Thankful

Well I finally got my computer and so far so good! So now I can get on here and post just in time before being admitted 1 week from today (if the plan is successful this time of course). Real quick to give an update- there really is no update- everything is still supposed to happen as it was last time I posted about it... admission March 25th for surgery to put in central line, plasmapheresis treatments every other day for approximately 2 weeks, robotic surgery/thymectomy scheduled for April 9th.... all at [name removed].

So today I wanted to write about my past. There's a reason for this. First, you all would probably get bored if I only write about how my day goes and how my body feels. Second, I'm trying to stay positive and though I've been doing well and it shows in person and on my facebook posts, I noticed it doesn't quite show on my blog posts. So here we go.

When you get diagnosed with a chronic/lifelong illness, one that changes your life upside down, you have two ways of going about it. You can be depressed and sulk in your own misery longing for pity, or you can be happy and feel blessed for what you had before, what you have now and what you'll have to look forward to. I'm not saying it'll be one or the other, it will most definitely be some of both and some you can't completely control BUT overall, your attitude on it will eventually fall on one side or the other. I choose the latter and I want to inspire others to do the same.

Looking back on my life it would be REALLY easy for me to be depressed that I can no longer do much of that. Instead, let's take the other approach. I did a lot, I mean I really did a lot when you dissect it. And that makes me so very happy because I had the opportunity to live, I had the opportunity to do so much in such little time, and most of all, looking back I have no regrets. I choose not to have regrets, because really there is no point. You can learn from your past but you can't change it, so don't regret it.

Starting way back when, I have my parents to thank for getting me involved from the very start, for allowing me to receive life's offerings from so many different angles. Throughout my life I've experienced so many active things that I can't do at the moment but have the memories to hold forever. I did dance, gymnastics, softball, basketball, cheerleading, cross country, track, soccer... of course I was never really good at any of them but that's besides the point, I enjoyed it! The one thing I was really good at but didn't quite enjoy was golf, but hey I can say that I tried it. I loved to rollerblade and ride my bike, I went horseback riding, I scuba dove in a pool, I tried tubing and road a jet ski. I even had the opportunity to surf! And then fairly recently I had started playing tennis for fun, tried out zumba and jazzercize. I'm probably missing some stuff, but gosh I really did a lot in regards to being active.

I've been a lot of places also. I am blessed to have visited both countries of my nationalities. Germany was my absolute favorite, what an amazing trip that was. I went with other classmates over spring break for business credits when most of my friends went to the beaches. I'd choose that trip over the beach any day. Then my family went to Italy and explored much of the country. I discovered I'm much more German than I am Italian (sorry mom). haha. I've also been to Mexico and technically France for a plane transfer. Thanks to my parents I've also been to Hawaii and many other states. And then there have been the road trips with my husband together visiting or passing through 27 states. In addition I've been to a few more on previous business trips. My goal is to see every state during my lifetime... I think I have about 10-15 left, mainly the NE but the hard one will be Alaska and I'm going to try and make it happen. And if my time comes before I make it to every state, I ask that someone finish it out in my honor. The point is, I've traveled and I've traveled a lot while able and what a joy it was.

I am blessed that this illness hit me after completing much of what I wanted to complete in life. I was able to get through school completely healthy for the most part. I didn't ease in, I jumped in and made it my own. I experienced what the saying says "You get out what you put in." In college I was President of 2 organizations, VP of Event Planning for another... I double majored with a double concentration, I completed an internship and an independent study, and I still had fun probably too much fun sometimes, yet still graduated with honors. After college I got my entry level dream job traveling the country planning and executing events. One of my favorite moments was when one of the higher ups couldn't make it and at the very last minute I was able to host. You should have seen my coworkers. They were shocked that quiet little me jumped at the opportunity and stood before these executives speaking at the podium. It was awesome!

And then I got married and we moved 19 hours away. The struggles are irrelevant to my post today because my focus is a positive one. We did it! We lived away from everything and everyone we knew and built a life on our own. I bought a car. I learned to cook. I gained more knowledge of the medical industry than I ever thought I'd know. I made friends, went to groups and meetings completely on my own not knowing anyone. And of course what it all comes back to is that I came to know God and because of Him I am able to look at all of this in a positive light.

I could go on and on, but my point is, I lived! I experienced so much! I was blessed to fit so much into such little time in case, and I do say in case, I may not be able to do it in the future. And even if I can, I want the focus of my future to be on giving to others- thus I am happy to have already received so much in life. I still don't know what my calling or purpose is, but I know I want to help others. When I get through this surgery and recovery and go into remission (hey there positive thinking) I will still be listening to what it is God wants me to do in life and I will do it. So in a very minor way I will start today, by encouraging you all to do some soul searching. Take some time away from the craziness around you, go into a peaceful place, and just be thankful. Be thankful for all that you've done and all that you've received. Be thankful for the people who surround you and encourage you. Be thankful for the positive aspects you can pull from the hard times. Be thankful for life, for love, for you. I could go on and on about turning your focus from the bad to the good but I'll leave that for another day. For now, no matter how hard life seems, no matter how angry you are with someone or something, no matter how unfair it is, no matter anything- be thankful. And on that I'll end with saying thank you- to all of you who are a part of my life in any and every way.