyme, just the first time I was being treated for it. Back in college I got the rash with symptoms, but wasn't treated properly for it (getting proper lyme treatment is like finding a needle in a haystack and I knew next to nothing about healthcare back then). Thus, it laid dormant in my system until pneumonia took me down, setting off MG, and starting the battle of chronic illness in 2010. What this means is the fight against lyme disease will take a very very long time, if not forever, never fully beating it, outside a miracle, but fighting to keep it from completely taking me down. For 13 months, I've been fighting it with pharmaceuticals but now a page has turned and I pray this is the start of a new chapter, a better chapter, in my life.
As I previously talked about, I'm currently in a very strict elimination diet as so many foods, especially "food" that is GMO, processed, sugary stuff, can make your health much worse. We are attempting to find hidden sensitivities while making a permanent change in taking "eating healthy" up yet another notch. And 3 days ago, we made another big change.
I am no longer on any prescription medication. Yay and eek at the same time. You see, your body, your gut, is filled with both good and bad bacteria. You need to have enough good bacteria in order to be healthy. It is said auto-immune diseases have a lot to do with the gut. If there is not enough good bacteria, you just won't be able to truly get healthy. Probiotics can help but really that's not nearly enough. In lyme disease, antibiotics are used to kill the lyme. It's absolutely necessary to kill the lyme otherwise the lyme can kill you. But antibiotics don't just kill the lyme, they also kill the good bacteria. Thus, antibiotics really ruin your gut.
3 days ago prescription medication was stopped and replaced with an herbal protocol. But its far from simple or mild. This stuff is powerful, I mean it kills lyme! And since lyme can kill you, that must be really powerful stuff. The good thing is its natural meaning it's from nature, not filled with toxic unknown ingredients like pharmaceuticals. It should help heal my gut. The bad thing is, well actually quite a lot unfortunately. It is very expensive, even with financial assistance I was able to qualify for. It can cause herxing just like prescription meds do. Herxing is when you are killing the bacteria and your body becomes so overloaded by those toxins that your symptoms get much worse before they get any better. This can happen over and over and its pretty unpredictable. It can get so bad you can't get out of bed. But the hardest part, I feel, is going to be the schedule.
I'm a very organized, scheduled person, some may say OCD, but this is even a bit crazy for me. I have a booklet with charts of which herbals to take when. I will have a total of about 10 herbals. This is in addition to about 10 other supplements and one over the counter for allergies still not under control from anything else. Here's the thing. First, these herbals are liquids and when I have to take a dose I have to put a specific number of drops of each one into a glass container of water, let it sit at least a minute, then drink it. This means taking meds on the go is not as simple as a pill case anymore. Second, I have to take various herbals a half hour before breakfast, a half hour before lunch, a half hour before dinner, and at bedtime. But then I have to take my other supplements a half hour after each meal in order to be an hour away from herbals. Two supplements I have to take with a light snack. One supplement I have to take a half hour before eating but it has to be a snack since a half hour before each meal is already filled with herbals. Lastly, I have to take yet another supplement four hours before herbals. I seriously have my phone alarm set for 5 different times throughout the day to keep up with all this. And apparently you really have to follow it closely for it to work. This protocol is to last on average about 5-7 months, sometimes 9, and it can be extended. The point is to get symptoms reduced that you feel fairly normal. At that point, you continue the protocol for 2 more months and if symptoms stay away, you can stop. Of course if symptoms come back, which they most likely will at some point in life, it means back on either antibiotics, herbals or another type of protocol in order to fight back again.
This makes it very hard to figure out how to go anywhere, especially to figure out travel. Not a big fan of this dilemma seeing as there's a certain someone who lives all the way in Tennessee. So maybe I should just go stay in Tennessee for a while... oh but wait, there's more news.
So I don't know whether to qualify this as good news or bad news, but here it is. Of course it comes with a back story. Part of Myasthenia Gravis is that it affects the diagram muscles. My breathing is no where near a healthy person because my muscles don't work right. This is why I have to be so cautious around allergens, fumes, humidity, heat, or anything that can make it harder for me to breathe because it's already hard. The harder I work my diagram the quicker it will fail me. One issue is that overnight I breathe extremely shallow, because of my diagram and the inability to consciously breathe deeper. So the oxygen is not flowing through my body as easily as it should. When I wake up each morning, my body feels like it was run over by a truck and I really can't move. It takes anywhere from minutes to hours that I just have to lay in bed until I can get enough oxygen flowing through me to get my body going again.
Well, my neurologist (the doctor who also has me on this diet and wanted me off the antibiotics), wanted to try again to qualify me for a breathing machine overnight. Another doctor tried once before and I got 51%. You need 50% or below to qualify. Insurance is ridiculous! Today, a respiratory therapist came to the house and did some testing. Basically it tests how well I can breathe laying down, while awake, which means it will be even worse while asleep. I averaged about 38%. Yikes. That definitely qualifies me, but its also pretty crazy to think that's how bad my breathing is. I thought I'd be getting a bipap machine. A c-pap forces air into you and is not good for MG because we aren't strong enough to get that air back out. A bipap forces air both in and out to help breathe for you. Well, I guess I'm getting even a step above that, some type of non-invasive ventilator, yikes again. So this thing will pretty much make sure I'm breathing as I should be overnight. The respiratory therapist said once I get used to it I will not only sleep better but I should wake up feeling much stronger and not have to lay there for hours. My body should work for me immediately! Yay!
Where the news about traveling for this comes in is that the respiratory therapist has to come see me once a month to do testing and adjust everything. And well, carrying around a 13 pound machine lol.
So that's that. A lot of slightly overwhelming big changes right now. I'm trying to tell myself just stay put for the time being and get through this, with the hope that several months down the road I'll be feeling better and stronger, enough to travel more and live life in a more normal active way. If that ends up being the case then I guess this all was worth it.
Let's pray all these changes are the start to something amazing. As well as not forgetting to pray that that brain hemorrhage, by the grace and miraculous healing power of God, just goes completely away without harm. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 I'm hanging on to that verse right now, holding on tightly to His promises. And another one. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 I believe it and I receive it Lord! By your wounds I am healed! Thank you Jesus! Amen!
As I previously talked about, I'm currently in a very strict elimination diet as so many foods, especially "food" that is GMO, processed, sugary stuff, can make your health much worse. We are attempting to find hidden sensitivities while making a permanent change in taking "eating healthy" up yet another notch. And 3 days ago, we made another big change.
I am no longer on any prescription medication. Yay and eek at the same time. You see, your body, your gut, is filled with both good and bad bacteria. You need to have enough good bacteria in order to be healthy. It is said auto-immune diseases have a lot to do with the gut. If there is not enough good bacteria, you just won't be able to truly get healthy. Probiotics can help but really that's not nearly enough. In lyme disease, antibiotics are used to kill the lyme. It's absolutely necessary to kill the lyme otherwise the lyme can kill you. But antibiotics don't just kill the lyme, they also kill the good bacteria. Thus, antibiotics really ruin your gut.
