Diagnosed with an incurable disease

I've been diagnosed with an incurable disease.

Several of them actually.

I have to live with these diseases the rest of my life, until it maybe takes my life.


But nothing has changed. I've been struggling through this for almost 5 years now. However, I recently discovered if you refer to chronic illness as incurable disease, people take you more seriously. And that's important, because it's very serious. It's life changing. It's quality of life declining. And sometimes it is life ending. And when you get that in your 20's, you have decades of it to not look forward to. I hate when people say "at least you are young." Really? I'd much rather have gotten sick when I was 80, or at least 60 or 50 even. Geeze, allow me to live my young adulthood at least. But no, instead I'm given multiple conditions, illnesses, incurable diseases, whatever you want to call them, at a young age. Treatment helps but doesn't cure. And treatment thus far on me has barely helped any. I'm one of those "lucky" ones.

I'm thinking I need to change the title of my blog because I'm not chronically cheerful, no one is. I try to be, but if I was positive and smiling 100% of the time I think there would be something even more seriously wrong with me.

I've been having some extremely down days. Part of it is because it's my first Christmas season divorced, realizing he's living his perfect little life now with his perfect healthy family. She replaced me when I wasn't good enough, couldn't do enough and couldn't provide what he wanted. That hurts. No matter how much time passes.

But the bigger thing at the moment is my MG is horrible. Worse than that is my lyme and bartonella are horrible. They are attacking me mentally. It's not something you can snap out of. It is a physical thing physically attacking the brain. It changes you. It makes you think, say and do things you don't want to. You get so angry. Fits of rage. Hatred. Sadness. What is even worse than this? No one seems to believe you or understand it unless they also suffer from it.

I have several incurable diseases. They attack me every second of my life, it never ends, all it does is change. This symptom, then that symptom, physical impairment then mental impairment then both. It's one heck of a horrible ride to be on.

I just want people to realize that even though I look fine, I'm not. I can't handle being accused, argued against or forgotten again. It hurts when people acknowledge me when I am positive but many go into hiding when I'm negative. It hurts when you cry out for help and still feel so alone. I need support, prayers and love more than ever right now. Thank you.

Sorry for such a downer post, but this is my life and I'm not going to edit it to appear to be someone I am not. I'm struggling.