Or Not

So angry right now... and guess what I've been really positive and happy and all that so allow me a moment to be angry and rant.

I already explained some of the story of how I got a call about going over admit plans when I didn't even know I was being admitted so we pushed it back a week. Well in addition to calling to figure out pre-certification which my insurance requires I called the surgeon (who was organizing all this) because I wanted to go over some questions/discuss the plan of attack or whatnot. Well first getting someone in the office to do pre-certification has been next to impossible. They said they don't do that. Ummm my insurance requires it! Then the surgeon calls me and I ask my questions and she doesn't seem to have any of the answers. She just kept saying that each thing will probably fall under someone else. She can't tell me when the line will be put in, who will oversee my plasmapheresis, how many treatments I'll get or when they'll start, or what the date of surgery will be. So I ask who that someone else is so I can discuss the plan. I'm told I can call the hospitalist since the primary I'm set up with here uses a hospitalist for his inpatients.

I call that number and get a very nice lady who listens to my whole story and says she will get in touch with whoever she can and try to figure this out for me. Next I'm receiving a call from the surgeon's office telling me no one knows what is going on, everyone is trying to hand off managing my care to someone else and they don't think I'll be able to be admitted Monday. AND they add I might need to get an appointment with a neurologist on staff there before being able to set up admission!

Are you KIDDING ME??? If I didn't already cover all of this with them then ok, but I DID! Prior to even making arrangements to leave Texas, I was assured that all of this was in place. I was assured it would be ok if my neurologist isn't out of the same hospital, I was assured the surgeon would oversee everything, I was assured I could be admitted first thing in February (well that should have been my first sign seeing as were entering March). Then when I met with the surgeon I was again assured all of this. She was even the one to suggest plasmapheresis! Now I'm straight out told no one knows what the plan is. And yet they were going to admit me?? Admit me WITHOUT a plan in place??? Admit me without pre-certification? Admit me without knowing who was in charge of my care? Are you SERIOUS? Wow.

If I had no time restraints then I'd be more go with the flow, but I do. Best results within 2-3 years of onset. 3 years is next month. NEXT month. After that, why would I even go through with a major surgery inside my chest?

So now I have no idea what's happening. My muscles are spasming and fatiguing like crazy, no surprise with stress making MG worse. Watch I'll land in the hospital not on an arranged admission but because I have to go to the ER. This is insane. I'm about to say forget it. I try so hard in everything I do and I rarely have anything to show for it. Nothing I work hard for works out. Why do I bother? Why do I put so much effort into everything and receive nothing in return? Am I not supposed to get this surgery? Am I supposed to just be back in IL without getting the surgery? Am I supposed to go back to Tx? Am I supposed to be..... this.... that.... here... there... with..... without.... I mean seriously God, please answer me. Please provide clarity and direction and get me there!

Ignore my last post, I'm guessing that's no longer the plan, not that it actually seemed to be one to begin with apparently. Who knows. Story of my life.

I need prayers. Not for me this time. For the staff to get their act together. Thank you.

End rant.