We're down to the single digits of how many weeks left! I can't believe how fast this has gone! Up until the third trimester, I kept saying I could be pregnant another 9 months because it's been so great and I don't want it to end. Now into the third trimester, a lot of pain and difficulty doing things has hit me, and I'm like ok maybe I'm getting closer to being ready for this to happen. But, baby, please stay in there til at least 37-38 weeks!
I've been dealing with what is seemingly SPD- you can look it up if you want to. Basically the pelvic area relaxes more than it should and causes instability and pain. So it's hard to do anything but sit/lay down and even then it hurts. I can deal with the pain but it's the nervousness of how unstable I seem that it's hard to get much done or even walk a store anymore. I'm even wearing one of those maternity belts yet it doesn't seem to support enough. So that part of me is like ok pregnancy has been good, but let's get on with this.
On the other hand, I'm so nervous for baby to be here and could use as much more time as I can safely get. J already has a daughter, he's been through the life change of going from no kids to kids, so this isn't as much as an adjustment for him. In a slight way I have had that adjustment, becoming a stepmother. But this is a whole new ball game. There will be no other parent he goes to half the time, I thank the Lord for that though. It's J and I and baby 100% of the time. No more just us. No more sleep in as long as we want to days. We have no family nearby to help or babysit. I will now be fully responsible for another life, for the first time in my life. It's the biggest life change I'll ever encounter and I'm not sure anyone is every fully ready for it. But I'm nervous and scared and well, that's all normal so I shouldn't be made to feel bad about it, but I could use your prayers.
I'm still struggling over how to raise a boy. I. Don't. Have. A. Clue. At least with girls, I can relate and I know what to teach them as far as being a godly girl/woman. I can teach a boy the normal school type of stuff, manners, values and such, but as far as being a man- I can't lead by example on that one, and that scares me. I want to lead by example. I want to be able to relate to my child. And I fear all of it. I'm working through that but it's hard. And again, no one should make me feel bad about that because a strong majority of women who have boys feel this way, yet don't discuss it, so it goes on unknown. Don't shame me for opening up to receive a pouring in of support and prayers please.
Anyways, besides still needing to pack a hospital bag, practice our relaxation techniques in hopes of a natural birth, and wait for the weeks to pass on by, we're ready- as much as we can be. Scared on my part, but otherwise "ready." I can't believe the time is almost here. I can't believe he's been in me almost 9 months. I can't believe soon I will no longer feel those little- sometimes huge- kicks, and hiccups and reminders of life inside me. I can't believe I will no longer be preparing but actually putting it into action. I can't believe I will actually birth and have a son, a child, whom we prayed for and received. I can't believe a prayer that was answered will soon be in my arms. The feeling is beyond words.
Please join us in prayer- for all those mixed emotions of fear, doubt, etc. to fade away, to be strengthened by our Lord and Savior, filled with joy, hope and love. For a continued amazing pregnancy no matter the pains or fears, that this little one remains healthy and I do as well. For a safe and on time delivery, that I can handle the pains of childbirth without medication or intervention, that all goes as well as possible with God's hands upon my doctors, nurses and others involved. That J and I work together as a team to raise up this one to love the Lord with all he's got in him. That we all remain faithful to God through it all and adapt to life as a new family plus one. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
