I ran the track!

...but not in the way you are thinking. Though, it pulled you in didn't it? haha! Now that you are here, read on...

In having MG and POTS/Dysautonomia, or many other chronic illnesses, we often appear to "look fine", but the inside of us is far from fine. Among many other symptoms, the extreme chronic fatigue, exhaustion and weakness is nothing any generally healthy person can relate to. I know because I used to be healthy. I used to experience the fullness of life in a healthy body. I also used to run. And my exhaustion after a race was nothing like the exhaustion/fatigue/weakness I feel every day of my life now. But for the purpose of an analogy in the attempt of something people can relate to, we're going to talk about running track.

Imagine running track. But... it's not a short sprint to the finish line. Not one lap around. Not even a few miles. You are running with no end in sight. Loop. After loop. After loop. It doesn't matter if you get tired. It doesn't matter if you need a break. Keep running.

Sounds exhausting right? It is. Our bodies are fighting every single second of every single day, chronically fatigued/exhausted/weak, again among all the other symptoms. But that's not all.

Now add hurdles. Not just a few. Nope, they just keep on appearing. Wait, now add a blindfold. Yes, now you have to constantly run and without notice jump over a hurdle, and another one, and another one. Keep going. Never stop.

What are these hurdles?

- a doctor telling you "it's just anxiety"
- medication that causes more side effects than symptoms
- someone telling you "push through it" when you know pushing through it will land you in the hospital because with MG there is nothing there to push with
- someone complaining about how you can't go out or need to cancel plans AGAIN
- but watching as everyone else lives their normal lives and can go out and have fun while you have to stay on the track
- having to explain this to every new person you meet
- feeling questioned by every new person you meet, feeling the doubt as they look at your healthy appearance and blind to the sickness inside
- getting yelled at by someone for using a handicap spot because you look healthy
- not leaving the house today because your legs just won't work for you
- bill after bill after bill to pay without the financial ability to do so because you can't work
- then getting ridiculed about how you can work but just don't want to (yeah I wish!)
- another trip to the ER
- surgeries
- hospital stays
- scars on your body from treatments to filter your blood
- loved ones abandoning you when you need them the most
- not even remembering what it was like to feel healthy

So on and so forth. It's tough enough running this track every single second of every single day, but add in all those hurdles and it's even tougher. So, if you are a family member or friend of someone who has MG, POTS or any chronic illness, always look for an opportunity to remove a hurdle. Look for an opportunity to make our constant run a little less exhausting. We will appreciate it so very much.

Sometimes people are in the stands, cheering you along, supporting you, encouraging you, there to bring you water along the way. Other times, they leave, one by one, or all at once... and sometimes you are there all by yourself. Running, just running, alone.

For me, it is those moments that are the hardest, feeling alone on this track running in this never ending run that no one can seem to relate to. But it is in those moments, I realize though I am weak, I am incredibly strong. I am strong because I'm still on that track. I am strong because I am never actually alone. I am strong because God is my strength. And with God as my strength, I know I can keep on running.