Joshua's Birth Story

Joshua was born December 7th at 11:38 am weighing in at 8 lbs 2 oz and 20.5 inches! We're at home recovering and getting adjusted and so blessed for our early Christmas gift this year!

Now let's back up to hear how it all happened. Take a seat, it's long.

41 weeks was approaching- Wednesday the 6th. I had a feeling all along December 7th would be Joshua's birthday, so I purposefully made my 41 week appointment on Friday- hoping I'd go into labor before then, and trying everything I could naturally to make that happen.

Well, Bojangles put me into labor. End of story. Haha just kidding, though really, I truly believe Bojangles put me into labor lol. It was Monday the 4th and J and I both had a taste for Bojangles for dinner. A few hours later I had what felt like a contraction. Then I had a feeling, it's going to be soon, but not too soon. I didn't connect the two things together. But I woke up very early morning hungry so I finished the rest of my Bojangles. Again shortly after, another contraction! Coincidence? I think not. I was tempted to keep eating Bojangles until this little guy decided to make his appearance. Instead, I decided, it's better to wait until Wednesday when my parents would be here and could drive us to the hospital if need be (J can't drive in the dark and I hear the majority of women go into labor overnight).

So Wednesday came and we decided to make a "date" day of it- funny because our "date" was walking a large warehouse store (walking- trying everything to go into labor now at 41 weeks). And also eating Taco Johns because well- I love Mexican food and it's in a town we don't frequent so I thought I'd get it one last time while I can get out and about. Well, the entire day I had what I would imagine to be contractions. It was kind of scary because at first they were all over the place- 2 minutes apart, 8 minutes apart, 4 minutes apart etc. but then they were consistently 3-4 minutes apart, lasting 30-45 seconds. Turns out I was in early labor.

So my parents get here right before dark, and guess what they want to eat? Bojangles! Well, they leave to go pick up the food and in the mean time I had another sign of labor. It again scared me so I first called my doula who said to go ahead and call my dr (he gave his cell number for things like this). I called and he said it sounds like I'm in labor and to come in to be checked. Ok I about lost it. Suddenly everything I knew dissipated from my mind. I went blank. What do I do? (walk out the door) What do I need to still pack and bring? (not much) Who do I need to call? (no one) And then the- I can't do this. I'm not ready. What did I get myself into? I don't think I'm good enough to be a mom. It's not time yet. Ahhhhhhhh. I needed J to calm me down. We packed up the car and left- my parents driving, in the dark, eating Bojangles on the hour ride there. Oh Bojangles. Should have made that Joshua's middle name lol.

We arrive to the hospital and I don't know what to expect. No one told us where to go if it's after hours. Going through the ER made me so nervous so we just entered there and walked on up to labor and delivery. The dr already called so they were expecting me, but no rooms were ready so I was put in this tiny closet like room that was super hot. Fortunately it was only temporary. The nurse asked if I was in pain and I said no, only scared. She did everything she had to do and moved me into a labor and delivery room. Shortly after that my dr and my doula showed up- I don't remember who was first and what all happened. Oddly I remember more of the latter parts than the beginning. All I know is I was 4 centimeters and 90%. Woah, it's like go time, almost. They admitted me and told me it's about to happen. Said goodbye to my parents and continued eating the rest of my Bojangles. Seeing a theme here?

Active labor soon began. Walking, rocking, leaning against my husband- funny part- I apparently kept getting mad at his glasses and said "I hate those things!" I guess you had to be there because it doesn't sound funny now. But he had his glasses on his shirt and when I was trying to lean up against him I couldn't because of it. Oh how I wanted to throw those things. Kneeling, laying, moving into the labor tub. I am SO thankful for a hospital that allowed me to freely move during labor, who never once- not even once!- asked if I wanted an epidural (exactly what I wanted them to do- not even offer it). A hospital that let me go without even having a line in for IV until I truly needed one. A hospital that let me eat and drink and pretty much do whatever I wanted as long as it was deemed safe. I was the patient- I called the shots- they were just there to help me. Why can't all medical staff be like that? It was incredibly amazing and incredibly different than what I've ever experienced from a hospital or medical staff. It was a true relief. This was a natural thing, and they were here to support a natural process.

I knew as all modesty went out the window this was the real thing. Transition. I read about it, talked about it, but nothing can prepare you for it. I felt like for me it was between 5-8 cm, but maybe it came after. Again it's mostly all a blur. Wow did that hurt. I can't remember the pain but I remember it was incredibly exhausting and nothing like anything I've ever experienced. Now is when I kept saying I can't do this, I think I need help taking this child out of me, etc. But because of my preparation I knew all of that was expected and signs that things were progressing well. J and I had a code word that there would be absolutely no talk of epidural unless I said it. I said a lot of things but that was never one of them nor did I even think about it. No way. I made it this far. There's no turning back now. I can do this. I can do this through HIM who gives me strength. God. Jesus. And the prayers started.