3 days ago prescription medication was stopped and replaced with an herbal protocol. But its far from simple or mild. This stuff is powerful, I mean it kills lyme! And since lyme can kill you, that must be really powerful stuff. The good thing is its natural meaning it's from nature, not filled with toxic unknown ingredients like pharmaceuticals. It should help heal my gut. The bad thing is, well actually quite a lot unfortunately. It is very expensive, even with financial assistance I was able to qualify for. It can cause herxing just like prescription meds do. Herxing is when you are killing the bacteria and your body becomes so overloaded by those toxins that your symptoms get much worse before they get any better. This can happen over and over and its pretty unpredictable. It can get so bad you can't get out of bed. But the hardest part, I feel, is going to be the schedule.
I'm a very organized, scheduled person, some may say OCD, but this is even a bit crazy for me. I have a booklet with charts of which herbals to take when. I will have a total of about 10 herbals. This is in addition to about 10 other supplements and one over the counter for allergies still not under control from anything else. Here's the thing. First, these herbals are liquids and when I have to take a dose I have to put a specific number of drops of each one into a glass container of water, let it sit at least a minute, then drink it. This means taking meds on the go is not as simple as a pill case anymore. Second, I have to take various herbals a half hour before breakfast, a half hour before lunch, a half hour before dinner, and at bedtime. But then I have to take my other supplements a half hour after each meal in order to be an hour away from herbals. Two supplements I have to take with a light snack. One supplement I have to take a half hour before eating but it has to be a snack since a half hour before each meal is already filled with herbals. Lastly, I have to take yet another supplement four hours before herbals. I seriously have my phone alarm set for 5 different times throughout the day to keep up with all this. And apparently you really have to follow it closely for it to work. This protocol is to last on average about 5-7 months, sometimes 9, and it can be extended. The point is to get symptoms reduced that you feel fairly normal. At that point, you continue the protocol for 2 more months and if symptoms stay away, you can stop. Of course if symptoms come back, which they most likely will at some point in life, it means back on either antibiotics, herbals or another type of protocol in order to fight back again.
This makes it very hard to figure out how to go anywhere, especially to figure out travel. Not a big fan of this dilemma seeing as there's a certain someone who lives all the way in Tennessee. So maybe I should just go stay in Tennessee for a while... oh but wait, there's more news.
So I don't know whether to qualify this as good news or bad news, but here it is. Of course it comes with a back story. Part of Myasthenia Gravis is that it affects the diagram muscles. My breathing is no where near a healthy person because my muscles don't work right. This is why I have to be so cautious around allergens, fumes, humidity, heat, or anything that can make it harder for me to breathe because it's already hard. The harder I work my diagram the quicker it will fail me. One issue is that overnight I breathe extremely shallow, because of my diagram and the inability to consciously breathe deeper. So the oxygen is not flowing through my body as easily as it should. When I wake up each morning, my body feels like it was run over by a truck and I really can't move. It takes anywhere from minutes to hours that I just have to lay in bed until I can get enough oxygen flowing through me to get my body going again.
Well, my neurologist (the doctor who also has me on this diet and wanted me off the antibiotics), wanted to try again to qualify me for a breathing machine overnight. Another doctor tried once before and I got 51%. You need 50% or below to qualify. Insurance is ridiculous! Today, a respiratory therapist came to the house and did some testing. Basically it tests how well I can breathe laying down, while awake, which means it will be even worse while asleep. I averaged about 38%. Yikes. That definitely qualifies me, but its also pretty crazy to think that's how bad my breathing is. I thought I'd be getting a bipap machine. A c-pap forces air into you and is not good for MG because we aren't strong enough to get that air back out. A bipap forces air both in and out to help breathe for you. Well, I guess I'm getting even a step above that, some type of non-invasive ventilator, yikes again. So this thing will pretty much make sure I'm breathing as I should be overnight. The respiratory therapist said once I get used to it I will not only sleep better but I should wake up feeling much stronger and not have to lay there for hours. My body should work for me immediately! Yay!
Where the news about traveling for this comes in is that the respiratory therapist has to come see me once a month to do testing and adjust everything. And well, carrying around a 13 pound machine lol.
So that's that. A lot of slightly overwhelming big changes right now. I'm trying to tell myself just stay put for the time being and get through this, with the hope that several months down the road I'll be feeling better and stronger, enough to travel more and live life in a more normal active way. If that ends up being the case then I guess this all was worth it.
Let's pray all these changes are the start to something amazing. As well as not forgetting to pray that that brain hemorrhage, by the grace and miraculous healing power of God, just goes completely away without harm. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 I'm hanging on to that verse right now, holding on tightly to His promises. And another one. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 I believe it and I receive it Lord! By your wounds I am healed! Thank you Jesus! Amen!
Saturday, October 17, 2015
message from above
I had a topic in mind to write about today, but while reading a book on evangelism was lead to talk about something else, something much more important.
This life will come to an end, and when it does, I don't know about you but I absolutely want to be certain I'm going to heaven. And there is only one, ONE, way to get there. And it's not by believing in God or religion. *Gasp* right? I would have said the same in the past. But stay with me here.
God is so great, so grand, that we cannot possibly fully comprehend everything about Him. So how can we believe that we can possibly ever do enough to earn our way into heaven? We might like to think we can, we might gauge ourselves based on how well we act or serve compared to others. We might think we will go to heaven because we go to church every Sunday, or we might go to heaven because we feel we've never broken one of the 10 commandments, or because we feel we are more "good" than bad so of course we'll be going to heaven. But, we won't. That won't work. And if you aren't going to heaven, there is only one other place to go, which is why this is SO important to know before that time arrives.
Let's look at the 10 commandments. We are commanded not to commit adultery, but in Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. We are commanded not to murder, but in 1 John 3:15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
The truth is we just cannot be good enough. The sin of Adam and Eve has carried down generation to generation. We are all sinners and no matter how much we try, we will never ever be perfect. We will never ever be good enough for God on our own. But there is very good news to follow!
In the old testament of the bible, people sacrificed animals to transfer their sin onto. But then the Good News! God, out of His love for us, chose to become man and send His one and only Son to earth for us. Since Jesus's life, cruel death on the cross and amazing resurrection, He is now that Savior. Our sins are nailed to that cross. It is finished! He died so that we may live! Not in this life, but the next. So that we may have eternal life with Him in heaven! John 15:13 There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. Wow, God, wow! Still think you can live up to that? I sure don't. And I am SO glad I have a Savior so that I can and will go to heaven when this life ends!
