Some people prefer natural; some prefer pharmaceutical, and all for their own reason, and that's fine. But based on my experience and research I strongly prefer natural, God-made medicine from nature, not machines and chemicals. My drs back in Chicago fully supported me in that, even encouraged it. I loved having those drs in my life. They are part of the reason I'm where I'm at physically today. Doing things the natural way, taking herbs and supplements has been what has kept me stable for the past years including this first trimester of pregnancy. And it was my plan to continue down that road the entire way.
These drs all started out saying they will advise what they feel is best but it will be up to me to decide. Well what they failed to mention up front is if I choose to even question their advice/consider a different route aka natural, they will drop me as a patient. And yesterday that's what happened. So now I am left without a dr and I have no idea at all what to do. I am not hearing God anywhere in this. I'm lost, confused alone and so sad in what should be one of the most joyful times, especially considering physically all is going so much better than expected.
The problem is this. I have a minor blood clot disorder. The drs disagreed with each other whether or not I should be on blood thinner shots. Weighing the risks and benefits, I agreed with the dr who said I don't have to be on them. I chose to continue my natural supplements that also reduce blood clot risk. Well apparently behind my back they all had a discussion and the dr who was on board with me suddenly changed their story to no I have to be on blood thinner shots- to the point of pressuring me tremendously. How can you trust a dr who goes from one end of the spectrum to another?
Anyways, I would consider the shots as I know it can help prevent clots which are serious. But here are the 2 major issues. 1 is it is $250 a month for these shots! Um hello, my husband is a pastor for a very small church and I haven't been able to work a full time job. We are doing incredibly well given that situation but it's because we watch what we spend. Doing that on top of medical bills and trying to save for baby- I don't know how that can be justified when I have a cheaper option of natural.
2 is this- if I were to take the shots, I can no longer take half of my herbs/supplements. That means in order to protect myself and the baby from lyme disease I need to be on antibiotics the entire pregnancy- that is just setting the baby up to have a horrible immune system, plus adding even more to that cost. And 3, it would be switching up my entire protocol that has worked so very well for me and kept me stable. I've tried the pharmaceutical route numerous times and it's failed me, why do I have to be forced into doing it again?
Both pharmaceutical and natural have their benefits and risks. My job is to research them, discuss them, weigh them and make the choice best suited for me and baby as individuals. So what do I do? I had a plan and that plan caused me to lose my dr. Now I'm without a dr and questioning my plan. And not hearing God in any of this.
Do I find another dr and risk this happening all over again? Do I just listen to the dr and risk messing up the stability of my health? Do I find a midwife and deliver at home yet risk a serious emergency situation upon delivery (MG requires I'm in a hospital as crisis can hit time of labor and delivery). There is only 1 midwife covered on my insurance who delivers at a hospital... and that's if she even still does so and is at all decent, I have no idea. I'll have to call her and find out but I haven't yet since I really don't know what to do and what the best option is. (Update- the number is disconnected and no one knows anything about her- thus midwife at a hospital is not an option). I shouldn't have to be faced with this decision. Drs should work with the patient on what is individually best for them- natural, pharmaceutical or something else!
Please pray I'm led to the best decision for myself and baby. Pray for wisdom for my husband and I in this. Pray for a dr, midwife or otherwise who is available, able and willing to give the best possible care for my unique situation. Pray for this baby and his or her health regardless of which option. Pray for peace, comfort and to somehow be surrounded by support even though all my family, close friends and best drs live no where near here. Lord lead me.
And as I know this can be a touchy topic, please please don't start a debate of natural vs. pharmaceutical. I could really use support and prayers right now, not hearing people argue about this. Thank you.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Mothers Day 2017
Happy Mother's Day!
I say that in knowing there is pain in those words for so many. I say that in having been there. Some have hoped for so long to be a mom, some have had the pain of being a mom for too short of a time, some have lost their own mom. Whatever your story, know that you are not alone. God is there, there are people who care and can relate, and there is hope amidst the pain.
