***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: July 14, 2013
Judgement
Why is it that no matter what I say or how I say it, there are always people who twist my words like it's their job? Who go searching to pull out anything negative they can find in it. Who then take it and gossip to others about it. When all along what they are saying is not at all what I intended for it to mean. You can only try so much. You can't control another human being. And at the end, the only judgement that matters is that of God.
Does that mean we should not show any judgement? I would be wrong in stating what I just stated above if so since it appears to be of judgement. We should let people do whatever the heck they want? I don't believe so.
The Bible warns us to beware of evildoers. How are we to discern that? We need to know what the Bible states, how God wants us to live, and we need to strive to live in that way and stay away from evil.
We are to know the truth, live the truth and bring others to the truth. It is our responsibility as Christians to look out for and fellowship with other Christians. It is our responsibility to help them stay focused on God and that includes bringing sin to attention with a biblical resolution. We are not to judge with harsh criticism or self gain but with love and respect for one another, to help one another.
So are we or aren't we to judge is a difficult question to answer for it is both a yes and a no. Instead of a one word answer, our focus should be on if we are living how God wants us to live, in harmony with Him and with what the Bible says. And if that is what we are striving to do then the Christian life we are living. If not, well God will be the judge.
Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.
2 Timothy 4:2
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21
Monday, November 30, 2015
Originally Posted: God Encounters
***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: July 10, 2013
God Encounters
Just wanted to share a few "God encounters" lately.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: July 10, 2013
God Encounters
Just wanted to share a few "God encounters" lately.
The first one I'll start with is a little while back. Every morning I go downstairs, eat breakfast, get my coffee... sometimes I walk into the living/dining room for various reasons. That morning I went to turn the temperature up. I heard that voice tell me go look out the window. (There is a big window in the living room/front room). So I walked over there and looked up. The exact spot I looked up there was a cross in the sky. You know some planes leave those white lines in the sky on a clear day well it looked like that is what it was- but two of them in the form of a cross. You could say coincidence but I don't believe in coincidence I believe in God and He was telling me He is watching over me.
The second one was a few days back. I was sitting outside reading. I looked up and saw a white butterfly flying along the bottom of the fence. The entire length of the fence it stayed at the very bottom. When it neared the end where it would be out of my sight I said to myself "God if it's going to work out (God knows what I'm referring to) have the butterfly fly above the fence." I don't even know why I said such a thing and seeing as it was at the bottom the whole time and clearly making its way from one side to the other soon to be out of sight there was no reason I should believe that it would happen. But just as it passed out of sight it flew right back, flew up past the top of the fence, and then flew away and I didn't see it again. Thank you God!
The third one was just a couple days ago. Again I was sitting outside reading, same chair, same spot. I looked up to the sky filled with dark clouds and said to myself "God are you there?" I was hoping for one of those "looks like Jesus" clouds or something I guess. But instead at that moment it seemed like fast motion the dark clouds quickly passed and there showed the moon. I thought to myself, hmm I don't know if that means anything, and as I did more dark clouds were coming but instead of covering up the moon like it would look as they should they parted and made this path that I was always able to see the moon through. There was no way this was anything other than a God thing. But it gets better. I then continued reading and shortly after felt the voice telling me ok it's time to go in but before you do, look up. Heat makes my MG worse so it made sense to listen to go in but I didn't know about the look up part. But of course I listened. I closed my book, stood up and looked up... and just as I did the dark cloud opened up again and the moon showed through and at that same moment a voice inside said "Even when you can't see me, I'm still here." God, you are amazing!
And now the last one, for now. This has been happening more and more often but most recently happened yesterday. Sometimes when I'm sitting in the car as a passenger, I'll ask God if it's going to work, or to show me it's going to work, or to show me what the future holds etc. And then I'm told to look at the license plate of a specific car and it will start with an "H" and then I'm told to look at the license plate of a different specific car and it will start with an "L". If you don't know, those are my current initials. But it doesn't stop there... for the next couple minutes I will see more H's and L's then ever before. It is crazy. Just crazy. I'm not on the search for only those letters, I'm told to look at specific cars and that's when I see the letters. Crazy. I don't know exactly what it means but I do know that God is definitely with me.
God is ALWAYS with us. Sometimes we just have to close our eyes to see, turn everything off to hear, and open our hearts to receive His presents... I spelled that wrong for a reason. God's love is a gift. Cherish it. Thank you Jesus!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Originally Posted: Repentance
***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 26, 2013
Repentance
Repentance. What does this mean? We're all told to repent and be forgiven, but do we understand what we must do? In the Christian definition, it is to turn away from sin.