Here's the next thing. Remember, it is ONLY through Jesus that you will go to heaven. It is not through money, cars, jobs, children, clothing, social status, etc. And remember, it's also not through going to church every Sunday or being "good enough". It is through Him and Him alone. Christians don't like to use the word "religion" or "religious" because you can be religious about anything. But it's not about being religious, it's about surrendering your life to Jesus.
God, look at me. I'm a mess. My life is a mess. There is no possible way I could get through this without You. I have fallen short of Your glory in every area of my life and know I can never be enough on my own. That's why I need You. Thank You for sending Your Son Jesus to suffer, die on the cross and rise again so that we may have life, so that I may have life, eternal life with You! What a gift! Thank You for loving me so much that You chose to do that. I accept You as Lord and receive You as my Savior. Amen!
Pray a similar prayer as that. Romans 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
It's confessing that you have sinned, you are a sinner, just like every one of us who walks this earth. You then truly repent of your sin, truly feel sorry in your heart for all the wrong you have done, which again every single one of us has. Then ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life, surrendering it all to Him. Accept and receive Him as you believe in your heart that He is the only way, truth and life. Surrender your life so that you may have eternal life.
We don't know when our time here on earth will end. We like to think it will be well into our 80's, 90's or even higher, but life never goes as planned or calculated. Don't wait until what you believe will be your last day here on earth, because you just may not get to make this decision if you do. Don't delay receiving the best gift that God has ever given, eternal life through His Son Jesus Christ! And then go and be baptized (even if you were as a baby). Be baptized now as a believer in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit! Your sins have been washed away and you are a new Creation in Him! God chose you to be His child! And if you've made that decision you can rejoice in knowing when your time here on earth ends, there will be something so immensely greater for you on the other side, because YOU are going to heaven! You will see Jesus! God is good! God bless.
This life will come to an end, and when it does, I don't know about you but I absolutely want to be certain I'm going to heaven. And there is only one, ONE, way to get there. And it's not by believing in God or religion. *Gasp* right? I would have said the same in the past. But stay with me here.
God is so great, so grand, that we cannot possibly fully comprehend everything about Him. So how can we believe that we can possibly ever do enough to earn our way into heaven? We might like to think we can, we might gauge ourselves based on how well we act or serve compared to others. We might think we will go to heaven because we go to church every Sunday, or we might go to heaven because we feel we've never broken one of the 10 commandments, or because we feel we are more "good" than bad so of course we'll be going to heaven. But, we won't. That won't work. And if you aren't going to heaven, there is only one other place to go, which is why this is SO important to know before that time arrives.
Let's look at the 10 commandments. We are commanded not to commit adultery, but in Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. We are commanded not to murder, but in 1 John 3:15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
The truth is we just cannot be good enough. The sin of Adam and Eve has carried down generation to generation. We are all sinners and no matter how much we try, we will never ever be perfect. We will never ever be good enough for God on our own. But there is very good news to follow!
In the old testament of the bible, people sacrificed animals to transfer their sin onto. But then the Good News! God, out of His love for us, chose to become man and send His one and only Son to earth for us. Since Jesus's life, cruel death on the cross and amazing resurrection, He is now that Savior. Our sins are nailed to that cross. It is finished! He died so that we may live! Not in this life, but the next. So that we may have eternal life with Him in heaven! John 15:13 There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. Wow, God, wow! Still think you can live up to that? I sure don't. And I am SO glad I have a Savior so that I can and will go to heaven when this life ends!
Here's the next thing. Remember, it is ONLY through Jesus that you will go to heaven. It is not through money, cars, jobs, children, clothing, social status, etc. And remember, it's also not through going to church every Sunday or being "good enough". It is through Him and Him alone. Christians don't like to use the word "religion" or "religious" because you can be religious about anything. But it's not about being religious, it's about surrendering your life to Jesus.
God, look at me. I'm a mess. My life is a mess. There is no possible way I could get through this without You. I have fallen short of Your glory in every area of my life and know I can never be enough on my own. That's why I need You. Thank You for sending Your Son Jesus to suffer, die on the cross and rise again so that we may have life, so that I may have life, eternal life with You! What a gift! Thank You for loving me so much that You chose to do that. I accept You as Lord and receive You as my Savior. Amen!
Pray a similar prayer as that. Romans 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
It's confessing that you have sinned, you are a sinner, just like every one of us who walks this earth. You then truly repent of your sin, truly feel sorry in your heart for all the wrong you have done, which again every single one of us has. Then ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life, surrendering it all to Him. Accept and receive Him as you believe in your heart that He is the only way, truth and life. Surrender your life so that you may have eternal life.
We don't know when our time here on earth will end. We like to think it will be well into our 80's, 90's or even higher, but life never goes as planned or calculated. Don't wait until what you believe will be your last day here on earth, because you just may not get to make this decision if you do. Don't delay receiving the best gift that God has ever given, eternal life through His Son Jesus Christ! And then go and be baptized (even if you were as a baby). Be baptized now as a believer in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit! Your sins have been washed away and you are a new Creation in Him! God chose you to be His child! And if you've made that decision you can rejoice in knowing when your time here on earth ends, there will be something so immensely greater for you on the other side, because YOU are going to heaven! You will see Jesus! God is good! God bless.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Doctor visit update
Hey everyone! Ok, so you can understand everything I've been going through and still in the process of (and if you want to do it too!), I'm including a summary of it here. If you don't care to know the process, skip below it where I will explain an update of what's going on with me. *Note/Disclaimer- I am not a medical professional and this is not intended to diagnose, treat or cure anything. Please consult your doctor before considering this diet.*
Phase 1: Elimination Phase
Part 1: eliminate all of the following foods for at least 3 weeks: alcohol, caffeine, fast food, processed food, food coloring and preservatives, GMO foods, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, sweeteners, trans fats and hydrogenated oil, processed meats such as cold cuts and hot dogs, processed refined oils including margarine, mayonnaise, salad dressing, shortening spreads.
Part 2: after the initial 3 weeks, continue eliminating those foods plus all of the following foods for another 3 weeks: citrus (except lemon which is allowed), all grains, dairy and eggs, pork, sausage, shellfish, legumes, soy, all nuts, corn, creamed vegetables, butter, margarine, coffee, soda, chocolate, ketchup, relish, chutney, soy sauce, bbq sauce, teriyaki sauce, cayenne pepper, paprika, red pepper flakes, eggplant, peppers, potato, tomato
During phase 1, part 2, the foods that are allowed should be organic, grass-fed, antibiotic/hormone free, non-gmo whenever possible. Aim for 6-9 cups of veggies per day. The allowed foods include: fruit in moderation (except citrus), sweet potato, butternut squash, whole fat coconut milk from a can, beef, lamb, chicken, duck, turkey, sardines, cod, halibut, pacific salmon, pollack, sole, trout, wild game, all vegetables other than mentioned previously, extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil, filtered/distilled water, decaf herbal tea, organic green tea, seltzer/mineral water, homemade veggie/fruit juice, stevia sparingly, apple cider vinegar, all spices except previously mentioned
Phase 2: Reintroduction Phase
After completing the initial 6 weeks, maintain that diet while reintroducing additional foods one at a time as follows. Eat each reintroduction food frequently throughout the day for 3 days straight (along with the diet above), then eliminate the food you just reintroduced for the following 3 days. If you didn't have an increase in any sort of symptoms during those 6 days (stomach, pains, tiredness, headache, etc.) you can permanently add that food back into your diet and continue this process with the next food. (Example 3 days of eating a lot of rice, 3 days of no rice, 3 days of a lot of corn, 3 days of no corn, etc.)