I became a stepmom about a year ago. I'm thankful for having a child in my life. However, no disrespect to moms, stepmoms, any other type of mom or children to any of the above, but I've very quickly learned over the past year that IF that child's biological mom is active in their life, being a stepmom is not at all the same as being a mom (given everyone's situation is different, so again no disrespect). Being a stepmom gives you no legal rights to that child whatsoever. The child has loyalty ties to the mom who delivered and/or raised them the first part of their life. You are more like an aunt, or more so, the wife of their daddy who does things for them. It's a tough job to take on the tasks of a mom but not have that title or loyalty and unconditional love from the child. It can make the desire to have your own child even stronger. But then for me, there are the health issues, and the unknown if I ever could even conceive, carry and deliver a child. And hearing your stepchild constantly call out daddy, but never mommy in your house, is a constant reminder of a pain that lies deep.
But there is always hope... hope that your relationship with the stepchild can grow into such a strong and amazing one. Hope that you bring light to their life, or maybe even they bring light to yours. Hope that a baby or child in some way is still in your future. Hope in Him because He knows our future even when we don't. And today I want to share my own story of hope.
First, we got a dog. Let me tell you, even if you hold that dog like a baby and talk to him/her like a baby (which my husband will admit I do way too often), that dog still isn't a baby lol. So realization number 1- as much as you love dogs, it's never going to fill your desire for a child. Now that that's out of the way...
What most people don't know is that J and I had been praying about and considering fostering and/or adoption pretty much since day 1. Not knowing if I could ever have kids, we wanted to consider all options. But you have to have been married for a year So as we approached one year, we looked into this while we continued to pray about it. Turns out none of the parenting classes, which you have to take first, worked with our schedule. So we've been waiting for the next round of schedules to come out.
All the while, God had other plans. There are many Sundays I wake up unsure if I'll make it to church because I'm too weak or not feeling good. One Sunday in March was no different... but fast forward, I made it church. After the service, J had to drive someone home so I asked if he could stop back to get me after I look for a book in his office. He walked into his office, I walked up and took his hands, looked at him and said... I'm pregnant!
Our God is a God of miracles and this was certainly one of them. So going back to that morning, I woke up with a feeling I need to take a test. I looked at the result of that faint line and my mouth dropped, literally dropped open. I think I literally said out loud "Are you serious?!" I still wasn't feeling good but the thought that went through my head was "There's no way I can miss church the day I find out I'm pregnant!" lol So I got ready and went. Then had to act all normal next to J for an hour. At the same time, I was cautiously optimistic. Could it be a false positive? Would this last? Could my body even do this? The next day I took another test and it was positive again. I called the dr for an appointment and an ultrasound was scheduled. I really am pregnant, we're having a baby!
We talked about how to announce this. I don't think it's quite the same for us as it would be for someone who was completely healthy. We all know this is a concern and a risk. While I would love for people to just jump for joy for and with us, I know what's going to immediately go through most people's minds is the concern of it all, should we have even tried, is it worth it? And let me tell you, it is worth it. Even already, it is. So we felt what's best is to give all the details up front so maybe people's minds can be eased and rather than initially worrying, can just join us in rejoicing for this gift of life. And if anything bad does happen, I want that support and others to know what we're going through, not to have to hide it. So here it is.
Being high risk, I've already had 3 appointments and 3 ultrasounds and everything has been better than expected. We have been able to hear the baby's heartbeat and see those little arms and legs move! You see, when you get pregnant, your immune system weakens so not to fight off the baby as something foreign. Well, with MG being an autoimmune disease (your body fights your body), being pregnant can actually put MG into remission. I'm not quite in remission but I'm actually doing pretty well in regards to MG. As for Lyme Disease, it can go either way- pregnancy can make you much worse or it can possibly make you better. I think I'm again doing a little better. So that is all very positive!
The concerns are my blood pressure and blood sugar have been dropping so I need to rest just as much, keep my legs up a whole lot so the blood doesn't pool and make me faint, and eat small frequent meals. And more concerning is my blood clot disorder. It makes me 5 times more likely to have a blood clot. Pregnancy apparently makes you 20 times more likely. Put those 2 together and it's not the greatest. Then because my immune system is weaker I have to be even more careful about not being around anyone sick- hard to do. Lastly, stress. A blended family situation can be very stressful with multiple parties involved and all having different opinions and desires. I'm supposed to avoid stress, but more so now because it's harmful for the baby. That's the hardest part.