To repent you should first recognize that which you did wrong and admit it, own up to it. More so, you should self reflect on how this hurt another including God, how it made them feel by the action you did wrong. You should truly feel sorrow and regret for that which you are sorry for. Otherwise saying sorry is simply put, a lie.You should apologize to the other and to God, and ask for forgiveness. But it's not just saying sorry, it's having actions to defend your words. That involves a pivot 180 degree turn and walking in the opposite direction, no longer doing that which is wrong but doing that which is right. You are making a deliberate choice to say no to evil, no to the devil, no to the sin, and yes to Jesus- the way, the truth, the life.
In doing that you are on your way to accepting Jesus if you haven't already. You are admitting that in being human and imperfect, you are a sinner. You are admitting the sins you have committed and asking for forgiveness for them. You are choosing then to walk in the way of Jesus. In that you then must commit to Him, believe in Him, and invite Him into your life.
This doesn't mean, hey God make my life better now I believe in you. Think about it- put into a form we can understand, if we have 10 people interviewing for a job and 9 of them who showed they worked hard and were good employees and then 1 who just showed up for the pay check, would we even consider that 1? Probably not. Sadly, I think the world today is more like 9 who do nothing and 1 who does something, and even that something is probably far less than it could be. If you want God in your life- you should absolutely show Him you mean it, that you are serious about following Him and living for Him. Read your Bible, if you don't have one go get one. There are actually plenty you can request online for free so money can be of no excuse. Pray. Praying can be as simple as having a conversation with God like you do with a friend. Surround yourself with believers and join a church and church groups to educate yourself on Jesus and what it means to be a Christian.
Note these good works will not save us. But after salvation- by grace through faith, we should want to do these things, we should be transformed as long as we keep ourselves focused on Him.
So next time you say you're sorry, do you really mean it? Did you do all of that which is involved for repentance? Furthermore, what is floating out there in your life that you have yet to repent? Why not make today the day that you settle that matter? Why not make today the day you welcome Jesus into your life if you haven't already? It's not too late no matter how far off track you strayed. It's not too late no matter how much you did wrong. God would LOVE for you to own up to those sins and turn your life over to Him to a life of love and joy.
Sin is of the devil and the devil is full of lies. What appears enticing is nothing more than a trap to get you far off down the wrong path. What seems easy will only be much harder in the long run. What may bring a moment of joy is nothing more than false fulfillment that ends in regret. True joy only comes from Jesus. Don't let the devil win. Jesus is the way, the TRUTH, the life. And the truth will set you free.
The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. 1 John 3:8
From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” Matthew 4:17
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 26, 2013
Repentance
Repentance. What does this mean? We're all told to repent and be forgiven, but do we understand what we must do? In the Christian definition, it is to turn away from sin.
To repent you should first recognize that which you did wrong and admit it, own up to it. More so, you should self reflect on how this hurt another including God, how it made them feel by the action you did wrong. You should truly feel sorrow and regret for that which you are sorry for. Otherwise saying sorry is simply put, a lie.You should apologize to the other and to God, and ask for forgiveness. But it's not just saying sorry, it's having actions to defend your words. That involves a pivot 180 degree turn and walking in the opposite direction, no longer doing that which is wrong but doing that which is right. You are making a deliberate choice to say no to evil, no to the devil, no to the sin, and yes to Jesus- the way, the truth, the life.
In doing that you are on your way to accepting Jesus if you haven't already. You are admitting that in being human and imperfect, you are a sinner. You are admitting the sins you have committed and asking for forgiveness for them. You are choosing then to walk in the way of Jesus. In that you then must commit to Him, believe in Him, and invite Him into your life.
This doesn't mean, hey God make my life better now I believe in you. Think about it- put into a form we can understand, if we have 10 people interviewing for a job and 9 of them who showed they worked hard and were good employees and then 1 who just showed up for the pay check, would we even consider that 1? Probably not. Sadly, I think the world today is more like 9 who do nothing and 1 who does something, and even that something is probably far less than it could be. If you want God in your life- you should absolutely show Him you mean it, that you are serious about following Him and living for Him. Read your Bible, if you don't have one go get one. There are actually plenty you can request online for free so money can be of no excuse. Pray. Praying can be as simple as having a conversation with God like you do with a friend. Surround yourself with believers and join a church and church groups to educate yourself on Jesus and what it means to be a Christian.
Note these good works will not save us. But after salvation- by grace through faith, we should want to do these things, we should be transformed as long as we keep ourselves focused on Him.
So next time you say you're sorry, do you really mean it? Did you do all of that which is involved for repentance? Furthermore, what is floating out there in your life that you have yet to repent? Why not make today the day that you settle that matter? Why not make today the day you welcome Jesus into your life if you haven't already? It's not too late no matter how far off track you strayed. It's not too late no matter how much you did wrong. God would LOVE for you to own up to those sins and turn your life over to Him to a life of love and joy.
