Crash

This morning upon waking up I felt as if I could barely breathe. My lungs felt collapsed. My body felt so weak as if oxygen wasn't reaching it how it needed to. I continued to lay there focusing on nothing else but getting a breath in and getting a breath out. Slowing filling my lungs more and more. Eventually with enough energy I slid over in bed to my nightstand and checked my pulse ox. 94% not good.

Typically when I wake up I go downstairs to eat and get my coffee then come back up and rest some more before I get ready for the day. For some reason last night I placed a mojo bar on my nightstand for the morning... as if I subconsciously knew I would need something prior to having the strength to walk downstairs. I ate it, I drank my water, but none of it was helping as it should. But I had a follow up with my primary doctor I had to go to. I got ready and my mom drove me over. His office is only 5 minutes away- I could drive that. But again, apparently there was a hidden reason that neither my mom nor I thought twice about her driving me.

Upon arrival my blood pressure was taken- 84/60. Not cool. See, I knew something was off. Shortly after the doctor and I started to talk and then I cut him off stating "I feel like I'm going to faint. I'm going to faint... right now." Thank God, somehow, I didn't. They laid me down, gave me water, something with salt in it and a kit kat for sugar. We got my bp up to almost 100/60 and I had enough strength to walk out to the waiting room. There I downed a G2 as my mom went to pull up the car.

5 minute drive home and crash again. My vision cloudy/hazy, serious brain fog, all over body weakness at an extreme level. I'm talking let's wait to go to the bathroom because I don't have enough energy to walk the few steps to get there. Downed a coconut water, drank more water, ate some chips for salt. Laid down flat. Do nothing. Still not working. My mom and I had planned on going to a store prior to any of this happening and she walked in and said  "Well maybe we can go later if you are feeling better." A store? That was no where in my mind now. What's on my mind now? Surviving. Merely surviving, and hopefully without a trip to the ER.

Licorice... let's try licorice. Took my normal chewable tablet, then added another, then ate some actual licorice candies. Yes I try to avoid sugar but not in times like these, you do what you've got to do. Oh my I feel better! My mom walked in again and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head. I don't think she was expecting me to be sitting up typing on the computer. "Licorice" I said "licorice"... it's got to be adrenal. "Well let's not go playing doctor" she replies. "I've diagnosed almost everything else so far." She talked something about that imaginary medical degree I have as she walked out.

My functional medicine doctor does think I have an adrenal problem, which is why I'm on licorice tablets. But insurance won't cover his testing. And no other doctor feels this is any sort of problem. Story of my life... and everyone else's with chronic illness. One thing after the next and no one can figure it out or wants to. Get written off, get misdiagnosed, get tossed aside as we continue to fight every day hidden beneath the body that attacks its own insides. If it's an adrenal problem, I could hit adrenal crisis which is life threatening. That's a little concerning, right?

Next time she popped in, crash. Laying down unable to function again. Ugghh! What. the. heck. Meat- a burger- protein. Well, that perked me up enough to get back on here and type but I'm really weak and can't really do anything besides type. However, I am sooo thankful for the ability to type, so so thankful. Thank you God for arms and hands and fingers that work when nothing else seems to. Thank you God for my eyes strong enough to see what I'm typing. Thank you God for my brain fog subsiding just long enough to get a post out there.

This doesn't at all seem like MG. My eyes are wide open. When I'm MG weak my eyes are nearly closed. When I'm MG weak, the weakness gets worse upon use of whatever muscle, not constant or wavering all over I feel like I'm dying weakness. But it also doesn't seem like POTS. Partially it does- my temperature was 96 at the doctor, that's odd. My heart rate is low- with POTS its typically high but it can go low. My bp obviously was really low. But, normally salt brings me back, or laying flat brings me back. This time- licorice. That's an adrenal thing, I'm telling you.

Anyways I'm getting off topic here. Actually I don't even know what the main topic is. Brain fog. There's something going on, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it's attacking right now, at a very inconvenient time. Isn't that always how it is?

But here's a thought I had suddenly moments ago like a light bulb went off in my head. Every time I think I'm doing better, I quickly decline, as if my body is saying "No! You will not be allowed to live a normal life!" and I say "uggh, fine, body. You win again." But you know what happens every time I decline... even when in the hospital.. as soon as I am at all able? I write. And so that light bulb that went off in my head... it was basically saying that when I'm feeling a bit better, maybe I don't write as much about illness. When I am feeling really weak/bad, I write on my illness, on what's happening to me. So I thought, could the purpose of this be to get the word out there? To keep me writing? To help others?

Furthermore, the thought hit me- could this all be happening to show that no matter how many times I get knocked down I keep getting back up? To show how powerful God is, that in my own strength there is no way that I could get through this, but with Him I can do ALL things?? I thought if only I help a single person though this, it's worth it. If only one person has been led to Christ, it is absolutely completely worth every single thing I've gone through. So if this is my reminder to write, I heard it loud and clear. I will keep writing and I will keep writing about MG and POTS and any other health problem that comes my way. But of course I hope and pray that those health problems go away. I promise I will keep writing anyways. I promise to strive to live whatever God's will is for me, with or without illness.

So, please, if you will, join me in praying that all illness is cast out of my body in the name of Jesus! Be gone sickness, pain, suffering, worry, weakness. Lord, fill me with Your presence, let it be Your strength that gets me through this. In Jesus' name. Amen!

Thank you all. And, most of all, thank you God!