Double Standards Round 3

To the person who left me a very rude, judgmental and ignorant comment that is not going to get the pleasure of seeing it posted:

Let's clarify something here.

No where did I say I want to hear myself. That doesn't even make sense.

No where did I say I don't want to hear anyone else. Clearly if I wanted that I would walk around with ear plugs.

Thanks for your twist on my words though.


What I was discussing is CHRONIC complaining. Those people who can't seem to say ANYTHING positive. Every other word out of their mouth is bad mouthing this or that, him or her, you, me, anyone, anything. Uplifting, positive words? Not found. I was not referring to a random complaint here and there. I was not referring to serious situations where venting is much needed and helpful.

The circle of people I see or hear from on a regular basis is quite small due to my inability to get out often, so it was nice of you to possibly make an assumption that maybe I was referring to you, and if you think you fall into that category then maybe you do need to read that post again. But especially unless I see/hear from you on a regular basis, as I mentioned in the very beginning of that post, don't take what I'm saying as a direct attack but rather a topic of self-reflection. I stand by that.

For further explanation, let me try to explain something. I read this somewhere at some point. I tried to find it to post the link to it but I can't find it. So this is no credit to me, this goes to whoever wrote this marvelous idea, but I can't find them. I'll try to explain the best I can.

Imagine a little circle. Now imagine another circle around it. And another. And another. So on and so forth.

For purpose of explaining this I am going to use an example of a friend of mine dying from cancer in the middle/center/inner circle. It is their circle because we are referring to their life in this example. Now that person is allowed to vent/complain/whatever you want to call it about anything to anyone in an outer circle. How do you know if you are in an outer circle? Are your CURRENT life problems in general possibly less serious than theirs at that CURRENT moment? If so you are in an outer circle. Let them vent away. So I'll say I'm in the next circle because I am family or a friend. They can say whatever they want to me. I can talk to them, share with them, whatever... but I cannot complain about my "little" issues compared to theirs. They are dealing with SO much they don't need to be burdened with my less serious problems. Who can I vent/complain to? Those in an outer circle- my own family/friends who at that CURRENT moment are dealing with less serious issues than my own. Again, then they don't burden me with their "little" issues but they go to an outer circle as well. See how this works? I'm not explaining it nearly as good as this other person explained it but hopefully I'm getting the point across. These circles can change places at any such time depending on life's occurrences. So that venting may be exchanged between friends quite often if need be.

EVERYONE has issues they are dealing with. The goal is to vent/complain your issues/problems to those with less serious ones than your own CURRENTLY so not to burden someone who is already burdened more than you are.

Now, for more clarification, I do not mean to not DISCUSS things. I mean not to complain about "little" things less serious than whats in the inner circle... perhaps the weather, your job that you have and they don't, the insurance that you have and they don't, driving in traffic when they are stuck in a bed, etc. And I do not mean not to talk/vent with those in the same/similar situation. That can be of huge help to both parties involved.

It's not the occasional complaint or the serious life issue that needs to be discussed. It's the CHRONIC complaining I'm referring to. The people who just seem to reek with negativity with no positive anything in site. Those people are hard to be around for anyone, let alone if you have a chronic illness and need all the energy you can just for living, not burdened by negativity and complaints. That negativity just grabs you and pulls you in and it's hard to get out.

The other thing was that the main idea of my last post was double standards. It wasn't saying I can complain and you cannot. It was the fact that I am made to feel as if I cannot complain but that you are entitled to it- "you" referring to any chronic complainers or harsh criticizers. These are the people who are no where to be found when I am positive, but creep out of every crack to attack me if I say the slightest thing negative. These are the people who are out and about with me if I feel healthy and can do everything myself, but in deep hiding when I'm at my weakest and need them the most. It was all about double standards.

So I hope that clarifies what my intent of the last post was. And if not, hey no one is making you read this. Feel free to "delete" me from your life like so many already have. Those who have a big, true, kind heart will be there til the end, that I am certain of.

Thanks for reading. And thanks for all those who don't judge my every word, twist it, attack me, hurt me and then repeat it all again. Thanks for all those with such kind hearts that no matter what I go through, no matter what I say or do, no matter how my words come out and possibly taken in a wrong way, are still there for me... encouraging me, praying for me, spending time with me even if it's just messaging me. I sincerely appreciate you. I need to be surrounded by positive people and you make that happen.