Sin is of the devil and the devil is full of lies. What appears enticing is nothing more than a trap to get you far off down the wrong path. What seems easy will only be much harder in the long run. What may bring a moment of joy is nothing more than false fulfillment that ends in regret. True joy only comes from Jesus. Don't let the devil win. Jesus is the way, the TRUTH, the life. And the truth will set you free.
The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. 1 John 3:8
From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” Matthew 4:17
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Originally Posted: Love
***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 21, 2013
Love
When you think of the word love what comes to mind? Probably your significant other, maybe other family, maybe friends... then your mind drifts to flowers, chocolate, teddy bears and cuddling? What that describes is not the truest of true love. There are multiple types of love but I'm going to talk about one, the highest, most important one.
True love comes from God for "God is love." This type of love is Agape love. It is a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional type of love. It is the highest form of love you can have. I believe in order to have this love, God needs to be a part of your life, for again, God is love. Without God, how can you have a sacrificial love? God shows this love to us constantly, because no matter what, He will love us, He will forgive us, He will carry us through. And that, is how we are supposed to act towards another. Turn to God and strive to live as Jesus lived.
I believe this to be a verb rather than a noun. You are giving the gift of oneself to another no matter what, not dependent on how the other treats you, not dependent on your feelings, not dependent on any outside circumstance, argument, anything. True, unconditional love never fails. Never. You are making the choice to love.
So what if God is not the center of your life, or even a part of your life? Can you have this type of love? I have to believe not. If you say you are "in love" you are most likely referring to the romantic, physical type of love. If you say you love a person, you are probably referring to a friendship or brotherly type of love. But without God there will not be Agape love, and without God, something will always be missing... and you might not even know it until it happens. And if you think about it, if you lack the unconditional part of love what is the foundation? Feelings are fleeting and that foundation perhaps without agape love may crumble. You can tell someone "always and forever" but that forever is the part is one only God can bring. What you really should say then is "until I decide otherwise."
What I'm getting at is if you want true love, accept God, accept Jesus, into your life. It's never too late. The door is open and He wants to invite you in. He wants to transform your life. He wants to make it better. He wants to forgive you. He wants to love you and send forth His love through you to others. What if He treated you the way you treat Him... and thus forgot about you, ignored you, hurt you, rejected you, yelled at you, pretended you didn't exist? Ouch. That would be one rough life. Life is rough enough as it is. But instead He loves you unconditionally. Love Him unconditionally, and in return you can strive to love others unconditionally.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 21, 2013
Love
When you think of the word love what comes to mind? Probably your significant other, maybe other family, maybe friends... then your mind drifts to flowers, chocolate, teddy bears and cuddling? What that describes is not the truest of true love. There are multiple types of love but I'm going to talk about one, the highest, most important one.
True love comes from God for "God is love." This type of love is Agape love. It is a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional type of love. It is the highest form of love you can have. I believe in order to have this love, God needs to be a part of your life, for again, God is love. Without God, how can you have a sacrificial love? God shows this love to us constantly, because no matter what, He will love us, He will forgive us, He will carry us through. And that, is how we are supposed to act towards another. Turn to God and strive to live as Jesus lived.
I believe this to be a verb rather than a noun. You are giving the gift of oneself to another no matter what, not dependent on how the other treats you, not dependent on your feelings, not dependent on any outside circumstance, argument, anything. True, unconditional love never fails. Never. You are making the choice to love.
So what if God is not the center of your life, or even a part of your life? Can you have this type of love? I have to believe not. If you say you are "in love" you are most likely referring to the romantic, physical type of love. If you say you love a person, you are probably referring to a friendship or brotherly type of love. But without God there will not be Agape love, and without God, something will always be missing... and you might not even know it until it happens. And if you think about it, if you lack the unconditional part of love what is the foundation? Feelings are fleeting and that foundation perhaps without agape love may crumble. You can tell someone "always and forever" but that forever is the part is one only God can bring. What you really should say then is "until I decide otherwise."
What I'm getting at is if you want true love, accept God, accept Jesus, into your life. It's never too late. The door is open and He wants to invite you in. He wants to transform your life. He wants to make it better. He wants to forgive you. He wants to love you and send forth His love through you to others. What if He treated you the way you treat Him... and thus forgot about you, ignored you, hurt you, rejected you, yelled at you, pretended you didn't exist? Ouch. That would be one rough life. Life is rough enough as it is. But instead He loves you unconditionally. Love Him unconditionally, and in return you can strive to love others unconditionally.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
When life is just too much to handle
This post is a little different. I'm including a post I wrote back on June 15, 2013. Please take the time to read it and then read what I have to say after. God bless.
Originally Posted: June 15, 2013
Prayer or something like that
I'm really struggling right now. I don't want to use the word hate, but I really dislike the situation I'm in. It's like a battle- do what I know is right and give up my own desires, or do what I know is wrong for my own selfish desire. I know the answer and I know I'm going to stick to doing what is right. But this patience is really really running low. I've struggled for so long, I've been pushed down too many times and sometimes I just feel like staying down there. I get back up and I keep going but where am I going? Am I even moving forward, or backward, or even to the side? It seems like I'm just walking in place. I want to move!!! Get me to another place! I'm not just talking physically.