Next thing I know I'm praying my way through the latter part of labor and delivery. Lord help me. God be my strength. I cannot do this but You can. This is all You. All the glory goes to You. Lord thank you for relieving my pain. Thank you for getting me through this.

I was in another world. Nothing and no one around me affected me any more. My husband fell asleep for a short while and I saw him- that's good- go for it. My doula asked to leave for a short while to take a nap- you're fine- go for it. God's got me, God's got this.

Dr was in and out and comes back in. After a day of early labor followed by about 12 hours of hard active labor, he says I think you're ready to push. Um, no, no dr I'm not. I don't think it's time yet. Oh but it is, you can do this. What? I'm actually to this point of pregnancy, labor and delivery? The pushing? The part where baby soon comes after? Um, again yeah I'm not ready for this. But this isn't on my time. It's on His. And Joshua's. Joshua was ready... well, almost.

Pushing... 3 hours or something close to it... The contraction pain wasn't as bad but now a new kind of pain started. Yikes. I was trying so hard to make this happen when the vacuum/suction was mentioned. I hesitated at first. But then the dr mentioned if I can't do it it could result in a c-section. I certainly didn't want that, especially after all this hard work. I hesitated some more. We asked if it would hurt the baby, if it would hurt me. He said there would be bruising and it would hurt no more than pushing out baby on my own, this would just help me get him out. We all knew I was at my limit. MG made pushing on more dangerous. So I had to make a really tough decision and say ok. I didn't want to- I wanted this entirely on my own- but for the last 3 or 4 pushes- the dr assisted in getting him out.

And there was his head- sunny side up- oh you stubborn baby. That made it all the much harder to get him out and having back labor. Seeing that little head was motivation. I can do this. Pray my way through it. And there is he. Before I knew it he was on my chest.

~~~skip this next part if you don't want to read anything that could be a trigger~~~

And then I freaked out. He was slightly limp, slightly pale. What's wrong with my little boy? Come on Joshua you can do this. Come to it! I tapped him on the butt a few times because well I don't know that was my natural instinct and later I heard that helps bring them to. And it did! He started to cry! He gained his color! He gained some movement! He's going to make it, my little boy is going to make it! I kept saying I need to feed him I need to feed him. And then, he pooped on me. lol. Thanks little one. But he was still having trouble. A nurse very slowly and clearly explained to me they needed to take him to help him out a bit- give him a little oxygen to make him stable. I kept saying yes, I understand, it's ok, take him, do what you have to do. I was so appreciative of them following my birth order to a t and making informed consent incredibly clear but now I was just like take him! It's ok! Just take him and make him stable! But I made sure J went with him to the other side of the room to be with him through it. I didn't know what went on until days after, I thought it was just oxygen. But apparently they had to pump out his stomach a bit for fluids inside it. I'm glad no one told me I would have lost it. All I knew was my little one was ok and back on my chest shortly after. I tested for MG myself. I lifted his little arms and legs. He was stable. The next day I knew for sure... he lifted his head on his own! He turned his head on his own! On day 2 of life! Amazing! He's going to be a strong one, I just knew it.

~~~Continue here if you skipped~~~

Somehow I had a natural labor and delivery with minimal assistance. Well, God's strength was the somehow. But I did it all for him. I did it to not have the affects of medication/epidural- so I could hopefully be strong to care for him, to not let that stuff pass to him, to not risk the multiple complications that can come with it. Unfortunately, I still had issues. With MG and after all that who wouldn't? My blood pressure fell, bleeding was a bit too much, I felt like I was going to pass out and almost fell asleep while they helped me feed him. I felt like I was fading. I kept saying I need an IV but they were hesitant after my refusal of drugs and everything else. Finally they gave me that and also some kind of tablet in my mouth to help with the bleeding. I asked for like 3 glasses of orange juice because I read you should drink that after to get your blood sugar up. Funny that's what was on my mind to be aware of. After some struggles we asked to rest and the 3 of us were able to sleep for about an hour before being moved into a recovery room about 3-4 hours after delivery. I had no energy for anything besides attempting to eat my first meal in 24 hours and learning to feed my boy and sleeping.

