I do have some news though. I recently completed a 14 day stretch of having somewhere to be every other day. That is pretty huge honestly. It would have been 18 days but my body declined and I needed break towards the beginning. Either way, I made it!!
What does this lead me to talk about? I have so much to talk about but I have to pick a topic and go with it. You know, I very frequently in my head come up with an entire blog post. In my brain I rattle off this and that and it sounds SO good. Usually this is right as I'm falling asleep or right as I'm waking up and by the time I get to my computer to type it out, BRAIN FOG! Perfect timing, brain, perfect timing.
Anyways, I keep coming back to this topic. You know how sometimes things in life keep repeating themselves until you figure it out, until you solve it, until you fix the mistake, until you overcome it. That's kind of how I feel about this, but rather that I get my point across to those who do not have MG or POTS.
It's wearing on me how I always hear either directly or indirectly "are you better?" Chronic. Not acute. Chronic. Ongoing. Lasting. Long time. Forever. Doesn't go away. Chronic. I do understand most people mean well and are only saying that hoping that I am. But look at it this way. Do people come up to you and say "did you get a disease yet??" No. That's weird. The other deceiving thing is my oh so good looks HAHA just kidding. But really, if I haven't seen someone in a while they see me and immediately are extremely shocked by how "good" I look, how "healthy" I look. Guess what. This ties into the beginning of my post. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Something can look horrible on the outside and be good on the inside, or look good on the outside and be horrible on the inside. Deceit. I thank God that I do look "good" and not "sickly" but my insides do not match my outsides.
Ok now that we got that out of the way. Unless I go into remission or medication starts working for me, I'm not going to "get better." I have good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments. That is what these illnesses do. They do not gradually improve over time. If I do improve it will most likely happen almost instantly. It will most likely be I wake up and I'm in remission, or we figure out a medication I can tolerate and it makes my symptoms lessen. And guess what, if that happens, you all will most definitely know it. And then I'll go for a run to celebrate.
Until then, it progresses, unfortunately. So where I am now physically is worse than I was before surgery. When I first got sick it was pretty slight with the symptoms compared to this. I was still able to occasionally on a "good" day go for a walk or play basketball or tennis for a short while. I was able to clean the whole house, cook/bake, drive myself. Well it's progressed to a point that most of that has been taken away from me. Before surgery I was at a pretty bad point physically but not as bad as now. Yet I say it with a smile on my face. That's one thing I do like. When people empathize with me in all that I'm going through but add in "but look at you, you have a smile on your face still." That makes me feel good. Thank you.
Gosh this post is already a mish mosh.
New topic. Love life. I mean come on now. Really love it. Love the life YOU are given. Love the life you are making. You are creating. "Love the life you live until you live the life you love." A very special someone once said that to me. Who knew, years later I'd be the one declaring it to all of you. People run through life like it's a race. It's not. And if it is, I'd like to be the last to finish. So many pass all that is by. Most don't notice beauty any more. True beauty from within. Most don't notice the miracle of life. Most don't notice the value in people and not things. Most don't notice how being so connected is making us disconnected. Most don't notice the hurt we cause and the hurt we tolerate. Most don't notice the EXTREME lack of love. It all comes back to love. "Love makes the world go round." I believe it.
"Can't we all just get along?!?!"
That is all. Thanks for reading. Now go out there and show that love I know you've got in you!
No comments:
Post a Comment