Joshua Part 2

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, Joshua 1:9 has been on my mind. Of course, part 1 of this post explains a lot of that. So if you didn't read that yet, start here. But there is more.

"Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified do not be discouraged..." I just kept thinking about those words and it pushed me- to be strong, to be courageous, to not be scared or discouraged. And then one day it clicked- "for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." "WHEREVER YOU GO."

If you've been reading my posts, you know it's been a struggle to figure out doctors, treatment and such. It's been frustrating, stressful and tiresome. But then this hit me and God clearly spoke those words to me "wherever you go." It didn't matter if I went to this hospital or that hospital, this doctor or that doctor, God was going to be there throughout the entire thing. Problems may or may not arise but that could happen anywhere with anyone. God's on my side and He's got this. Not only do I no longer have to be discouraged as in the first part of the verse, I can be confident in choosing any of the places I feel is the best fit for me because in the end I hear Him saying, "it doesn't matter, it won't determine the outcome- I will" and there is a definite peace in that.

When I heard that, I was able to move forward. You see, I'd been searching and searching but not settled. There was one doctor left I didn't see but wanted to. Though I kept pushing it off because there was no higher level NICU or high risk. He came extremely highly recommended by everyone in the natural community, and that's exactly what I want. So they encouraged me to at least go see him and ask him everything I was wondering, they said he would be completely honest with me and would tell me if it wasn't a good idea to deliver there. So after feeling this peace from that verse, that is what I did.

Good news people, I finally have a doctor! I mean technically, I had like 4 of them.. but now I have 1 and 1 is all I need! I explained to him how there has been conflicting opinions about my treatment, how I was told to deliver in a higher level hospital, how I had to see 2 different high risk, etc. And this is what he told me- I'm very complicated as a patient because of my health history. When most doctors see that they run, push you away or give you answers just to make you happy even though they really don't know... Well, that's the most honest thing I've heard a doctor tell me so far. I learned this doctor actually used to work in a high risk clinic, so he has that experience, and he used to stay with his patients from first appointment through delivery. The clinic/hospital didn't like that and wanted him to make patients rotate doctors, etc. He didn't agree so he left and went somewhere he was allowed to practice how he feels medicine should be practiced. Yeah dr! We need more like him!

So he's totally into the natural thing, doesn't push any treatments, procedures, etc. that even though common, he feels unnecessary. He tells it like it is and he said there is no reason I need to be paying extra for a high risk doctor right now. If something came up then yes, but as of now I'm stable- because pregnancy tends to help the conditions I have. If he were to foresee a problem or if I were to go very preterm, he would just immediately send me to the high risk hospital and call them to fill them in on me. He said the honest truth is the majority of hospitals will put a baby in NICU who doesn't need to be there just to wrack up the medical bills. He said they have a level 2 nursery so they have the ability to do a lot of things which unless it's a very horrible problem, he said I most likely wouldn't need one... but at any other hospital, they would almost guaranteed send my baby to one just because of my history.

So, what's the downside? Well it's a solid hour drive, though only a few minutes more than the hospital I was going to. And this- he said whichever dr told me I don't need blood thinner shots was just trying to please me. He said the fact I've had a pulmonary embolism puts me at huge risk, and reiterated the death rate. Ok well, I trust this dr and so many trust him too, and I knew in the back of my mind this day would finally come. So yeah, I've been sticking myself with a needle injecting this painful shot every day. It burns so bad, but I keep telling myself it's nothing compared to natural labor and just deal with it. The good part is this dr said I really don't have to stop my other supplements/treatment and I don't have to switch to antibiotics, because I'm on a prophylactic dose not a treatment dose, so there is some leeway there. So, I had thought more good news that this would finally be covered at 100% for me, but it looks like nope- that was a mistake and I'm probably going to have to pay the outrageous amount each month for the next 6 months, needing to continue this for a bit after delivery as well. That's the worst part.

Oh one more thing, since this dr is more on the natural side, I mentioned the possibility of prenatal depression to him- it's been rough. He said I can take a supplement I used to take to help my liver. It is used for mood/depression as well. I started probably just over a week or so ago and already I'm doing so much better. Praise the Lord for that!

Thank you all who have continued prayers and support. You really do mean a lot to me and have been an encouragement to me through this. We're excited for our little Joshua and I'm praising God for speaking to me through this- guiding the way, comforting me, showing me He's always there and He's got this!


"Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Joshua Part 1

There's a post I've been wanting to write for about a month. But my mood wasn't right for it so I've been waiting for the right time. I'm sitting here with a list of things to do, this not being one of them, yet I'm exhausted and can't get motivated to do anything but this at the moment... so here ya go.

It's a 2 part post and it starts like this... how did our baby get his name?

We certainly weren't planning to announce his name prior to birth, didn't even think we'd come up with a name so soon. But we did...

It was March 19th, the day I found out I was pregnant. Immediately after, God spoke a verse to me: Joshua 1:9- Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. It's a verse that often comes to me with all I've gone through. But at that moment, the emphasis was on "Joshua" to the extent that God spoke to me -your baby's name will be Joshua. (Knowing, yet not knowing, we were having a baby boy- because there was technically no physical proof of that at this point).

I had another odd realization after- Joshua "1:9" and the day I found out I was pregnant was the 19th. I have this weird thing with numbers so that stood out to me.

And yet after that, after we shared the news with immediate family, my mother-in-law texted me a verse- Joshua 1:9- not being aware of the meaning this verse had to me. It had to be a God thing.

I didn't share this all immediately with J because I self doubt a lot and didn't want to get his hopes up of having a son. I also didn't want to just "tell" him what our baby's name was going to be- it was to be a mutual decision.

So how did we come to that mutual decision? Well I was still open minded to every other name out there. We went through baby name books and wrote down ideas. We came up with plenty of names for a girl but couldn't come to any conclusion on a boy. That's when I told him about Joshua, that if we had a boy, God told me his name was to be Joshua. J was hesitant at first, but was still open to it.

So the day of the anatomy scan, again sitting in that office. In the midst of silence, J said to me, "we can name him Joshua." I felt this moment of relief or something I can't describe. It was like it was meant to be. I still asked, are you sure? Are you sure that's what you want? Are you sure you're ok with that? And we both agreed- we can't really argue with God! Our son was already given the name of Joshua.

I asked J if we could announce the name early and he agreed that would be ok. I didn't feel right announcing "It's a boy!" when there was much more to it than that. We aren't expecting just a boy, we are expecting our precious son, Joshua. One of the meanings of the name Joshua is "God is generous" ...and that he is. Joshua is our gift from God.

Part 2 of the story to come...