The next day the struggle was more real. MG hit me. Breathing trouble, walking trouble, arm-neck-eye strength trouble. As I got up to go to the bathroom it hit me. My legs didn't work well anymore. I was taken back to that time in Texas where I had to regain my strength and relearn how to walk. With my back and arms supported by my husband, with every attempt at a step was a tear. I can't go through this again. I can't have my husband go through this, witness this, have to help me walk. Pain of labor and delivery was real, but this was a tougher struggle- an emotional one that hit me harder than any pain could. Pray just pray.

Prayer got me through it. My blood pressure was still low but I was stable. I was slowly walking very short distances on my own again. I felt I'd never be ready but I had to do this. Saturday morning, a doctor checked on and released me and a pediatrician checked on and released Joshua. We were headed home. Oh the ball of emotions I was. Home? You mean, no more nurses to help us through this? It's real this time? I have another life to care for? No more pregnancy and caring for him within me? How could I do this? Drive safely J. Drive safely. Didn't help Joshua decided to arrive in the middle of the first snow storm. We made it home safely, walked through that door and knew this little man's going to be ok- not because of me or anything we could do- but because God's hand is in this. God held me through it, and He won't let me/us go now. This little one will be raised up in the Lord and God will guide us through it.

Thank you to my dr who is amazing in allowing me this natural birth, all the nurses and staff that made that possible as well, especially to my doula who I couldn't have done this without her, to the Bradley teacher who taught me everything I needed to know to prepare for a natural labor and delivery, and especially to my husband who stood by my side and supported me even physically, through it. Babe, you're telling me "You're doing great... I'm proud of you... You did it." You have no idea how much that means to me. Word of affirmation babe- you did great with it. You helped me through this! And thank you to my parents for driving my mom down here literally just in time to drive us to the hospital- God's timing is perfect. For my mom helping out so much this past week and week to come- cooking, cleaning, washing Joshua's 5 changes of outfits a day lol. Thank you to J's parents for coming down to help as well. It's so great seeing grandparents meet him.

I'm still an emotional mess. Hormones are everywhere I tell you. I can't sleep unless Joshua is sleeping in his bassinet next to me. If he's in another room forget it. I'm overwhelmed so easily. Bringing home a baby/becoming a first time mommy is such a huge change, I need everything else to remain stable. The slightest change makes me all out of sorts. I want my husband near me and to connect with him. Yet I also want to let him sleep knowing he still has work. And I'm lacking sleep either way, so no point of it happening to the two of us. But he's been amazing waking up with me, doing diaper changes, reminding me to rest and sleep. I've got a great man. Seeing pictures of labor and delivery- that's what gets me every time. I really did that? I brought this boy into this world? Me? I still can't seem to believe it.

So now I'm just asking for you all to join me in prayer. I've had a slight fever, a horrible headache and of course postpartum pains. Please pray I don't get sick, for my temperature to stay stable, for God's strength and blessings for us through this. Pray for us as we raise up our boy. Pray for him to become a godly young man and make a great difference in life. Pray for us.

Joshua 1:9 since the moment I found out I was pregnant. We will be strong. We will be courageous. God is with us- wherever we go. Always with us. Thank you Lord for this amazing gift this Christmas!

One more post

After the last post, I felt I needed to add this.

Please don't get the idea that because I want an all natural birth that I won't do what is necessary if there becomes a need. I will. I want that natural birth oh so very bad- to go into labor on my own, labor without meds, have a delivery without intervention. But if either myself or the baby becomes in danger, that all changes and I'll have to do what's best for us, which in the case of an emergency is most likely an emergency delivery.

I say this because the following. I'm scared. I'm scared because of some symptoms. I'm scared because my blood pressure prior to pregnancy and even throughout the first half or so was much lower than it is now 90s/60s or even lower. It's slowly been creeping up and now it's topped that safe 120/80 range. After being up and about it's gone even higher. I'm also having blurry vision. It scares me because it's getting closer and closer towards pointing to pre-eclampsia, and if you don't know what that is it's extremely serious- for both mom and baby.

Anyways, my dr is awesome and I can contact him anytime. I asked him about this and he said not to worry (yes yes I know you all agree not to worry) unless it hits 140/90 after sitting for at least 5 minutes. Ok so that does ease my concerns a bit. But I'm probably still going to worry some. And yes I'm sure that worry is contributing to the high bp. I just feel like I'm on the clock- needing to get this baby out naturally before time ticks down to nothing and there is no further option beyond induction or c-section.

