Hello there! Wow it's been a while, a long while since I've last written... probably close to 2 months. It is so good to feel these keys under my fingers again as I type... like a kid in a candy store or a driver back behind the wheel. No matter who disagrees, behind a keyboard is where I belong. I was meant to write!
I know many people were commenting that I wasn't writing and asking why, so if you were one of them here is the reason.
I've been spending the winter elsewhere. When I left, I thought, hey there is no need to bring my laptop; I've got a tablet now and access to a computer if needed. Well it turns out, I'm not much of a tablet person. Yes it's great to check the weather and catch up on a show, but for typing, not so much. And that access to a computer hasn't been as accessible as I thought it would. I had to go back to town for some doctor appointments and I decided I could no longer do without my "baby" aka laptop lol, so I brought it with and I'm back! My laptop to me is like a cell phone to most people. Try giving up your cell phone for 2 months and see how tough it is!
So to get to the point most people who read this are probably waiting for, a health update. Well, it's still been a roller coaster. Being away caused me to go off my diet way too many times, and my body can extremely feel the difference. My doctor said I need to be strict, no cheats at all- none. How difficult that is, I really can't eat out at all. I'm still on my herbal treatment and it goes ok as long as I eat how I'm supposed to- organic non gmo turkey, chicken, beef, most veggies, a small amount of specific fruits, and lots of healthy fats (coconut milk, coconut oil, etc). No grains (even gluten free ones), nuts, beans, dairy, corn, soy, no to some veggies/fruits, sugar, anything processed... seriously it's crazy. But... I made it 3 whole months with no cheating! 90 days 100% gluten, dairy, sugar free. It was awesome to accomplish that!
In addition, I've been pushing myself beyond my max and it's not serving me or anyone else well. I need my rest, my alone time, my quiet space more than most people. Without it I've found, I'm quite a mess. So I decided I really need to take that me-time, and as urged by many, get back to writing- my one escape since I can no longer run or be active how I used to. I'll start back by explaining something that became clear to me as I was trying to explain my invisible health issues to someone.
You can see me here resting. I look completely normal, I look healthy in fact, besides this lovely neck brace to support my weak neck. Although right now I'm completely drained, my muscles are screaming and spasming and struggling to function, and my adrenals are so shot just walking to the kitchen makes me need to rest again, there is more. All that aside, if I was having a "good" day and still "just" sitting here resting, there is a reason.
That reason is with the chronic health conditions I have, especially Myasthenia Gravis and Lyme Disease, I need energy and strength in my reserve. In order to "fuel up," I need to rest, and rest a lot. Resting allows my body to replenish itself with enough energy and strength to go again... to go to the store, to church, to lunch, just wash dishes or clean part of the house. I cannot do any of that without these rest periods. So even if I look, and even if I feel fine at the moment, I still need to rest to replenish/refuel myself. Without doing so I'm constantly running on empty or half tank quickly making its way to empty. I won't get very far, I may crash/need a trip to the hospital, or just be so drained I'm affected mentally and emotionally and then I probably won't be a very fun person to be around.
When you see pictures or see me out, please know that it's because I did just as I said above. It's a "pay to play" concept. I can't just bounce up and go. I need to actually plan for pretty much every single thing I do... plan to have that energy and strength in my reserve to use for those moments as little as they may be... and "pay" for it both before and after by resting. And if I'm hit with a lot of stress, heat/sun, certain fumes/allergens/medications/foods or doing too much at home, that reserve will be drained and I'll be back at square one having to build it up again. This is a constant ongoing process. This is how I function in life. It's how I have to function.
So when you see me looking fine but at home, don't assume I'm lazy or antisocial. Please understand I probably have somewhere I need to be in a day or two, and this is what I need to do to make it there. When you see me out having a good time, don't assume I'm actually fine. I had to give up something else, or a lot of somethings, in order to spend my time resting to do this one thing, and then I have to go home and rest some more. Please don't judge by a small moment in time you see, but realize there is so much more to the big picture.
I really need to rest, and my guess is having my laptop back at my finger tips will help me do just that as I get back to writing again... well, until my arms give out :)
God bless and thanks for checking in.
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