The order to reintroduce the foods is as follows. You can get very specific and do one type of grain, etc. at a time or each category as a whole if you tend not to have a lot of symptoms/health issues.
1. non-gluten grains and pseudo grains: oat, amaranth, millet, quinoa, rice
2. nuts- almonds, walnuts, cashews, filberts, macadamia pecans
3. peanuts
4. citrus
5. soy- only non-gmo or organic
6. corn- only non-gmo or organic
7. gluten containing grains- whole wheat pasta, shredded wheat cereal, whole wheat tortillas (avoid GF breads that have eggs in them)
8. eggs- can consider testing yolks and whites separately
9. nightshade veggies- eggplant, peppers, potatoes, tomatoes
10. dairy- milk, butter, yogurt
It is advised to always avoid everything on the phase 1 part 1 list, legumes, and to consider also avoiding gluten grains and dairy.
Alright, so basically because I already didn't eat processed/junk food, sugar, gluten or dairy for the most part, my doctor started me right at phase 1 part 2. For the past 16 days I've been attempting to get creative with chicken, beef, turkey, avocado, cabbage, broccoli, carrots, celery, cauliflower, onion, sweet potato, squash, spinach, kale, apples, bananas, plum, blueberries, oils, spices and coconut milk. It's been a blast... ha ha.
I met with my doctor today and she wants me to keep this up for another 5 days to reach 3 solid weeks. At that point I can start phase 2 with reintroducing different foods. Along with the foods listed I'll be allowed to reintroduce one by one pork, legumes and organic decaf coffee to test those out as well. And instead of 3 days on, 3 days off, she's letting me do 2 days on, 2 days off... so I should have a good amount of food reintroduced by the time Thanksgiving gets here! Wooo! Of course we're hoping I don't negatively react to anything reintroduced because if I do they are to be omitted from my diet forever.
So the positive to all this (or what my mom may think is a negative for me personally)- weight loss! If you want to lose weight, you may want to attempt this diet. I'm definitely not trying to lose weight but I've gone from 120lbs to 115lbs in 13 days. Don't worry mom, I'll probably gain it all right back during the reintroduction phase. Really, if you want to lose weight just cut out sugar, gluten and dairy. Boom, watch those pounds fall right off. And I feel very detoxed.
The negative is how restrictive this is. I don't mean the food itself, but because of the food. It's hard to be away from home because of how strict I need to eat. You can't really find antibiotic/hormone free, organic at restaurants and everything I can eat right now is perishable so it's hard to bring anything with me. Along with that, I've just been a lot more tired, fatigued, weaker and especially dizzier, so it's hard to go out anyways. My doctor said because I've been sick for so long (over 5 years), it might take a really really long time on this diet to see any improvement. So the symptoms are all still there, whereas a healthier person may experience a more positive drastic improvement very quickly. There is no guarantee but there is hope and prayer.
And with the mention of prayer, I'll end on these two things. One, as of tomorrow I will be starting an herbal lyme treatment program for the first time. Positive- no more antibiotics if I can tolerate this! That means more gut healing (antibiotics kill the gut!). Potential negative- I react strongly to low dose everything and since I'll be starting a lot of new things on this protocol that's the potential of a lot of negative reactions. So please pray.
Two, I have an update on my brain mri as well. For those unaware, I had a brain mri about a month ago and it showed a small hemorrhage meaning a bleed- in my brain. Extremely scary to me. My doctor today (neurologist) looked at everything from this and past mris and doesn't believe it is chronic as it was reported because it never showed on previous mris. Sounds like a good thing but it's not. It's bad because it means this is fairly new and thus could potentially get worse fairly quickly. So instead of her initial thought of repeating the mri in 4-6 months, she wants me to go for another one in December, then we'll go from there but definitely continue to follow it. Bleeding in the brain is probably one of the most serious things that can physically happen. And mri's are not at all cheap. So please, pray with me that by a miracle of God, the hemorrhage is gone, just completely gone and that everything in and on my brain looks 100% normal and healthy, that there is no cause for concern, no need for further testing or intervention and that I am healed through the power and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!
Two, I have an update on my brain mri as well. For those unaware, I had a brain mri about a month ago and it showed a small hemorrhage meaning a bleed- in my brain. Extremely scary to me. My doctor today (neurologist) looked at everything from this and past mris and doesn't believe it is chronic as it was reported because it never showed on previous mris. Sounds like a good thing but it's not. It's bad because it means this is fairly new and thus could potentially get worse fairly quickly. So instead of her initial thought of repeating the mri in 4-6 months, she wants me to go for another one in December, then we'll go from there but definitely continue to follow it. Bleeding in the brain is probably one of the most serious things that can physically happen. And mri's are not at all cheap. So please, pray with me that by a miracle of God, the hemorrhage is gone, just completely gone and that everything in and on my brain looks 100% normal and healthy, that there is no cause for concern, no need for further testing or intervention and that I am healed through the power and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!
I've written enough so I'll talk more about other stuff later. Thanks everyone.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Rough days
Yesterday was rough.
MG has been pretty bad. All over weakness. But also I've been doing so much reading, my eyes were so weak. When I read, and am very focused, I tend to clench my jaw, so my jaw and the rest of my face was also very weak. When my eyes and/or face get weak, it turns into horrible head/face pain. It's also affecting my swallowing. I just pray it stays away from my breathing, please God please.
Then last night was rough.
I think both my blood pressure and blood sugar dropped. For some reason when my blood sugar drops I also get nauseated. So I got my bp and blood sugar up but the nausea continued... pretty much all night. Thus also a lack of sleep.
Today I didn't eat anything, or take any meds or supplements, until just about now, 3:30pm. I was holding steady and felt like my body just didn't want anything more in it. But then came the blood pressure and blood sugar drops again, and the hunger to follow, so I ate. Still holding off on meds for the moment.
I'm still weak but stable. My stomach feels better and I think that break was needed.
I don't think this is really due to the diet- I mean it is, but it's isn't. I don't feel it's due to adapting to the diet, as that has already happened and I felt it. But this I feel is due to one of two things.