And most concerning at the moment is just in these past few days I've been having pain... Baby still looks good but I have some signs of appendicitis. However, they were unable to see my appendix in an ultrasound. So they can't rule it out. But doing a CT could be harmful to the baby. Hoping and praying whatever the pain is passes without any needed intervention.
As for the baby once born, he or she can be born with temporary MG in which case would need urgent treatment. But it is only a possibility, not a definite, and it would most likely go away in a short time. Lyme Disease has a big risk of being passed on, but my being on treatment while pregnant greatly lessens that risk. So we are hopeful and remaining hopeful in all of this.
No one, healthy or not, is guaranteed their pregnancy will go well and that the baby will be healthy. So yes I am hopeful, but I'm not taking a second of this for granted. I have this miracle of life inside me and nothing can describe that. Through the nausea, dizziness and everything else that hits me, I am thankful. I'm thankful for another day of symptoms because it's a constant reminder of this precious gift. I'm thankful for every single day I get to experience being pregnant. I'm thankful that this mother's day, regardless of what is to come, I can say, I'm a mom. Life begins at conception and agree or not, this baby has made me a mom. As long or as short as this time may last, I am thankful and I praise God through this.
Never give up hope in Him. He knows our future even when we don't. Times may be tough, trials will be had, but we are promised that life eternal, when we trust in Him, will be worth it. And sometimes we can even catch a glimpse of that joy in our life here on earth.
Baby is due November 2017. Please join us in praying for our little miracle of life, and for my body to be strengthened through Him to carry this baby to full term with a healthy and safe pregnancy, labor, delivery and outcome. But for whatever His will, that we trust in it and fully accept it. In Jesus name, Amen!
'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; Jeremiah 1:5a
I say that in knowing there is pain in those words for so many. I say that in having been there. Some have hoped for so long to be a mom, some have had the pain of being a mom for too short of a time, some have lost their own mom. Whatever your story, know that you are not alone. God is there, there are people who care and can relate, and there is hope amidst the pain.
I became a stepmom about a year ago. I'm thankful for having a child in my life. However, no disrespect to moms, stepmoms, any other type of mom or children to any of the above, but I've very quickly learned over the past year that IF that child's biological mom is active in their life, being a stepmom is not at all the same as being a mom (given everyone's situation is different, so again no disrespect). Being a stepmom gives you no legal rights to that child whatsoever. The child has loyalty ties to the mom who delivered and/or raised them the first part of their life. You are more like an aunt, or more so, the wife of their daddy who does things for them. It's a tough job to take on the tasks of a mom but not have that title or loyalty and unconditional love from the child. It can make the desire to have your own child even stronger. But then for me, there are the health issues, and the unknown if I ever could even conceive, carry and deliver a child. And hearing your stepchild constantly call out daddy, but never mommy in your house, is a constant reminder of a pain that lies deep.
But there is always hope... hope that your relationship with the stepchild can grow into such a strong and amazing one. Hope that you bring light to their life, or maybe even they bring light to yours. Hope that a baby or child in some way is still in your future. Hope in Him because He knows our future even when we don't. And today I want to share my own story of hope.
First, we got a dog. Let me tell you, even if you hold that dog like a baby and talk to him/her like a baby (which my husband will admit I do way too often), that dog still isn't a baby lol. So realization number 1- as much as you love dogs, it's never going to fill your desire for a child. Now that that's out of the way...
What most people don't know is that J and I had been praying about and considering fostering and/or adoption pretty much since day 1. Not knowing if I could ever have kids, we wanted to consider all options. But you have to have been married for a year So as we approached one year, we looked into this while we continued to pray about it. Turns out none of the parenting classes, which you have to take first, worked with our schedule. So we've been waiting for the next round of schedules to come out.
All the while, God had other plans. There are many Sundays I wake up unsure if I'll make it to church because I'm too weak or not feeling good. One Sunday in March was no different... but fast forward, I made it church. After the service, J had to drive someone home so I asked if he could stop back to get me after I look for a book in his office. He walked into his office, I walked up and took his hands, looked at him and said... I'm pregnant!