I know exactly what I would wish to happen, where I want to be and what I want to be doing and with whom... and it all falls within the grounds of doing what is right. That is where both doing what is right and personal desires would fall together. But all I can control is myself.
Even then I can only do so within the physical limitations I'm given. I feel like I'm in jail but the jail cell is my body.
Lord grant me freedom and not in the way everyone will interpret that word. Grant me freedom from the confinements of disability, grant me freedom from the questions that go unanswered, grant me freedom from anyone and anything holding back YOUR will. Let Your will be done Lord, and settle my heart to discern what that is. Settle the hearts of everyone else who is part of my path. I need peace, I really really need peace... and clarity, resolution, healing and YOUR unconditional unfailing love. Let Your love flow through me to others and through others to me. Help!
I much dislike constantly hear people "bicker" about pointless things, hearing people putting each other down, hearing people gossip, hearing people complain about things that really don't matter, hearing people bash one another, hearing HURT. I wish I could transform their hearts to love and serve You and become better people. But, only You have the power to do that and waiting for that to happen, if it happens, is so very hard. Living righteously in a cruel world is really hard. Not because I want to do what is wrong, but because I want everyone to do what is right. Help!
I very much dislike the situation I'm in, but I'm stuck. I'm trying to make the best of what I can while I'm in it... but it's like I'm on a treadmill and getting exhausted while going no where. Show me where You want me and take me there. Soon, please. Very please.
Amen.
Wow. I look back at that and see my heart crying out for Jesus in the midst of separation from my husband at the time. He hurt me, so very badly. He ripped life as I knew it out from beneath me and started a life with another woman. Ouch. On top of it, I was fighting for my own life at times. At the moment of writing this, I was less than 2 months out from surviving a pulmonary embolism, less than 3 months out from a major surgery in my chest... all the while he was 1000 miles away and could care less if I lived or died. How do you survive that? I didn't. But I'll get to that point in a minute...
I re-read what I wrote above and realize that sometimes prayers we think are unanswered truly are answered, just in a different way. We have to admit that when we pray, we typically have an agenda on mind. We may ask His will but how many times when we pray that prayer do we truly mean it? Should be always but if we are being honest with ourselves, many of the times it is "God please bless MY plans" as opposed to "God please help me accept and walk in YOUR plans". God knows better than we do. That prayer above was answered.
6 months after that post, I received divorce papers. 6 months following the divorce papers, the divorce was final. Somewhere in there, I was finally able to forgive. That forgiveness was the freedom I was praying for, even though I didn't know it at the time. That forgiveness wasn't for him, it was for me, to free me from the chains of the past and let go. I prayed for the hearts of others. The thing is God gives us all free will. The people I was praying for had hardened hearts and God isn't going to force them into anything. So instead of making those people into who I felt they needed to be, God removed them from my life. Again, He freed me. He freed me! He answered my prayer!
I look back at all of that and remember where I was back then, what I was feeling, what I was going through. Though I appear to be right where I was back then, I'm actually in a much better place. I realized how much of myself I had vested in one person. Part of that is right but so much of that is wrong. I wasn't a Christian when I got married. I didn't understand what I do now. God must come first in your life. God MUST be your center and focus. After that is spouse and then so on and so forth. Well, I wrongly placed spouse first. And so when spouse kicked me to the curb, I had no idea what to do. Like I said in the beginning, I did not survive it.
He did. He, meaning Jesus, meaning God. He survived it, through me. 1 year prior to writing what's above, literally only days after my ex-husband came home from a vacation with friends and told me he no longer loved me, Jesus saved me and I gave my life to Him. Thankfully Jesus saved me in God's perfect timing and walked with me through the rough roads ahead. He has been and is my strength, my refuge and my Savior. He is the way, the truth and the life. He is the vine and I am a branch and apart from Him I can do nothing. Nothing. Over time I've been transformed and blessed with wisdom and knowledge of the truth and the resources to strive to live it.
Sometimes you feel like you're running on a treadmill in life, going no where, maybe you even feel life is just not worth it. The thing is there is so much more to life than you can visibly see in your world. Through Jesus Christ, there is eternal life, and that is what I live for. That is what we can all live for. And living with Him can start now. I invite you to take the first step in making Jesus the Lord of your life. Confess that like no one, you are not perfect and you have sinned. Confess that because of those sins you need a Savior, a Savior who only comes through Jesus Christ who suffered, died, was buried and rose again for us to be here. Invite Him to personally be the Lord and Savior in your life, and then walk with Him, be in relationship with Him. Pick up a bible and begin reading, perhaps start in the New Testament, maybe the Gospel of John. Read, pray, reach out to other Christians, seek guidance, but most importantly, seek Jesus. He can and will get you through this, just like He did for me.