1. My sugar intake, even though natural from fruit, is still much higher than it ever is normally. Sugar, even from fruit, is bad for me. I'm trying to keep it low but smoothies without fruit are pretty eh. And I haven't found another strong enough source of potassium for me besides a banana. Apples wake me up. Regardless, too much fruit when you are limited to only meats, veggies and fruit.
2. I'm wondering if I'm getting too much magnesium. Not too much for a healthy person, but too much for me personally. Magnesium can potentially cause Myasthenia Gravis to get worse. I personally am extremely sensitive to it. Small amounts make my MG worse so I have to be careful/read labels. Well, there are no labels on fresh vegetables but dark leafy greens and avacados I know are high in magnesium and I've been eating a ton of both. But what else do you do when once again you can only have meats, veggies and fruits?
See, I had been eating healthy for a while. I cut out gluten, dairy and sugar (besides fruit). I reduced the consumption of gluten free grains, ate organic and non-gmo whenever possible and only consumed soy if it were organic, non-gmo, and corn only if it were as part of a supplement or rare occasion. I had it figured out in order to keep my health stable- not good enough to do more, but stable enough to remain out of the hospital for the most part and I was satisfied with that. But now, we go shaking it all up changing what my body is used to. Yes, this may be even healthier, but my body may be like what is going on here! I'm willing to remain patient with this diet and give it more time, but if I don't see any improvement or if I continue to decline over the next several months, then I'm going to conclude this is not the diet for me, and go back to what I figured out works on my own.
Once again, you don't realize what you have until it's gone. I want to feel like I did before starting this diet. Yes it meant resting more than not, following my known limitations even if I don't want to or others don't understand and watching what I eat... but it also meant I could get out more on my own without feeling like I shouldn't because I'm too weak, which meant more freedom and a higher quality of life even if still much below the norm. So I guess instead of wishing I had that, I should be grateful I'm still home instead of the hospital, have the ability to eat all this food and the tools I need to monitor my bp, blood sugar, oxygen, etc.
It's not that hard mentally to eat this way. But it is hard to feel like you never fit in and no one understands you, when the rest of the world around you lives differently, because they can. Be thankful for what you can do and supportive to those who cannot. God bless.
MG has been pretty bad. All over weakness. But also I've been doing so much reading, my eyes were so weak. When I read, and am very focused, I tend to clench my jaw, so my jaw and the rest of my face was also very weak. When my eyes and/or face get weak, it turns into horrible head/face pain. It's also affecting my swallowing. I just pray it stays away from my breathing, please God please.
Then last night was rough.
I think both my blood pressure and blood sugar dropped. For some reason when my blood sugar drops I also get nauseated. So I got my bp and blood sugar up but the nausea continued... pretty much all night. Thus also a lack of sleep.
Today I didn't eat anything, or take any meds or supplements, until just about now, 3:30pm. I was holding steady and felt like my body just didn't want anything more in it. But then came the blood pressure and blood sugar drops again, and the hunger to follow, so I ate. Still holding off on meds for the moment.
I'm still weak but stable. My stomach feels better and I think that break was needed.
I don't think this is really due to the diet- I mean it is, but it's isn't. I don't feel it's due to adapting to the diet, as that has already happened and I felt it. But this I feel is due to one of two things.
1. My sugar intake, even though natural from fruit, is still much higher than it ever is normally. Sugar, even from fruit, is bad for me. I'm trying to keep it low but smoothies without fruit are pretty eh. And I haven't found another strong enough source of potassium for me besides a banana. Apples wake me up. Regardless, too much fruit when you are limited to only meats, veggies and fruit.
2. I'm wondering if I'm getting too much magnesium. Not too much for a healthy person, but too much for me personally. Magnesium can potentially cause Myasthenia Gravis to get worse. I personally am extremely sensitive to it. Small amounts make my MG worse so I have to be careful/read labels. Well, there are no labels on fresh vegetables but dark leafy greens and avacados I know are high in magnesium and I've been eating a ton of both. But what else do you do when once again you can only have meats, veggies and fruits?
See, I had been eating healthy for a while. I cut out gluten, dairy and sugar (besides fruit). I reduced the consumption of gluten free grains, ate organic and non-gmo whenever possible and only consumed soy if it were organic, non-gmo, and corn only if it were as part of a supplement or rare occasion. I had it figured out in order to keep my health stable- not good enough to do more, but stable enough to remain out of the hospital for the most part and I was satisfied with that. But now, we go shaking it all up changing what my body is used to. Yes, this may be even healthier, but my body may be like what is going on here! I'm willing to remain patient with this diet and give it more time, but if I don't see any improvement or if I continue to decline over the next several months, then I'm going to conclude this is not the diet for me, and go back to what I figured out works on my own.
Once again, you don't realize what you have until it's gone. I want to feel like I did before starting this diet. Yes it meant resting more than not, following my known limitations even if I don't want to or others don't understand and watching what I eat... but it also meant I could get out more on my own without feeling like I shouldn't because I'm too weak, which meant more freedom and a higher quality of life even if still much below the norm. So I guess instead of wishing I had that, I should be grateful I'm still home instead of the hospital, have the ability to eat all this food and the tools I need to monitor my bp, blood sugar, oxygen, etc.
It's not that hard mentally to eat this way. But it is hard to feel like you never fit in and no one understands you, when the rest of the world around you lives differently, because they can. Be thankful for what you can do and supportive to those who cannot. God bless.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Updates, requests, etc.
Hey everyone! Just a bunch of random things I want to update, ask for, etc.
Diet Update
The special diet I'm on is... well, it is... still happening. The good part is my food cravings have subsided. No longer am I intensely desiring bread and butter, a Jimmy Johns sandwich or chips. Along with that, the thought of anything with sugar, carbs or dairy doesn't even really appeal to me... which is how it was for me before I started the diet. Once you cut out the junk, your body and brain no longer even want it.
The bad part of this diet is I've had some really weird days. I had a couple days of so much energy mentally, and more than normal physically, that I just talked a thousand words a minute to make up for the running I still can't do to expel the energy lol. But then started the days of feeling so exhausted, drained, tired, weak, just wanting to sleep. My doctor warned me I would have to take it easy but she said "the first few days or weeks." This is day 8 and I feel like I got run over by a truck. I want that energy feeling back! The confusing part is I don't know if this is due to the diet, die off/herxing, lyme and/or MG. But I'll take it as it comes, because that's what you've got to do with chronic illness.