Our God is a God of miracles and this was certainly one of them. So going back to that morning, I woke up with a feeling I need to take a test. I looked at the result of that faint line and my mouth dropped, literally dropped open. I think I literally said out loud "Are you serious?!" I still wasn't feeling good but the thought that went through my head was "There's no way I can miss church the day I find out I'm pregnant!" lol So I got ready and went. Then had to act all normal next to J for an hour. At the same time, I was cautiously optimistic. Could it be a false positive? Would this last? Could my body even do this? The next day I took another test and it was positive again. I called the dr for an appointment and an ultrasound was scheduled. I really am pregnant, we're having a baby!
We talked about how to announce this. I don't think it's quite the same for us as it would be for someone who was completely healthy. We all know this is a concern and a risk. While I would love for people to just jump for joy for and with us, I know what's going to immediately go through most people's minds is the concern of it all, should we have even tried, is it worth it? And let me tell you, it is worth it. Even already, it is. So we felt what's best is to give all the details up front so maybe people's minds can be eased and rather than initially worrying, can just join us in rejoicing for this gift of life. And if anything bad does happen, I want that support and others to know what we're going through, not to have to hide it. So here it is.
Being high risk, I've already had 3 appointments and 3 ultrasounds and everything has been better than expected. We have been able to hear the baby's heartbeat and see those little arms and legs move! You see, when you get pregnant, your immune system weakens so not to fight off the baby as something foreign. Well, with MG being an autoimmune disease (your body fights your body), being pregnant can actually put MG into remission. I'm not quite in remission but I'm actually doing pretty well in regards to MG. As for Lyme Disease, it can go either way- pregnancy can make you much worse or it can possibly make you better. I think I'm again doing a little better. So that is all very positive!
The concerns are my blood pressure and blood sugar have been dropping so I need to rest just as much, keep my legs up a whole lot so the blood doesn't pool and make me faint, and eat small frequent meals. And more concerning is my blood clot disorder. It makes me 5 times more likely to have a blood clot. Pregnancy apparently makes you 20 times more likely. Put those 2 together and it's not the greatest. Then because my immune system is weaker I have to be even more careful about not being around anyone sick- hard to do. Lastly, stress. A blended family situation can be very stressful with multiple parties involved and all having different opinions and desires. I'm supposed to avoid stress, but more so now because it's harmful for the baby. That's the hardest part.
And most concerning at the moment is just in these past few days I've been having pain... Baby still looks good but I have some signs of appendicitis. However, they were unable to see my appendix in an ultrasound. So they can't rule it out. But doing a CT could be harmful to the baby. Hoping and praying whatever the pain is passes without any needed intervention.
As for the baby once born, he or she can be born with temporary MG in which case would need urgent treatment. But it is only a possibility, not a definite, and it would most likely go away in a short time. Lyme Disease has a big risk of being passed on, but my being on treatment while pregnant greatly lessens that risk. So we are hopeful and remaining hopeful in all of this.
No one, healthy or not, is guaranteed their pregnancy will go well and that the baby will be healthy. So yes I am hopeful, but I'm not taking a second of this for granted. I have this miracle of life inside me and nothing can describe that. Through the nausea, dizziness and everything else that hits me, I am thankful. I'm thankful for another day of symptoms because it's a constant reminder of this precious gift. I'm thankful for every single day I get to experience being pregnant. I'm thankful that this mother's day, regardless of what is to come, I can say, I'm a mom. Life begins at conception and agree or not, this baby has made me a mom. As long or as short as this time may last, I am thankful and I praise God through this.
Never give up hope in Him. He knows our future even when we don't. Times may be tough, trials will be had, but we are promised that life eternal, when we trust in Him, will be worth it. And sometimes we can even catch a glimpse of that joy in our life here on earth.
Baby is due November 2017. Please join us in praying for our little miracle of life, and for my body to be strengthened through Him to carry this baby to full term with a healthy and safe pregnancy, labor, delivery and outcome. But for whatever His will, that we trust in it and fully accept it. In Jesus name, Amen!
'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; Jeremiah 1:5a
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