Originally Posted: June 15, 2013
Prayer or something like that
I'm really struggling right now. I don't want to use the word hate, but I really dislike the situation I'm in. It's like a battle- do what I know is right and give up my own desires, or do what I know is wrong for my own selfish desire. I know the answer and I know I'm going to stick to doing what is right. But this patience is really really running low. I've struggled for so long, I've been pushed down too many times and sometimes I just feel like staying down there. I get back up and I keep going but where am I going? Am I even moving forward, or backward, or even to the side? It seems like I'm just walking in place. I want to move!!! Get me to another place! I'm not just talking physically.
I know exactly what I would wish to happen, where I want to be and what I want to be doing and with whom... and it all falls within the grounds of doing what is right. That is where both doing what is right and personal desires would fall together. But all I can control is myself.
Even then I can only do so within the physical limitations I'm given. I feel like I'm in jail but the jail cell is my body.
Lord grant me freedom and not in the way everyone will interpret that word. Grant me freedom from the confinements of disability, grant me freedom from the questions that go unanswered, grant me freedom from anyone and anything holding back YOUR will. Let Your will be done Lord, and settle my heart to discern what that is. Settle the hearts of everyone else who is part of my path. I need peace, I really really need peace... and clarity, resolution, healing and YOUR unconditional unfailing love. Let Your love flow through me to others and through others to me. Help!
I much dislike constantly hear people "bicker" about pointless things, hearing people putting each other down, hearing people gossip, hearing people complain about things that really don't matter, hearing people bash one another, hearing HURT. I wish I could transform their hearts to love and serve You and become better people. But, only You have the power to do that and waiting for that to happen, if it happens, is so very hard. Living righteously in a cruel world is really hard. Not because I want to do what is wrong, but because I want everyone to do what is right. Help!
I very much dislike the situation I'm in, but I'm stuck. I'm trying to make the best of what I can while I'm in it... but it's like I'm on a treadmill and getting exhausted while going no where. Show me where You want me and take me there. Soon, please. Very please.
Amen.
Wow. I look back at that and see my heart crying out for Jesus in the midst of separation from my husband at the time. He hurt me, so very badly. He ripped life as I knew it out from beneath me and started a life with another woman. Ouch. On top of it, I was fighting for my own life at times. At the moment of writing this, I was less than 2 months out from surviving a pulmonary embolism, less than 3 months out from a major surgery in my chest... all the while he was 1000 miles away and could care less if I lived or died. How do you survive that? I didn't. But I'll get to that point in a minute...
I re-read what I wrote above and realize that sometimes prayers we think are unanswered truly are answered, just in a different way. We have to admit that when we pray, we typically have an agenda on mind. We may ask His will but how many times when we pray that prayer do we truly mean it? Should be always but if we are being honest with ourselves, many of the times it is "God please bless MY plans" as opposed to "God please help me accept and walk in YOUR plans". God knows better than we do. That prayer above was answered.
6 months after that post, I received divorce papers. 6 months following the divorce papers, the divorce was final. Somewhere in there, I was finally able to forgive. That forgiveness was the freedom I was praying for, even though I didn't know it at the time. That forgiveness wasn't for him, it was for me, to free me from the chains of the past and let go. I prayed for the hearts of others. The thing is God gives us all free will. The people I was praying for had hardened hearts and God isn't going to force them into anything. So instead of making those people into who I felt they needed to be, God removed them from my life. Again, He freed me. He freed me! He answered my prayer!
I look back at all of that and remember where I was back then, what I was feeling, what I was going through. Though I appear to be right where I was back then, I'm actually in a much better place. I realized how much of myself I had vested in one person. Part of that is right but so much of that is wrong. I wasn't a Christian when I got married. I didn't understand what I do now. God must come first in your life. God MUST be your center and focus. After that is spouse and then so on and so forth. Well, I wrongly placed spouse first. And so when spouse kicked me to the curb, I had no idea what to do. Like I said in the beginning, I did not survive it.
He did. He, meaning Jesus, meaning God. He survived it, through me. 1 year prior to writing what's above, literally only days after my ex-husband came home from a vacation with friends and told me he no longer loved me, Jesus saved me and I gave my life to Him. Thankfully Jesus saved me in God's perfect timing and walked with me through the rough roads ahead. He has been and is my strength, my refuge and my Savior. He is the way, the truth and the life. He is the vine and I am a branch and apart from Him I can do nothing. Nothing. Over time I've been transformed and blessed with wisdom and knowledge of the truth and the resources to strive to live it.