Testing Results and Prayer Request
That aside, a few weeks ago I had a brain mri done. Story behind this-
When I was living in Texas and trying to get a diagnosis, the neurologist there ran a brain mri as part of all my testing. It was normal the first time. She ran it again a year later when I was still not diagnosed (she was thinking I had MS- similar symptoms to MG) and it showed some sort of cyst or something that wasn't there before. So I was told to have these repeated annually. Since my return to Illinois, it showed the same, so it was kind of placed in the back of my mind as no big deal. Well it was over a year since the last one was done. At my last appointment with my primary care doctor, he wanted to order one not really due to this past, but due to increased memory and thought process problems. I thought it would show white matter like it does on MS patients because Lyme Disease can do that (many who have lyme have been misdiagnosed with MS). The result it did show I was not at all expecting: small chronic hemorrhage. Um, yikes. That's bleeding in my brain. That's very scary. And how chronic could it be if it didn't exist 2 years ago? Thus how much worse can it get in a short time? So many thoughts running through my head. But the nurse told me just follow up with my neurologist. Ok so it's probably not that serious since they didn't send me straight to the ER. I can relax a bit. Still scary.
My neurologist looked at the imaging and report and agreed with the findings. So she just told me she wants me to get another brain mri done in 4-6 months to see if there are any changes. Thus, I am asking for prayer about this. Please pray that this is no big deal, nothing to worry about (somehow?). Please pray for God to ease my worries and know He's got this, He's got me and I can feel peace and comfort in that no matter what may come next or come later down the road. Thank you!
Blog Stuff
I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who takes time out of their day to read my blog. Thank you for caring about me enough to read my updates and/or wanting to learn about these different conditions and/or spread awareness. Every piece of that means something to me and is much appreciated. I had no idea a simple idea of making one place all family and friends could check in to read my updates while in the hospital would turn into over 25 thousand views only 2 years later. That's incredible. I LOVE to write and I'm able to do what I love while spreading awareness. Sounds simple, but it's a blessing to me. So thank you everyone. God is so good!
I have one request. You see that area off to the right side "Follow by Email"? If you haven't already, could you please sign up? That just means when I write a post, you will receive it by email. Read it, don't read it, it's your choice. But if I get enough people to sign up I can be a book reviewer, which is um, awesome! Free books! More writing! Yes please! Once signing up, you will receive an email to confirm your subscription. Please click on that or it won't count. If you signed up but didn't confirm, please find that email to click on or try to re-sign up. There was a problem for a while with my posts actually not getting sent to those who signed up, but I played with some settings and seem to have fixed it.
Anyways, I talked enough here. Thanks again for reading, for praying and for being of encouragement to me through every part of this journey called life. God bless!
Diet Update
The special diet I'm on is... well, it is... still happening. The good part is my food cravings have subsided. No longer am I intensely desiring bread and butter, a Jimmy Johns sandwich or chips. Along with that, the thought of anything with sugar, carbs or dairy doesn't even really appeal to me... which is how it was for me before I started the diet. Once you cut out the junk, your body and brain no longer even want it.
The bad part of this diet is I've had some really weird days. I had a couple days of so much energy mentally, and more than normal physically, that I just talked a thousand words a minute to make up for the running I still can't do to expel the energy lol. But then started the days of feeling so exhausted, drained, tired, weak, just wanting to sleep. My doctor warned me I would have to take it easy but she said "the first few days or weeks." This is day 8 and I feel like I got run over by a truck. I want that energy feeling back! The confusing part is I don't know if this is due to the diet, die off/herxing, lyme and/or MG. But I'll take it as it comes, because that's what you've got to do with chronic illness.
Testing Results and Prayer Request
That aside, a few weeks ago I had a brain mri done. Story behind this-
When I was living in Texas and trying to get a diagnosis, the neurologist there ran a brain mri as part of all my testing. It was normal the first time. She ran it again a year later when I was still not diagnosed (she was thinking I had MS- similar symptoms to MG) and it showed some sort of cyst or something that wasn't there before. So I was told to have these repeated annually. Since my return to Illinois, it showed the same, so it was kind of placed in the back of my mind as no big deal. Well it was over a year since the last one was done. At my last appointment with my primary care doctor, he wanted to order one not really due to this past, but due to increased memory and thought process problems. I thought it would show white matter like it does on MS patients because Lyme Disease can do that (many who have lyme have been misdiagnosed with MS). The result it did show I was not at all expecting: small chronic hemorrhage. Um, yikes. That's bleeding in my brain. That's very scary. And how chronic could it be if it didn't exist 2 years ago? Thus how much worse can it get in a short time? So many thoughts running through my head. But the nurse told me just follow up with my neurologist. Ok so it's probably not that serious since they didn't send me straight to the ER. I can relax a bit. Still scary.
My neurologist looked at the imaging and report and agreed with the findings. So she just told me she wants me to get another brain mri done in 4-6 months to see if there are any changes. Thus, I am asking for prayer about this. Please pray that this is no big deal, nothing to worry about (somehow?). Please pray for God to ease my worries and know He's got this, He's got me and I can feel peace and comfort in that no matter what may come next or come later down the road. Thank you!
Blog Stuff
I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who takes time out of their day to read my blog. Thank you for caring about me enough to read my updates and/or wanting to learn about these different conditions and/or spread awareness. Every piece of that means something to me and is much appreciated. I had no idea a simple idea of making one place all family and friends could check in to read my updates while in the hospital would turn into over 25 thousand views only 2 years later. That's incredible. I LOVE to write and I'm able to do what I love while spreading awareness. Sounds simple, but it's a blessing to me. So thank you everyone. God is so good!
I have one request. You see that area off to the right side "Follow by Email"? If you haven't already, could you please sign up? That just means when I write a post, you will receive it by email. Read it, don't read it, it's your choice. But if I get enough people to sign up I can be a book reviewer, which is um, awesome! Free books! More writing! Yes please! Once signing up, you will receive an email to confirm your subscription. Please click on that or it won't count. If you signed up but didn't confirm, please find that email to click on or try to re-sign up. There was a problem for a while with my posts actually not getting sent to those who signed up, but I played with some settings and seem to have fixed it.
Anyways, I talked enough here. Thanks again for reading, for praying and for being of encouragement to me through every part of this journey called life. God bless!
Monday, October 5, 2015
No Regrets
I was just listening to someone speak about something online and one thing he said stood out to me. "If I were to go today, I would have no regrets." That got me thinking, and what I thought was I feel I would have one regret.
I would regret not telling everyone I could about Jesus. So this is what I want you all to know.
Religion says it's about rules. God says it's about relationship. Religion says you have to do certain things. God says it's already done. You see we cannot earn our way into heaven. There is only one way to heaven. That is through God's Son, Jesus Christ.
God created the world to be good, but gave us free will to choose. Because of Adam and Eve choosing to go against God, sin entered this world. So the problem is we are now separated from God because of our sin. But God loves us so He provided a solution to this problem by sending His Son, Jesus, to walk this earth just like we did, to suffer and die on the cross so that OUR sins could be nailed to that cross! Now it is up to us if we accept Him as Lord and Savior, as He is the only way to heaven.
