Before getting my diagnosis and all else that recently happened, I kept talking about how much I was losing... I got laid off from my previous job, money dwindled, moving away I lost closeness with family and friends, the car kept falling apart, things in the apartment were going wrong. I kept saying "what now?" or "what else?" or "I've lost everything." Every time I thought that I would lose more. I lost my health and then I had the biggest loss of all after that. But after that last loss, I gained something so enormous that it would need a space of all those losses to fill. I gained a strong relationship with God. And after that I realized I was focusing on the wrong things. I was paying so very much attention to the negative that my eyes were shut to the positive. I was so focused on things not going as I wanted that I didn't see how much I already had!
Let me give you an example. For a moment, pretend you are on Wife Swap or something of that nature... if you're a man pretend it's Husband Swap... if you're not married, pretend it's Person Swap... just pretend. Now, you are swapping with me. You don't have a job, you are living with your parents, you aren't where you imagined you would be at the age you are at, you have a disability. Many days you are stuck laying in bed or just walking around the house until you sit down to rest and then walk some more. You can't go work, you can't drive somewhere on your own, you can't walk down the block. You have to ask for someone to open something you aren't strong enough to open. You have to ask for someone to carry your own laundry. You have to ask for someone to cook any meal that takes energy. Getting out means going to the doctor. How do you feel? How do you feel when you compare that to your real/current life? Pretty depressed right? Happy that isn't really your life right?
But now imagine this. Again you are on Wife Swap or whatever you want to call it. You have a website you manage and love to create. You get to do things at your convenience and prop your legs up on the couch or bed while doing so. You can wake up naturally, no alarm clock in this life. You get to catch up with friends, watch movies you've been wanting to see, sit outside and just enjoy all that is life. How do you feel? Relaxed and pretty good right? Maybe that would be a nice life?
Guess what. Those two scenarios are the same. You are me in both scenarios... but in the first you are only looking at the negative aspects and in the second you are only looking at the positive aspects. Now in real life it's a mixture of all, but this goes to show it's how you look at it. I can focus on the positive, appreciate and value what I have or I can pass it by and basically be asking for another negative to come my way because I can't be happy with what I've already been given. I think that's a big problem with society. We are a "more" society, always wanting more, always wanting better, always wanting a different situation, a different job, a different/better relationship, a different life. How about instead of wanting more than you have, how about making what you do have into a better story. You do have the ability to do this.
Don't take things and especially not people for granted. Stop asking for a new life and instead make the best of your current life. Maybe we're given difficult times and trying situations not as a barrier to run in the opposite direction but as an obstacle to overcome and learn from so we can look back and say wow, I did that?! I achieved that?! So we can become more well rounded of a person. So we can become stronger. So we can become better. Not obtaining better, but becoming better. Think about that.
We are all blessed with many things. There are people out there who are homeless, or very disabled, and they are happier than a lot of folks who are super rich with expensive cars, big houses and the "perfect little family." How? Because of their perspective on life, because they value people and things. When things and people are taken away, it opens your eyes to what you still have. But we have the ability to open our eyes first. Why let everything be taken away? Look around you. Are you in your home or office? That means you have a home or a job. Do you hear the voices of family members or friends? That means you have people who care, love and support you. Can you walk, breathe on your own, drive yourself? You are physically able! Are you reading this? You are mentally able! Do you have food to eat at every meal? Well guess what? You have a pretty good life if you have all that. Praise God for so many blessings!
Instead of complaining about having to go to work, value that job and that paycheck. Instead of complaining about working out, be happy you have the ability to do so! Instead of complaining about your run down car or apartment, be grateful you are not homeless. Instead of complaining about a friend or family member who "criticizes" you, be happy there is someone who cares about you enough to want to help you improve. Instead of complaining about your weight, be happy you have enough food to eat. Instead of complaining about having a cold or the flu, be happy it is not a chronic illness or disability. Instead of complaining about how much your spouse or children "nag" you, value that you have those relationships, cherish the good times and laugh off the not so good. There is a good and bad way of looking at everything, why look at the bad when you can look at the good? Be happy!
For some reason there is a conversation from 4 years ago that I have always remembered ever so clearly but it's not until recently I understood and valued the meaning of it. I was at a salon getting a trial run of my wedding day hairstyle. We were doing the normal small talk you do with a hairstylist that isn't a regular. When asked about a job I softly and saddened said "I got laid off and haven't been able to find a new job." He shockingly showed so much joy in my comment. He continued on to tell me this isn't a bad thing, this is the best thing that could happen to me... because I can now make of my life whatever I wanted to make of it. I could start fresh. I could go out there and be whomever I wanted to be. Of course, he didn't have to pay the bills without having a job... ha ha... besides the point. There are two ways of looking at everything. He saw my life as a blank canvas whereas I had seen it as an already painted canvas destroyed by someone spilling something and running over it.
So if your life is a canvas (aka a big thing to paint on), what is on it? Are you painting it with the positive or with the negative? Your life is still your life, but what you put on that canvas, your perspective on your life and how much you value what you have, will make all the difference. Paint something beautiful! "See" on that canvas what you aren't already "seeing" in real life.
Life is what you make of it, not what you change of it. I can't change that I have MG, but I can make the best of it!
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