Sometimes you feel like you're running on a treadmill in life, going no where, maybe you even feel life is just not worth it. The thing is there is so much more to life than you can visibly see in your world. Through Jesus Christ, there is eternal life, and that is what I live for. That is what we can all live for. And living with Him can start now. I invite you to take the first step in making Jesus the Lord of your life. Confess that like no one, you are not perfect and you have sinned. Confess that because of those sins you need a Savior, a Savior who only comes through Jesus Christ who suffered, died, was buried and rose again for us to be here. Invite Him to personally be the Lord and Savior in your life, and then walk with Him, be in relationship with Him. Pick up a bible and begin reading, perhaps start in the New Testament, maybe the Gospel of John. Read, pray, reach out to other Christians, seek guidance, but most importantly, seek Jesus. He can and will get you through this, just like He did for me.
Originally Posted: Better or Best
***When I came back to Chicago nearly 3 years ago for my surgery, I started a blog as one place all family and friends could go to read updates on my health. I then realized it was also a way of promoting awareness. Shortly after that, I started a second blog, for the purpose of sharing my faith. As time went on, I became convicted about something.
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 11, 2013
Better or Best
It has become more and more apparent to me how others talk to and treat another. It's astonishing actually. But in noticing others, it is a must that we examine ourselves. By changing ourselves, improving the way we talk and act, we will in return outwardly exist to better the lives of others. Ripple effect, or so that is the hope.
Why do we point the finger? Why are we SO quick to pass judgement on another, to blame another, to compete and be better than another? Why do we together discuss, more so gossip, about another's life instead of working on our own? Furthermore, why is it at another instead of inward upon ourselves? Why do we find the need to change everyone before changing the only person we actually have the power to change, ourselves?
I will focus in on one reason I feel this is...My thought is in the human realm we want to feel better and how do you get to the word better.. by comparing to something that is worse. For you can't have "better" without having "worse" just like you can't have light without having darkness. And so we resort to putting others down, whether intentional or not, in order to be at that "better" status. What does this come down to? Perhaps pride. We want to be proud, sitting atop this mountain of accomplishments saying "hey look what I did! look at me look at me!" even if just saying that to ourselves to make ourselves feel better. Even if that mountain is nothing more that a compilation of lies.
But that mountain of accomplishments beneath you- is it really an accomplishment? Is it a solid ground or base to stand on for the rest of your life? Think about it. You feel pride or accomplishment or "better" because you have a home, a car, a high paying job, "things." Guess what. Every single bit of that can be taken away in an instant. And then what do you have left? That mountain is nothing more than a little raise in flat ground that you can trip over. And trip over you will when you lose all that and realize you have no grounds to stand upon.
The mountain we should stand atop is the mountain of faith in Christ. Turn over pride to instead take on humbleness. Turn over all of those deadly sins in return for God's great blessings. Make that your mountain to stand on. God can raise you higher than any earthly matter. In losing you will gain and in gaining you are on the way to eternal life. There is no need to compare ourselves to another, to put down another, to compete against another. All we must do is turn ourselves over to Christ and instead of being "better" be the "best" we can be with His Spirit shining through us. The good news is we can all do this, we can all be our best version of ourselves. We can ALL be the BEST all at once!
We can all do this now. It doesn't matter if you're 16, 30, 60 or God bless you 100. You still have the opportunity to make your life what God intended it to be. As life goes on and the years go by we see it as less time, less opportunity, no point in starting now or starting over. But there is every reason to, right now no matter what your age, no matter what the time, no matter anything. Everything is on God's time and since God is forever, I don't think time affects Him the same way it does us. He'd love for you to turn to Him no matter what and no matter when. He'd love for you to express your sins, ask for forgiveness and trust in His Son Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior. In being human, we all sin, but we are given this amazing blessing of forgiveness if we can just hand over that pride and say let Your will be done Lord. There is no better time than now, for now is the only moment we know we have.
So, stop competing, stop hurting others, stop pointing the finger, stop judging, stop gossiping, stop anything that is putting others down instead of raising them up. Then work on raising yourself up in Christ. And when others do these hurtful things to you, forgive them for they know not what you know now. Love them anyways. Pray for them.
There are six things the Lord hates—
no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil,
feet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies,
a person who sows discord in a family.
Proverbs 6:16-19
It was wrong of me to separate the two, as my faith, Jesus, is the absolute reason for my strength in getting through this. I could not exclude Him from my health blog even if others suggested to do so. Thus, I started talking more about my faith on my main blog. Now, many times, it's more about Him than me, which is where I came up with the current title 'About Me, Not About Me'. This story may be about me, but really it's not about me, it's about Him. That old blog still sits out there no longer being used. So I decided over time I will begin to move those posts from there to here to have everything in one place.