If you want no doubt of where you are going after this life, open yourself to the greatest gift that has ever been given. Confess to God that you are a sinner, we all are. Confess that you need a Savior. And then accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. If you do this with all your heart, you will be saved. You can be guaranteed you are going to heaven.
There is no need to be scared as God is all knowing and God knows what is best for you. He gave us free will and He will not take that away from you. You can still choose. But God wants an intimate relationship with you. With YOU. He wants you to talk to Him, to pour your heart out, to ask Him for your needs, to thank Him for your blessings, and to listen to Him. The joy that will fill you, regardless of circumstances, is absolutely wonderful. God is so good!
You can then make the decision to get baptized, even if you felt you were as a baby. Baptism is to follow each own's personal decision to follow Christ, out of obedience and an outward sign of your decision. Get into a good Bible based/teaching church. Read the bible. Join a group to help you on this journey. People are there to help you. Most importantly God is there to help you. You just have to let Him.
God must come first. God bless!
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. Matthew 7:13-14
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
I would regret not telling everyone I could about Jesus. So this is what I want you all to know.
Religion says it's about rules. God says it's about relationship. Religion says you have to do certain things. God says it's already done. You see we cannot earn our way into heaven. There is only one way to heaven. That is through God's Son, Jesus Christ.
God created the world to be good, but gave us free will to choose. Because of Adam and Eve choosing to go against God, sin entered this world. So the problem is we are now separated from God because of our sin. But God loves us so He provided a solution to this problem by sending His Son, Jesus, to walk this earth just like we did, to suffer and die on the cross so that OUR sins could be nailed to that cross! Now it is up to us if we accept Him as Lord and Savior, as He is the only way to heaven.
If you want no doubt of where you are going after this life, open yourself to the greatest gift that has ever been given. Confess to God that you are a sinner, we all are. Confess that you need a Savior. And then accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. If you do this with all your heart, you will be saved. You can be guaranteed you are going to heaven.
There is no need to be scared as God is all knowing and God knows what is best for you. He gave us free will and He will not take that away from you. You can still choose. But God wants an intimate relationship with you. With YOU. He wants you to talk to Him, to pour your heart out, to ask Him for your needs, to thank Him for your blessings, and to listen to Him. The joy that will fill you, regardless of circumstances, is absolutely wonderful. God is so good!
You can then make the decision to get baptized, even if you felt you were as a baby. Baptism is to follow each own's personal decision to follow Christ, out of obedience and an outward sign of your decision. Get into a good Bible based/teaching church. Read the bible. Join a group to help you on this journey. People are there to help you. Most importantly God is there to help you. You just have to let Him.
God must come first. God bless!
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. Matthew 7:13-14
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
Sunday, October 4, 2015
October 4th, Day 4
Don't worry I won't keep this up every day. But I just got so excited I had to post again. Excited... over my food. Because finally something I made within my strict restrictions tasted delicious, and I wanted to share. Nothing I'm doing is based on any recipes, so when something tastes good, it's a win.
Crockpot-
ground beef
ground turkey
carrots
onions
sweet potato
red cabbage
a bit of avocado oil
water
salt, pepper, garlic
a little bit of this a little bit of that italian seasonings
Delish. But boy do I want a piece of bread and butter with it...
Another thing I made today that I thought was so-so but my mom apparently thought it was pretty tasty. It's really random but here you go.
Smoothie made up of-
avocado
squash
banana
blueberry
hemp protein mix
whole fat coconut milk
a little coconut water
ice
water
ginger (because hey, why not!)
I dare you to try these recipes... your taste buds may not like it but your body will.
By the way, I'm hanging in there. I changed my meats to morning and smoothies to lunch, also reducing my fruit intake, and it seems to help. But still... 12 days til gluten free grains! Woo!
Crockpot-
ground beef
ground turkey
carrots
onions
sweet potato
red cabbage
a bit of avocado oil
water
salt, pepper, garlic
a little bit of this a little bit of that italian seasonings
Delish. But boy do I want a piece of bread and butter with it...
Another thing I made today that I thought was so-so but my mom apparently thought it was pretty tasty. It's really random but here you go.
Smoothie made up of-
avocado
squash
banana
blueberry
hemp protein mix
whole fat coconut milk
a little coconut water
ice
water
ginger (because hey, why not!)
I dare you to try these recipes... your taste buds may not like it but your body will.
By the way, I'm hanging in there. I changed my meats to morning and smoothies to lunch, also reducing my fruit intake, and it seems to help. But still... 12 days til gluten free grains! Woo!
Saturday, October 3, 2015
October 3rd, Day 3
I spoke too soon. I feel like this happens all too often... talking about something positive happening and then bam, downhill I go. Almost as if the devil reads everything I write and won't ever let me have that satisfaction of improved health. But, devil be gone! You have no place in my life!
Anyways.
Last night was rough. I barely slept at all. Sweating, freezing, itching, stomach aches, breathing trouble, joint and muscle pain and weakness, stiffness. It felt like I was getting lyme all over again. So I wondered several things-
1. Did I get lyme AGAIN? I've already got it 3 times, at this point it seems more likely than not for me to keep getting bit. Each time even though on long term treatment, can cause a new form of lyme or co-infection. Not to mention this new bite mark on my arm... no bullseye though, at least not yet. Hopefully this is not the case, but of course it's at the forefront of my mind.
2. Is this due to die off/herxing from the medication killing the lyme just happening to coincide with this new diet?
3. Is this due to die off/herxing because of the new diet?
4. What, to me, seems the most likely is this. Am I actually feeding the lyme and candida and thus the increase of symptoms? The reason I propose this question is because I NEVER consume the amount of fruit I've consumed over the past few days. Since I stay away from unnatural sugar, fruit is the only form of sugar I get, and thus the past few days has actually been an increase in sugar intake rather than decrease. I'm not supposed to eat as much fruit as I have been, instead supposed to eat more meats, veggies and healthy fats, but I've had to do the fruit due to lack of carbs in trying to stabilize my blood sugar.
My doctor and I emailed back and forth and there is no definite answer but she thinks probably a combination of options 3 and 4. So she said reduce the fruit and if I absolutely must, I can add some "healthy" gluten free brown rice or grain in order to prevent further decline.
13.5 more days until grains re-enter my life. Sad, I know. lol
Anyways.
Last night was rough. I barely slept at all. Sweating, freezing, itching, stomach aches, breathing trouble, joint and muscle pain and weakness, stiffness. It felt like I was getting lyme all over again. So I wondered several things-
1. Did I get lyme AGAIN? I've already got it 3 times, at this point it seems more likely than not for me to keep getting bit. Each time even though on long term treatment, can cause a new form of lyme or co-infection. Not to mention this new bite mark on my arm... no bullseye though, at least not yet. Hopefully this is not the case, but of course it's at the forefront of my mind.
