off the top of my head

I haven't written in a while... not feeling well, busy, not feeling well, busy... anyways. This is going to be random off the top of my head what's on my head to get something out there and bring me back into writers mode.

I was really sick on Easter. Days leading up to it I had a sore throat then a fever. Then on Easter very early morning while I should still be sleeping I woke up with horrible nausea and stomach pain. It lasted all day and into yesterday. It's better today as long as I stay laying down. If I get up, it's back. I don't know if I got food poisoning, caught the flu or something else. Maybe it's "just" POTS. Yes, POTS can do stuff like this. Some people can barely eat because of POTS. The odd thing is after 2 days of barely eating because I can't, I gained a few pounds. Weird, but ok.

Overnight I woke up countless times because my entire body went tingly. You know how it happens to your leg or arm when it falls asleep? Well it kept happening... to my entire body. The only way I've been able to make that go away is by standing or moving around. But then, back to the nausea... and add the weakness.

With chronic illness you just can't win. It's always something. And when it's not that, it's still.. something. You NEVER feel good. Sometimes you say you feel good, but "good" isn't good, it's "I'm getting by" or "I'm doing better than yesterday when I couldn't even get out of bed." Our outsides don't show what our insides know. It's a constant struggle every second of every day, one we have to face physically alone... because no one else can step inside our body and do this for us.

But it affects everyone around us. It affects relationships, social life, having a career, having a family, everything. It affects everyone and every thing. Healthy people can get over the flu and move on with their life. Healthy people can wake up and go out on a moments notice. Healthy people can live however they choose to live even if they aren't choosing to do so right now. We with chronic illness, well, we really can't. It's really hard. And it's harder when those you love leave you and make you do it alone, more alone. It really shows you who people really are. Their true colors. How strong they are when things get tough... and they... run.

Like flowers in a garden... the ones that look beautiful when the sun is shining, they wilt over and die when the storms come. But then there are those that stay strong through the storm and after that it makes you realize how beautiful they really are. People are like this. Some appear to have a kind heart but they run at first opportunity. Others maybe you barely notice, but when times get tough they are right there with you every step of the way and you see how beautiful their heart is.

So we with chronic illness. We've already succeeded. We are successful. We are strong. We are tough. We have done it and are doing it and will continue to do it. We have each other, we have those who care and stand by us, and we have ourselves.

And most importantly, hopefully a number of us also have God. Because no matter who gets in the way or what gets in the way, God wins every time. Hold on to that. Hold on to Him.

No one and no thing can keep me down, because I belong to Him. I'm a citizen of Heaven passing through earth. Remember that as you walk through your daily struggles. This too shall pass. He is our strength. God is good. Happy belated Easter, since I was very sick on the actual day. But as I kept telling myself then, and now, my suffering is nothing compared to His. So if He wants to show His strength through me, through my weakness, let it be!