In just beginning to read some of my first posts, I've realized the amount of work God has truly done in me. A lot of times we hate the journey and want to get to our next destination, but it is in that very journey that God molds you into who He created you to be. Enjoy each mile of your own journey and know that God is working through you if you let Him.***
Originally Posted: June 11, 2013
Better or Best
It has become more and more apparent to me how others talk to and treat another. It's astonishing actually. But in noticing others, it is a must that we examine ourselves. By changing ourselves, improving the way we talk and act, we will in return outwardly exist to better the lives of others. Ripple effect, or so that is the hope.
Why do we point the finger? Why are we SO quick to pass judgement on another, to blame another, to compete and be better than another? Why do we together discuss, more so gossip, about another's life instead of working on our own? Furthermore, why is it at another instead of inward upon ourselves? Why do we find the need to change everyone before changing the only person we actually have the power to change, ourselves?
I will focus in on one reason I feel this is...My thought is in the human realm we want to feel better and how do you get to the word better.. by comparing to something that is worse. For you can't have "better" without having "worse" just like you can't have light without having darkness. And so we resort to putting others down, whether intentional or not, in order to be at that "better" status. What does this come down to? Perhaps pride. We want to be proud, sitting atop this mountain of accomplishments saying "hey look what I did! look at me look at me!" even if just saying that to ourselves to make ourselves feel better. Even if that mountain is nothing more that a compilation of lies.
But that mountain of accomplishments beneath you- is it really an accomplishment? Is it a solid ground or base to stand on for the rest of your life? Think about it. You feel pride or accomplishment or "better" because you have a home, a car, a high paying job, "things." Guess what. Every single bit of that can be taken away in an instant. And then what do you have left? That mountain is nothing more than a little raise in flat ground that you can trip over. And trip over you will when you lose all that and realize you have no grounds to stand upon.
The mountain we should stand atop is the mountain of faith in Christ. Turn over pride to instead take on humbleness. Turn over all of those deadly sins in return for God's great blessings. Make that your mountain to stand on. God can raise you higher than any earthly matter. In losing you will gain and in gaining you are on the way to eternal life. There is no need to compare ourselves to another, to put down another, to compete against another. All we must do is turn ourselves over to Christ and instead of being "better" be the "best" we can be with His Spirit shining through us. The good news is we can all do this, we can all be our best version of ourselves. We can ALL be the BEST all at once!
We can all do this now. It doesn't matter if you're 16, 30, 60 or God bless you 100. You still have the opportunity to make your life what God intended it to be. As life goes on and the years go by we see it as less time, less opportunity, no point in starting now or starting over. But there is every reason to, right now no matter what your age, no matter what the time, no matter anything. Everything is on God's time and since God is forever, I don't think time affects Him the same way it does us. He'd love for you to turn to Him no matter what and no matter when. He'd love for you to express your sins, ask for forgiveness and trust in His Son Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior. In being human, we all sin, but we are given this amazing blessing of forgiveness if we can just hand over that pride and say let Your will be done Lord. There is no better time than now, for now is the only moment we know we have.
So, stop competing, stop hurting others, stop pointing the finger, stop judging, stop gossiping, stop anything that is putting others down instead of raising them up. Then work on raising yourself up in Christ. And when others do these hurtful things to you, forgive them for they know not what you know now. Love them anyways. Pray for them.
There are six things the Lord hates—
no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil,
feet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies,
a person who sows discord in a family.
Proverbs 6:16-19
Saturday, November 7, 2015
The process continues... an update and a challenge
October 1st started that special diet I was on- pretty much nothing other than meats, veggies and a little bit of fruit, but all organic, non-gmo, grass fed, antibiotic/hormone free, which makes things a whole lot harder, and more expensive.
As the days slowly went by, I was craving so many other things. I was counting down the days until the 2-3 weeks hit so I could re-introduce the other foods. When I met with my doctor just after 2 weeks, she said try to make it to 3.
But, when 3 weeks came, it came and then also passed. I decided if I made it that long why not make it a whole month. So I challenged myself, and instead of the original 14-21 days, I would be doing 31. And when 31 days arrived, I still didn't even want to re-introduce anything!
However, I decided I needed to, because I started this process and had to finish it, determining which foods flare up symptoms. So far I've re-introduced nuts (excluding peanuts which have a category of their own later) and nightshades (potatoes and tomatoes- there are others but I already know they bother me). Unfortunately, I didn't seem to do too well with either. Oddly, tomatoes seemed ok but of course that's one food I rarely eat. Nuts seemed fairly ok besides cashews which seemed to trigger my MG (high in magnesium is my guess, which I have to be super cautious with). So I am going to just try to keep all of that still omitted and try those again later after continuing on with my re-introductions.
The good part of all this- I'm maintaining a very healthy weight and eating all very nutritious foods. I have not eaten out anywhere in 38 days now! I'm guessing that will be about 90 days by the time I'm done re-introducing.