2. Is this due to die off/herxing from the medication killing the lyme just happening to coincide with this new diet?
3. Is this due to die off/herxing because of the new diet?
4. What, to me, seems the most likely is this. Am I actually feeding the lyme and candida and thus the increase of symptoms? The reason I propose this question is because I NEVER consume the amount of fruit I've consumed over the past few days. Since I stay away from unnatural sugar, fruit is the only form of sugar I get, and thus the past few days has actually been an increase in sugar intake rather than decrease. I'm not supposed to eat as much fruit as I have been, instead supposed to eat more meats, veggies and healthy fats, but I've had to do the fruit due to lack of carbs in trying to stabilize my blood sugar.
My doctor and I emailed back and forth and there is no definite answer but she thinks probably a combination of options 3 and 4. So she said reduce the fruit and if I absolutely must, I can add some "healthy" gluten free brown rice or grain in order to prevent further decline.
13.5 more days until grains re-enter my life. Sad, I know. lol
Friday, October 2, 2015
October 2nd, Day 2
Not sure how many will read this since the majority of my readers come through facebook and I'm taking a hiatus from facebook. But, for those who still will read, here is an update.
I just completed day 2 of this elimination diet. Oh my. I'm surviving and it's not as hard on my body, at least not so far, that I thought it would be. But I'm already getting pretty sick of eating the same foods over and over. I'm trying to get creative in a simple way, so I thought I would share what my meals have consisted of thus far in case anyone wants to join me in this super fun process. Everything mentioned is organic, non-gmo, antibiotic/hormone free, grass fed whenever possible.
Day 1
Breakfast- smoothie made up of spinach, celery, apples, blueberries, cinnamon, pink Himalayan salt, a little coconut water and filtered water. and my typical banana.
Thoughts- Turned out much better than it sounds, still not the greatest though.
Lunch- ground beef seasoned with salt, pepper, garlic and cumin with lettuce and sweet potatoes.
Thoughts- I want some tortilla chips!
Dinner- chicken breast seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic cooked with coconut oil, side of broccoli and an apple.
Thoughts- This is a typical dinner, so no big deal here.
Snacks- (don't laugh, I'm serious) baby food pouches- spinach, blueberry, apple mix and banana squash mix, hemp protein, green drink, cabbage and carrots, carrot lemon juice, lemon mineral water, raisins (not sure if I can eat those but I am because I feel the need for more iron).
Day 2
Breakfast- smoothie made up of avocado, banana, carob powder, hemp protein, green drink mix, a little coconut water and filtered water.
Thoughts- Surprisingly good, for this diet at least.
Lunch- same as above
Dinner- same as above except cooked with avocado oil this time.
Snacks- same as above but cucumber pineapple juice instead of carrot lemon.
The hardest part of this isn't even what my doctor has me doing, it's what I decided to do myself, stay off of facebook. It's not hard for the reason you may be thinking... it's not hard to not try to go on, it's not hard to not see what everyone is up to, it's not hard to not post my own stuff. What is hard, extremely hard, is losing that social interaction. Healthy people may laugh at that statement. But when you have a chronic illness, social interaction is often very much through social media/internet. I miss talking to my friends from all across the country in the same situations I'm in. I miss giving and receiving that support. I miss seeing the pictures of everyone's families and smiles.
This has made one thing extremely clear to me. Relationships are a must. I can lean on the side of anti-social sometimes only because I'm very much an introvert and I NEED that me-time to recoup, sick or not. But I still need relationships in my life and I miss a lot of those right now. So my new goal, for this reason, is not to stay off facebook at least 2 weeks. Rather, it is to get at least half of the things on this long "honey do" list done, and once I do, facebook shall return. I miss you all! For the few of you who live in the area, I think we need to get together if my health allows. Everyone else, text or email (or call but we know I despise the phone).
14 days of phase one of this diet left... yes the countdown already started. Can't wait to add in my gluten free grains!
Thanks for reading.
I just completed day 2 of this elimination diet. Oh my. I'm surviving and it's not as hard on my body, at least not so far, that I thought it would be. But I'm already getting pretty sick of eating the same foods over and over. I'm trying to get creative in a simple way, so I thought I would share what my meals have consisted of thus far in case anyone wants to join me in this super fun process. Everything mentioned is organic, non-gmo, antibiotic/hormone free, grass fed whenever possible.
Day 1
Breakfast- smoothie made up of spinach, celery, apples, blueberries, cinnamon, pink Himalayan salt, a little coconut water and filtered water. and my typical banana.
Thoughts- Turned out much better than it sounds, still not the greatest though.
Lunch- ground beef seasoned with salt, pepper, garlic and cumin with lettuce and sweet potatoes.
Thoughts- I want some tortilla chips!
Dinner- chicken breast seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic cooked with coconut oil, side of broccoli and an apple.
Thoughts- This is a typical dinner, so no big deal here.
Snacks- (don't laugh, I'm serious) baby food pouches- spinach, blueberry, apple mix and banana squash mix, hemp protein, green drink, cabbage and carrots, carrot lemon juice, lemon mineral water, raisins (not sure if I can eat those but I am because I feel the need for more iron).
Day 2
Breakfast- smoothie made up of avocado, banana, carob powder, hemp protein, green drink mix, a little coconut water and filtered water.
Thoughts- Surprisingly good, for this diet at least.
Lunch- same as above
Dinner- same as above except cooked with avocado oil this time.
Snacks- same as above but cucumber pineapple juice instead of carrot lemon.
The hardest part of this isn't even what my doctor has me doing, it's what I decided to do myself, stay off of facebook. It's not hard for the reason you may be thinking... it's not hard to not try to go on, it's not hard to not see what everyone is up to, it's not hard to not post my own stuff. What is hard, extremely hard, is losing that social interaction. Healthy people may laugh at that statement. But when you have a chronic illness, social interaction is often very much through social media/internet. I miss talking to my friends from all across the country in the same situations I'm in. I miss giving and receiving that support. I miss seeing the pictures of everyone's families and smiles.
This has made one thing extremely clear to me. Relationships are a must. I can lean on the side of anti-social sometimes only because I'm very much an introvert and I NEED that me-time to recoup, sick or not. But I still need relationships in my life and I miss a lot of those right now. So my new goal, for this reason, is not to stay off facebook at least 2 weeks. Rather, it is to get at least half of the things on this long "honey do" list done, and once I do, facebook shall return. I miss you all! For the few of you who live in the area, I think we need to get together if my health allows. Everyone else, text or email (or call but we know I despise the phone).
14 days of phase one of this diet left... yes the countdown already started. Can't wait to add in my gluten free grains!
Thanks for reading.
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