Another reason I don't want an induction or c-section is because J. Induction means even more pain meaning more risk of epidural- I may not be able to get one even if I want one because of scoliosis. Induction also can fail and lead to c-section. End result being if it's an emergency, it will be general anesthesia and J won't be able to be there. He didn't get to experience his daughter's birth. I want him to be there so bad, to be in this with me. He wants to be there. We want to go through this together and share in that experience for the first time together. Please Lord, please let me go into labor naturally- soon- before further talks of induction. Please Lord, bring this baby out in Your time and have our own time wait patiently upon Yours. I trust in You and hand all my worries to You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Please join me in that prayer and for a healthy and safe last part of this pregnancy and birth of our little miracle. Thank you!

Ps. Telling me not to worry personally doesn't at all help me. I'm a first time mom, I'm going to worry. But supporting me by joining me in prayer helps tremendously! 💗💗💗

December baby

Nope, no baby yet! But it looks like our November baby will now be a December baby! 40 weeks came and went and we're still waiting!

At my 40 week appointment, dr said all still looks well. He wants to start talking induction at 41 weeks. I don't. But I do like and trust him so we'll discuss. In the mean time, I'm hoping and praying baby comes sooner... not too soon... not this weekend as there is too much going on... but Monday or later that week would be great.

So the reason I don't want an induction is this. If you know my detailed medical past, you know I don't do well with hospitals, with dr's, with medical interventions and everything in between. My body just does not do well with any of it. What I do do well with? Natural. As natural as can be. I do well with trusting my gut, trusting God and going with it. That's what got me where I'm at today, not dr's, with all due respect- no matter how good they are. I trust all the experiences of the women who carried babies to 42 weeks trusting their own gut and waited. I trust the risks outweigh the benefits when it comes to an induction of a very healthy stable pregnancy still at this point of 40+ weeks. And I trust all the research I've put into this- the classes, learning others experiences, books, scientific research. See there are 2 sides- mainstream medical care and natural. Natural is just as good, or in my opinion better, outside of true emergencies- but mainstream won't tell you that. You have to find that out for yourself. So no, I'm not going into this blindly or naively. My husband can tell you how much time I've put into this. I've even had those in this field say I'm more prepared and knowledgeable than even a second or third time mom. I'm ready for this!

Yes I know, I've never been pregnant, it's a different ballgame. What I do know is my body has loved being pregnant and handled it so very well. I just hope it's not handling it so well it doesn't want to let go of being pregnant and keep me this way forever lol. Joshua's got to come out at some time, one way or another.

See induction means this- intervention with risks. Once those interventions and risks are started it's most likely going to be a spiral filled with them. Contractions are much harder and closer together with an induction. So many end up getting an epidural when they otherwise wouldn't. Then the epidural comes with risks- more so for me being on blood thinners, having MG and scoliosis, and just not responding well to meds in general. And then what sometimes comes after that- a failed induction resulting in a c section- more meds, more risks, more time needing to heal. Along with all that is this- pitocin to start induction means fake oxytocin. Oxytocin is the natural feel good hormone. So all that feel good in the midst of worst pain of my life, won't even be there. Oxytocin also helps bonding with the baby after. Again, I then fear I won't have that bond with the baby which if you've been reading you already know that struggle. I need the oxytocin. I need this to go natural... at least as long as I can deal with.

Yes, I want natural because it's what I've hoped and planned for. I want to prove to myself I can do it. But mostly for all these valid reasons listed above. And one other big thing- I want to fully experience all of pregnancy. This may sound crazy but this is most likely a once in a lifetime opportunity for me- pregnancy, labor and birth. I want to feel the realness of it, the rawness of it, how God originally created it. If I can't handle it, fine, but at least I can say I tried. I want that experience of going into labor naturally, not knowing when it will be, the excitement of going to the hospital, having J hold my hand through it, depending on God's strength for my own until He brings out this baby He created in me. That, that is my motivation for a natural birth.

So please pray, not this weekend, but shortly after Joshua decides he wants to be here- earthside- to meet his mommy and daddy who have patiently, or maybe my not so patiently, been waiting for him! Please pray I can have and tolerate that natural birth! And please pray that all goes well, healthy and stable through labor, delivery and the recovery period of days and weeks to come. What I do need and what helps is prayers, support and encouragement. I already know I shouldn't worry, I already know other's have their own experiences and advice, I already know for the most part what's normal and what's not. But to be honest, the thing that doesn't at all help and what really stresses me out is handing out mainstream medical advice if I don't ask for it and criticism for anything you disagree with. So please if you don't agree with my/our decisions, just pray and leave it at that. If you think I should be doing something differently, just pray and leave it at that. I'm not going to be perfect, but I trust God's got this. Please let Him be the one who speaks to me through this. 💗

Thank you!!