The bad part of all this- My health is totally unstable. I'm slightly annoyed because I was managing everything so well on my own. I understood my body, I understood my triggers, I understood my limitations and allowances. But now that's all thrown off and it's like I'm starting completely over. I get the point of this is to over time make me better, but so far that is far from happening. I think part of the problem is my sugar intake is currently much higher than my normal. That's because with only meat, veggies and fruit to choose from, fruit is much too often. My glucose level just tested was really high! Not good. The other bad part of this is how do you socialize or live even half normally! I can't eat at like any restaurant. I can't even be out for too long because I need to eat at certain times and certain foods which are not non-perishable. Lastly, the expense. It's ridiculous that eating healthy costs more than eating junk/fake food. I was eating healthy before but I included things I can't right now like non-gmo potato chips, trail mix, gluten free granola, beans, etc. which cost a whole lot less than antibiotic/hormone free meats and organic veggies. Thankfully my parents are tremendously helping me out in that area.
As for the lyme herbal protocol I'm on, it's been so rough! When lyme gets killed you get much worse before you get any better. The problem is you don't really know if the "getting worse" part is due to lyme being killed or lyme not being killed and attacking you. I'm praying and hoping it gets better but only time will tell.
Hopefully all of this is just yet another hill to climb over... I've had a lot of those in these past 7 years and I'm more than ready for some flat ground... preferably a beach.
So if I can do all this, I bet you can can do it too. Let me give you a little challenge. Over the next week, cut out one thing that is bad for you that you tend too have to much off- try to cut out sugar or gluten or dairy. If that seems too tough, just try to cut out one specific item like soda or milk or ice cream or candy. Just try it and see if you feel any better. If you do, keep it up and cut out another thing. Do this whole process I'm doing in reverse and see if you can meet me where I'm at so we can go at this whole thing together! Having support is half the battle and I'd love for you to join me in this!
As the days slowly went by, I was craving so many other things. I was counting down the days until the 2-3 weeks hit so I could re-introduce the other foods. When I met with my doctor just after 2 weeks, she said try to make it to 3.
But, when 3 weeks came, it came and then also passed. I decided if I made it that long why not make it a whole month. So I challenged myself, and instead of the original 14-21 days, I would be doing 31. And when 31 days arrived, I still didn't even want to re-introduce anything!
However, I decided I needed to, because I started this process and had to finish it, determining which foods flare up symptoms. So far I've re-introduced nuts (excluding peanuts which have a category of their own later) and nightshades (potatoes and tomatoes- there are others but I already know they bother me). Unfortunately, I didn't seem to do too well with either. Oddly, tomatoes seemed ok but of course that's one food I rarely eat. Nuts seemed fairly ok besides cashews which seemed to trigger my MG (high in magnesium is my guess, which I have to be super cautious with). So I am going to just try to keep all of that still omitted and try those again later after continuing on with my re-introductions.
The good part of all this- I'm maintaining a very healthy weight and eating all very nutritious foods. I have not eaten out anywhere in 38 days now! I'm guessing that will be about 90 days by the time I'm done re-introducing.
The bad part of all this- My health is totally unstable. I'm slightly annoyed because I was managing everything so well on my own. I understood my body, I understood my triggers, I understood my limitations and allowances. But now that's all thrown off and it's like I'm starting completely over. I get the point of this is to over time make me better, but so far that is far from happening. I think part of the problem is my sugar intake is currently much higher than my normal. That's because with only meat, veggies and fruit to choose from, fruit is much too often. My glucose level just tested was really high! Not good. The other bad part of this is how do you socialize or live even half normally! I can't eat at like any restaurant. I can't even be out for too long because I need to eat at certain times and certain foods which are not non-perishable. Lastly, the expense. It's ridiculous that eating healthy costs more than eating junk/fake food. I was eating healthy before but I included things I can't right now like non-gmo potato chips, trail mix, gluten free granola, beans, etc. which cost a whole lot less than antibiotic/hormone free meats and organic veggies. Thankfully my parents are tremendously helping me out in that area.
As for the lyme herbal protocol I'm on, it's been so rough! When lyme gets killed you get much worse before you get any better. The problem is you don't really know if the "getting worse" part is due to lyme being killed or lyme not being killed and attacking you. I'm praying and hoping it gets better but only time will tell.
Hopefully all of this is just yet another hill to climb over... I've had a lot of those in these past 7 years and I'm more than ready for some flat ground... preferably a beach.
So if I can do all this, I bet you can can do it too. Let me give you a little challenge. Over the next week, cut out one thing that is bad for you that you tend too have to much off- try to cut out sugar or gluten or dairy. If that seems too tough, just try to cut out one specific item like soda or milk or ice cream or candy. Just try it and see if you feel any better. If you do, keep it up and cut out another thing. Do this whole process I'm doing in reverse and see if you can meet me where I'm at so we can go at this whole thing together! Having support is half the battle and I'd love for you to join me in this!
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